"I'll take both..."
Can kids get any cuter than this?
posted by Miroslav at 9:09 PM
3 comments
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
hmmm....
| Your Career Type: Social |
 You are helpful, friendly, and trustworthy. Your talents lie in teaching, nursing, giving information, and solving social problems. You would make an excellent: Counselor - Dental Hygienist - Librarian Nurse - Parole Officer - Personal Trainer Physical Therapist - Social Worker - Teacher The worst career options for your are realistic careers, like truck driver, farmer, or insurance agent. |
posted by Miroslav at 12:59 PM
7 comments
Sunday, February 26, 2006
MildMen Meekend
Last night I returned from the "WildMen Weekend" put on by my church. I was impressed with the number of guys that turned out for the event. Twenty four people is pretty dang good for a church only six months old.
I'm confused, was it Wild or Mild? Read more!The good:
1) I had a very serious and intimate conversation with somebody that I've known on only a surface level up to this point. These types of conversations, the honest and deep sort, are what make me feel ALIVE. This was by far the highlight of the trip for me and worth not only the price of admission, but even worth losing a night's sleep (more on that later).
2) Geocaching - Ever heard of it? Me neither... until this trip. It was great fun! When my little boy gets a little older... maybe even as soon as this summer... I'm going to start making this a regular family activity.
3) We had an invigorating game of Ultimate Frisbee in the sand along the San Francisco bay. I gotta' say here that me and my little bro represented our family name quite well, hauling in six of our team's seven TD's (including my bro's game winning grab!).
The odd:
1) Cell-phones on a WildMan Weekend? Come on. Turn that crap off.
2) We pooled our money together at the get go and were told that the team who ended the trip with the most money would "win". Our third stop was a Starbucks. Starbucks stops on a WildMan Weekend? I was never quite clear as to whether I should hold back from spending to try to save money for some future humanitarian effort or if I should order the Cinnamon Roll. First stop = Save Money. Third stop = Cinnamon Roll. What can I say. Everybody else was doing it.
The not-so-good:
1) Our five vehicle caravan had to have taken close to five hundred U-Turns by the end of the trip. Ok... that is a slight exageration, but we did spend lots of time lost or regrouping.
2) "Cowdung Hill" - Of all the places I can think of to play Capture the Flag with a men's group with a median age of thirty six at 2am in the winter... this would be precisely the worst location. Thankfully, a very mild sprained ankles was the worst injury that resulted. Unthankfully, it was my ankle that suffered the sprain.
3) For one reason or another, we didn't arrive to the park that we had planned to sleep at until 3:00am, well past the closing time posted of "SUNSET". The park ranger had locked the entrance and our group was stuck with a decision: either circumvent the tire spikes that barred entry through the exit OR find someplace else to sleep. After about twenty minutes of argument about the ethics of option one and the possible ramifications, we made several U-Turns in the parking lot and realized that there was a third option... to go rent a hotel room for all of three hours. Then, a fourth option was offered up... split the group up! We went with option four. One of the five vehicles headed towards a local Comfort Inn (somebody labeled them the MildMen), while the rest of us headed out in search of a resting place and eventually ended up back at .... good ol' Cowdung Hill. All this lead me to ask, "WildMan? Or PoorlyPreparedMan&CreatureComfortMan?" I ended up falling asleep quickly in my sleeping back on cold concrete but tossed and turned for about two hours, at which point I was awoken by the pitter patter sound of several joggers. Apparently our chosen resting area turned out to be smack dab in the middle of a marathon course. ... No, I'm not making this stuff up folks.
Ok. So, yeah, that is my take on how the trip went.
Some really good stuff. Some not-so-good stuff.
Glad I went? You bet. Why? See item one under "The good"....
I'm confused, was it Wild or Mild? Read more!The good:
1) I had a very serious and intimate conversation with somebody that I've known on only a surface level up to this point. These types of conversations, the honest and deep sort, are what make me feel ALIVE. This was by far the highlight of the trip for me and worth not only the price of admission, but even worth losing a night's sleep (more on that later).
2) Geocaching - Ever heard of it? Me neither... until this trip. It was great fun! When my little boy gets a little older... maybe even as soon as this summer... I'm going to start making this a regular family activity.
3) We had an invigorating game of Ultimate Frisbee in the sand along the San Francisco bay. I gotta' say here that me and my little bro represented our family name quite well, hauling in six of our team's seven TD's (including my bro's game winning grab!).
The odd:
1) Cell-phones on a WildMan Weekend? Come on. Turn that crap off.
2) We pooled our money together at the get go and were told that the team who ended the trip with the most money would "win". Our third stop was a Starbucks. Starbucks stops on a WildMan Weekend? I was never quite clear as to whether I should hold back from spending to try to save money for some future humanitarian effort or if I should order the Cinnamon Roll. First stop = Save Money. Third stop = Cinnamon Roll. What can I say. Everybody else was doing it.
The not-so-good:
1) Our five vehicle caravan had to have taken close to five hundred U-Turns by the end of the trip. Ok... that is a slight exageration, but we did spend lots of time lost or regrouping.
2) "Cowdung Hill" - Of all the places I can think of to play Capture the Flag with a men's group with a median age of thirty six at 2am in the winter... this would be precisely the worst location. Thankfully, a very mild sprained ankles was the worst injury that resulted. Unthankfully, it was my ankle that suffered the sprain.
3) For one reason or another, we didn't arrive to the park that we had planned to sleep at until 3:00am, well past the closing time posted of "SUNSET". The park ranger had locked the entrance and our group was stuck with a decision: either circumvent the tire spikes that barred entry through the exit OR find someplace else to sleep. After about twenty minutes of argument about the ethics of option one and the possible ramifications, we made several U-Turns in the parking lot and realized that there was a third option... to go rent a hotel room for all of three hours. Then, a fourth option was offered up... split the group up! We went with option four. One of the five vehicles headed towards a local Comfort Inn (somebody labeled them the MildMen), while the rest of us headed out in search of a resting place and eventually ended up back at .... good ol' Cowdung Hill. All this lead me to ask, "WildMan? Or PoorlyPreparedMan&CreatureComfortMan?" I ended up falling asleep quickly in my sleeping back on cold concrete but tossed and turned for about two hours, at which point I was awoken by the pitter patter sound of several joggers. Apparently our chosen resting area turned out to be smack dab in the middle of a marathon course. ... No, I'm not making this stuff up folks.
Ok. So, yeah, that is my take on how the trip went.
Some really good stuff. Some not-so-good stuff.
Glad I went? You bet. Why? See item one under "The good"....
posted by Miroslav at 6:39 PM
6 comments
Jes - OHM - us
I have finished reading "the Cloud of Unknowing" and "the Book of Privy Counseling" by William Johnston, a gift to me by my elder brother. In essence, this book is a how-to for Christian men and women seeking to experience the fullness of God via meditation, or "contemplative prayer". It is my first reading of any books or material related to a mystic Christianity and it was certainly different than anything I've ever read. A life dedicated to meditation is something that I've only seen in Eastern religions, never Christianity. Though it doesn't strike me as contradictory to any instruction(s) in the Bible, it just seems ... a bit too weighted on the side of soulfulness when I consider the most important commandment. Also, given the state of my faith, it was a difficult read. Maybe down the road I will pick it up again and it will have a stronger impact on me. For now, it gets only two thumbs up (out of five) from this reader.
Now on to a book loaned to me by -FC-, "Night" by Elie Wiesel.
Now on to a book loaned to me by -FC-, "Night" by Elie Wiesel.
posted by Miroslav at 4:08 PM
1 comments
Friday, February 24, 2006
You are missing out!
I think I've already pointed this out once before.... but if you aren't checking the very very very bottom of my blog each time you visit ... you are missing out on some hilarious stuff. I set it up so that it displays a random "Deep Thoughts from Saturday Night Live" in my blog's footer. I've read every single one multiple times but still, every once in a while, they catch me just so and crack me up.
Read it. Laugh. Rinse and repeat with a click of your browser's refresh button.
Oh, and for those of you with kids,
you are missing out if you don't check this out!
you are missing out if you don't check this out!
posted by Miroslav at 3:56 PM
1 comments
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Update
It has been a busy and meaningful week so far, and it looks like there is no sign of things slowing down for me in the next month or so. A peek in to what has been going on in my life and what is coming up soon:
Prepare for Brain Dump.1) Grandma's Bday Party - Ha... I just called her Grandma. Thats funny. Well, last weekend, we celebrated my step-mom's Bday. Had a great time dancin' and hanging out. I did one of those little picture memory things for her for a present. Turned out pretty good.
2) Valentine's Day - Took my honeygirl on a surprise date... out for French Onion Soup, a brief shopping stop at the nearby Outlet Stores, then a movie, and then a really cool dinner show thing at Cafe de la Paz in Berkeley. They had a special Valentine's Day event with an Emmy Award winning Flamenco Dancer and a fabulous band. We had a great time.
3) Yesterday, I got together with Jim (of Jim and Jane in Chapter 7f) for the first time in over two years. We talked for just over an hour and he gave me a very sincere, heart-felt apology for how he treated my wife and I as we left our old church. It takes a man of a certain character to bust out with an apology three years after the fact, and so I applaud Jim for his courage. I was honest with him in telling him that I was a bit miffed that it took him so long to apologize (given that he felt he owed me one nearly five months ago), but I was immediately and pleasantly surprised to receive an additional apology for that! Then, this morning I was even more happy to find that he is already making good on some things he told me he felt that he needed to do to make things right. Thank you for your willingness to stick your neck out a bit Jim. I am very excited and encouraged that our relationship is on the mend.
4) Last night, my wife arranged babysitting and she took me on a surprise date night. We hit the streets around 5:30pm and she told me to drive towards the hills. Around 6:30pm, I was ready to kill her. She had told me to be ready to eat at 6pm and I had been. Now that hunger was progressing in to something that my mom has always called "Feed-The-Bitch-Syndrome" (for the obvious reasons). Just as I was reaching critical mass, my wife told me to the exit the freeway. We began searching for a street, found it, and then looked for an address. "Odd," I thought to myself. "Why are there so many Bail Bonds offices around here?" Seriously, there were at least four or five Bail Bonds offices on this street... and during our fourth U-Turn that we made looking for our final destination I saw a sign that said something about a Jail Visiting Center. A very weird place for a date night, no? We finally found the place and all I can say is, "WOW." Janice had heard of the restaurant through word of mouth. Its en route to Grass Valley... and its called, "Le Bilig". A seven year old girl greeted us at the door and showed us to our seats. We later found out that she is the owner/chef's daughter! They had a staff member out and so she filled in. How cool is that? The aroma of the fine cuisine that awaited us was making me drool. In the end, my wife and I ended up enjoying a fabulous meal together. GREAT GREAT GREAT PLACE. If you want have been looking for an out of the way place to go on a date that has handy access to a Bail Bond office... Go there. (Be prepared to drop some dough, but go.)
5) Today I met with the Associate Pastor of the church I'm attending currently. I will call him... Mark (to protect his identity, ya know?). What a good and genuine man he appears to be! We chit chatted for about an hour or so after doing some business together, and then I shifted the conversation toward my faith situation. We had a great, honest, intimate talk for another two hours! Just really, really good stuff. In case you are curious, we pretty much figured out everything: Life's Purpose, Free Will vs God's Sovereignty, why the sky is blue, the solution to world poverty, and Global Warming. Ok... well, it wasn't quite that productive, but it was good nonetheless. I was happy to discover that we both share a passion for the genuine, for bold and straightforward communication, and for Truth and Goodness. I'm looking forward to building a relationship with this guy.
6) Earlier in the week, I received an invitation from the pastor for this weekend... : "Wild Men's Weekend". A men's ministry outreach, it is being billed as, "A time to grow together as brothers, develop friendships, encourage one another, worship the Lord together, and of course have a fun and crazy time learning what it means to be a Wildman for Christ. Part Amazing Race, part Fear Factor, this will be a 24-hour multi destination trip around Sacramento and the Bay Area." I got the invite and figured, "Hey. They want a WildMan? They'll get a WildMan." Still hoping to rediscover my faith, I decided I'll go mix it up a bit and see what happens. Should be an interesting trip.
7) Next weekend, I am heading off for a five day trip to Washington, D.C. for the AIPAC Meeting I wrote about previously. With all that is going on in the world today, it is turning out to be a very timely conference. I think I'll take my laptop along so I can blog while I'm there...
8) I come back to town on a red-eye flight, work a regular day at the office, and then proceed to move my office to a new location for the first time in over five years. The last time I moved, I was all of me, a desk, and a computer. Now... well, I have a $900 moving bill for pro's to do it, a $5,000 bill for my phone systems, a $3,000 bill for my computer guy, and a stress headache that is.... PRICELESS.
9) And then... I need to get to work at the office to get caught up from all this crazy stuff!
Wish me luck!
Just one other thing... how cute is this picture of me and my little boy at IMAX together? We did the 3-D Safari thing as a family and friends last week. Look at the expression on his precioius little face! Predictably, all I seem to be thinking about is chowing down on the buttered popcorn in front of me.
Prepare for Brain Dump.1) Grandma's Bday Party - Ha... I just called her Grandma. Thats funny. Well, last weekend, we celebrated my step-mom's Bday. Had a great time dancin' and hanging out. I did one of those little picture memory things for her for a present. Turned out pretty good.
2) Valentine's Day - Took my honeygirl on a surprise date... out for French Onion Soup, a brief shopping stop at the nearby Outlet Stores, then a movie, and then a really cool dinner show thing at Cafe de la Paz in Berkeley. They had a special Valentine's Day event with an Emmy Award winning Flamenco Dancer and a fabulous band. We had a great time.
3) Yesterday, I got together with Jim (of Jim and Jane in Chapter 7f) for the first time in over two years. We talked for just over an hour and he gave me a very sincere, heart-felt apology for how he treated my wife and I as we left our old church. It takes a man of a certain character to bust out with an apology three years after the fact, and so I applaud Jim for his courage. I was honest with him in telling him that I was a bit miffed that it took him so long to apologize (given that he felt he owed me one nearly five months ago), but I was immediately and pleasantly surprised to receive an additional apology for that! Then, this morning I was even more happy to find that he is already making good on some things he told me he felt that he needed to do to make things right. Thank you for your willingness to stick your neck out a bit Jim. I am very excited and encouraged that our relationship is on the mend.
4) Last night, my wife arranged babysitting and she took me on a surprise date night. We hit the streets around 5:30pm and she told me to drive towards the hills. Around 6:30pm, I was ready to kill her. She had told me to be ready to eat at 6pm and I had been. Now that hunger was progressing in to something that my mom has always called "Feed-The-Bitch-Syndrome" (for the obvious reasons). Just as I was reaching critical mass, my wife told me to the exit the freeway. We began searching for a street, found it, and then looked for an address. "Odd," I thought to myself. "Why are there so many Bail Bonds offices around here?" Seriously, there were at least four or five Bail Bonds offices on this street... and during our fourth U-Turn that we made looking for our final destination I saw a sign that said something about a Jail Visiting Center. A very weird place for a date night, no? We finally found the place and all I can say is, "WOW." Janice had heard of the restaurant through word of mouth. Its en route to Grass Valley... and its called, "Le Bilig". A seven year old girl greeted us at the door and showed us to our seats. We later found out that she is the owner/chef's daughter! They had a staff member out and so she filled in. How cool is that? The aroma of the fine cuisine that awaited us was making me drool. In the end, my wife and I ended up enjoying a fabulous meal together. GREAT GREAT GREAT PLACE. If you want have been looking for an out of the way place to go on a date that has handy access to a Bail Bond office... Go there. (Be prepared to drop some dough, but go.)
5) Today I met with the Associate Pastor of the church I'm attending currently. I will call him... Mark (to protect his identity, ya know?). What a good and genuine man he appears to be! We chit chatted for about an hour or so after doing some business together, and then I shifted the conversation toward my faith situation. We had a great, honest, intimate talk for another two hours! Just really, really good stuff. In case you are curious, we pretty much figured out everything: Life's Purpose, Free Will vs God's Sovereignty, why the sky is blue, the solution to world poverty, and Global Warming. Ok... well, it wasn't quite that productive, but it was good nonetheless. I was happy to discover that we both share a passion for the genuine, for bold and straightforward communication, and for Truth and Goodness. I'm looking forward to building a relationship with this guy.
6) Earlier in the week, I received an invitation from the pastor for this weekend... : "Wild Men's Weekend". A men's ministry outreach, it is being billed as, "A time to grow together as brothers, develop friendships, encourage one another, worship the Lord together, and of course have a fun and crazy time learning what it means to be a Wildman for Christ. Part Amazing Race, part Fear Factor, this will be a 24-hour multi destination trip around Sacramento and the Bay Area." I got the invite and figured, "Hey. They want a WildMan? They'll get a WildMan." Still hoping to rediscover my faith, I decided I'll go mix it up a bit and see what happens. Should be an interesting trip.
7) Next weekend, I am heading off for a five day trip to Washington, D.C. for the AIPAC Meeting I wrote about previously. With all that is going on in the world today, it is turning out to be a very timely conference. I think I'll take my laptop along so I can blog while I'm there...
8) I come back to town on a red-eye flight, work a regular day at the office, and then proceed to move my office to a new location for the first time in over five years. The last time I moved, I was all of me, a desk, and a computer. Now... well, I have a $900 moving bill for pro's to do it, a $5,000 bill for my phone systems, a $3,000 bill for my computer guy, and a stress headache that is.... PRICELESS.
9) And then... I need to get to work at the office to get caught up from all this crazy stuff!
Wish me luck!
Just one other thing... how cute is this picture of me and my little boy at IMAX together? We did the 3-D Safari thing as a family and friends last week. Look at the expression on his precioius little face! Predictably, all I seem to be thinking about is chowing down on the buttered popcorn in front of me.
posted by Miroslav at 6:35 PM
4 comments
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Killing me softly
A thrice explored subject...
Lets hear about it!Once:
She beckons to me
With slanted eyes
And a dangerous sort of innocence about her.
I've come to believe that
It is the sort of look
That hides a deeper, more cruel intention.
Its been more than three months
Since the last time I've seen her.
And now, my time has come again.
She cleans the tools of her trade.
Coldly calculating, she measures me with a glance.
"Two or three" she asks.
As if I remember.
If I could remember THOSE sorts of things, I probably wouldn't be here.
The blade is held tightly in her grasp. She approaches.
With each blow she cuts
Again and again and again.
All I can do is wince in agony.
What good would it do to cry out?
Casually, she kills me.
She looks away, talking with the others
as she strikes my head with utter disregard.
Like she is tending to the kids while vacuuming the rug.
So casually. Like she has done this a million times before.
The blade strikes my head, wounding me with each and every blow.
As my eyes well up with tears,
I ask myself,
"Why?? What am I doing here?
Why do I keep coming back?
There has got to be another place to get my haircut nearby!"
Twice:
Ok, if you don't understand that retarded poem... Let me spell it out for you. I have this cheapo' Asian haircut joint that is right around the corner from my office. Every three months my hair gets to the point that I start to look like your typical-white-raggedy-male-who-hasn't-had-a-haircut-in-three-months-plus and right around that same time I also begin to have a temporary brain failure. "Brain failure??", you ask. Yes, let me explain. When my hair starts to get too long, I think, "Oh... I know! There is this place right here that is really convenient and they are cheap... I'll just stop on by and get my hair cut there!" Here is the thing. They give HORRIBLE hair cuts. I should know, I've received them before. Also, they have more turnover in this place than... than... (avoiding a cheesy bakery reference here)... lets just say it seems like it is the first place newly licensed hair cut types go for employment to practice on us, the unsuspecting (or in my case quickly forgetting) public. I mean, these guys and gals are just awful.
Anyhow, about nine months ago, there was a new employee. I didn't recognize her when I went in, but hey... she was available, and I need my hair cut, so I sat down in her chair and hoped for the best. Five minutes later, I was in excruciating pain as she slammed her clippers in to my head over and over again. I mean, she must have been taught that you have to dig in deep in to the scalp in order to cut the hair or something. I had a splitting headache for hours afterwards and my head felt soft like an over ripened tomato. It was HORRIBLE. I vowed to never go back. Then, three months later, ... the long hair grew back ... and the brain failure came again. I went back in and the same thing happened. Same pain... and same vow. Then today, ... long hair... and the freakin' brain failure and another visit to the evil Asian witch doctor, torturer hair cut girl.. BAH.
Thrice:
On another visit of mine, not long after the passing away of my grandfather, I went in to get my haircut and was greeted by Theresa, the owner of this fine establishment. She was grinning widely as she started getting ready. She started the typical chit chat that normally occurs while you are getting your haircut... you know, talk about business and the weather and such. I heard the whurr of the clippers as she pressed them (gently) against my head. To my surprise, I looked down in my lap and saw an unusually large chunk of hair. I quickly looked up and jerked away from her clippers. She had mistaken me for my father who at that time was getting a very very short buzz on the sides! At that point, there was no turning back... she was toembarrassedrassed, but had to continue. I wasn't TOO upset, but playfully gave her a bit of hard time.
Towards the end of the haircut, she was tiding up the back of my neck and around my ears... and then she said, "Ok, now we will just clip these eyebrows...." And before I knew it, she had trimmed my eyebrows. Remember how I mentioned that this was just after the passing away of my grandfather? Well, my grandpa had some crazy eyebrows in his latter years. And for some odd reason, I had started to grow some gnarly ones too! Its not like my whole brow was going for the grown-out-bush-look or anything, but I did sprout some individual zany hairs. My wife asked me to get rid of them, but I told her I was growing them for my grandpa... to remember him by. ... And now, Theresa, my friendly-neighborhood-Asian-haircut-establishment-owner had trimmed them right off!
It didn't bug me too much. But I had to tell her the story. Just to tease her about it, ya know?
It was so funny to see her reaction. She was so upset with herself! You know how many of the Asian cultures have a strong reverence for ancestraltoreal spirits and the like.... so she was just red as can be.
Now, every time I go in there, she and I share a good laugh about it, but she always has somebody else cut my hair. :)
Lets hear about it!Once:
She beckons to me
With slanted eyes
And a dangerous sort of innocence about her.
I've come to believe that
It is the sort of look
That hides a deeper, more cruel intention.
Its been more than three months
Since the last time I've seen her.
And now, my time has come again.
She cleans the tools of her trade.
Coldly calculating, she measures me with a glance.
"Two or three" she asks.
As if I remember.
If I could remember THOSE sorts of things, I probably wouldn't be here.
The blade is held tightly in her grasp. She approaches.
With each blow she cuts
Again and again and again.
All I can do is wince in agony.
What good would it do to cry out?
Casually, she kills me.
She looks away, talking with the others
as she strikes my head with utter disregard.
Like she is tending to the kids while vacuuming the rug.
So casually. Like she has done this a million times before.
The blade strikes my head, wounding me with each and every blow.
As my eyes well up with tears,
I ask myself,
"Why?? What am I doing here?
Why do I keep coming back?
There has got to be another place to get my haircut nearby!"
Twice:
Ok, if you don't understand that retarded poem... Let me spell it out for you. I have this cheapo' Asian haircut joint that is right around the corner from my office. Every three months my hair gets to the point that I start to look like your typical-white-raggedy-male-who-hasn't-had-a-haircut-in-three-months-plus and right around that same time I also begin to have a temporary brain failure. "Brain failure??", you ask. Yes, let me explain. When my hair starts to get too long, I think, "Oh... I know! There is this place right here that is really convenient and they are cheap... I'll just stop on by and get my hair cut there!" Here is the thing. They give HORRIBLE hair cuts. I should know, I've received them before. Also, they have more turnover in this place than... than... (avoiding a cheesy bakery reference here)... lets just say it seems like it is the first place newly licensed hair cut types go for employment to practice on us, the unsuspecting (or in my case quickly forgetting) public. I mean, these guys and gals are just awful.
Anyhow, about nine months ago, there was a new employee. I didn't recognize her when I went in, but hey... she was available, and I need my hair cut, so I sat down in her chair and hoped for the best. Five minutes later, I was in excruciating pain as she slammed her clippers in to my head over and over again. I mean, she must have been taught that you have to dig in deep in to the scalp in order to cut the hair or something. I had a splitting headache for hours afterwards and my head felt soft like an over ripened tomato. It was HORRIBLE. I vowed to never go back. Then, three months later, ... the long hair grew back ... and the brain failure came again. I went back in and the same thing happened. Same pain... and same vow. Then today, ... long hair... and the freakin' brain failure and another visit to the evil Asian witch doctor, torturer hair cut girl.. BAH.
Thrice:
On another visit of mine, not long after the passing away of my grandfather, I went in to get my haircut and was greeted by Theresa, the owner of this fine establishment. She was grinning widely as she started getting ready. She started the typical chit chat that normally occurs while you are getting your haircut... you know, talk about business and the weather and such. I heard the whurr of the clippers as she pressed them (gently) against my head. To my surprise, I looked down in my lap and saw an unusually large chunk of hair. I quickly looked up and jerked away from her clippers. She had mistaken me for my father who at that time was getting a very very short buzz on the sides! At that point, there was no turning back... she was toembarrassedrassed, but had to continue. I wasn't TOO upset, but playfully gave her a bit of hard time.
Towards the end of the haircut, she was tiding up the back of my neck and around my ears... and then she said, "Ok, now we will just clip these eyebrows...." And before I knew it, she had trimmed my eyebrows. Remember how I mentioned that this was just after the passing away of my grandfather? Well, my grandpa had some crazy eyebrows in his latter years. And for some odd reason, I had started to grow some gnarly ones too! Its not like my whole brow was going for the grown-out-bush-look or anything, but I did sprout some individual zany hairs. My wife asked me to get rid of them, but I told her I was growing them for my grandpa... to remember him by. ... And now, Theresa, my friendly-neighborhood-Asian-haircut-establishment-owner had trimmed them right off!
It didn't bug me too much. But I had to tell her the story. Just to tease her about it, ya know?
It was so funny to see her reaction. She was so upset with herself! You know how many of the Asian cultures have a strong reverence for ancestraltoreal spirits and the like.... so she was just red as can be.
Now, every time I go in there, she and I share a good laugh about it, but she always has somebody else cut my hair. :)
posted by Miroslav at 11:53 PM
1 comments
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Bush on Darfur
Bush is taking some action towards helping the horrible situation in Darfur. Read about the good news here ... last section in the article.
And with that said... enough new political entries from me for a while!
And with that said... enough new political entries from me for a while!
posted by Miroslav at 12:07 PM
1 comments
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Friday, February 17, 2006
Embarrassed to say...
This made me belt out a good ol' fashioned chuckle...
"In Pakistan, the cleric Mohammed Yousaf Qureshi said the mosque and the religious school he leads would give a $25,000 reward and a car for killing the cartoonist who drew the caricatures — considered blasphemous by many Muslims. He said a local jewelers' association would also give $1 million, but no representative of the association was available to confirm the offer."
(no you sick-o, I didn't laugh at that part... it was this next part that got me)
"Qureshi did not name any cartoonist and he did not appear aware that 12 different people had drawn the pictures."
Top-notch leadership I tell ya...
"In Pakistan, the cleric Mohammed Yousaf Qureshi said the mosque and the religious school he leads would give a $25,000 reward and a car for killing the cartoonist who drew the caricatures — considered blasphemous by many Muslims. He said a local jewelers' association would also give $1 million, but no representative of the association was available to confirm the offer."
(no you sick-o, I didn't laugh at that part... it was this next part that got me)
"Qureshi did not name any cartoonist and he did not appear aware that 12 different people had drawn the pictures."
Top-notch leadership I tell ya...
posted by Miroslav at 9:42 PM
1 comments
Ineffective and Angry
I'm not sure what to make of the two areas of my life that I've seen the most change in since I started my New Year's Resolution. Well, the second item is a pretty predictable reaction I suppose. But I'm stumped on the first. Feedback welcome, as always.
1) I am very very ineffective at work. I can't seem to concentrate. I'm totally scatterbrained. And all of this, as far as I can tell, is primarily a result of one thing... I'm bored. Just utterly and completely uninterested in all of it. "Blah blah insurance, blah blah money, blah blah bonus, blah blah bills."
2) I have a much shorter fuse with just about everything. The F-bomb has made several appearances. (Well, 'several' is a pretty conservative word if I'm being honest...). But don't make too much of that. The foul language is not really the issue that I've taken notice of. Its more than that ... you see, my heart has really just been more angry, much more frequently then ever before.
I think that these are related to my resolution, but maybe not. I am under a lot of stress at work with a new move, a changing marketplace, a new plateau in my business. And I suppose the whole Dark Night of the Soul is bearing in on me too. But still, I'm not sure why I have such a lack of interest in work. Its very weird. Maybe some sort of denial type of coping mechanism kicking in? Since I don't have my usual coping devices to turn to, maybe I'm adapting a new one of subconsciously losing interest in this vitally important part of my life? ...
1) I am very very ineffective at work. I can't seem to concentrate. I'm totally scatterbrained. And all of this, as far as I can tell, is primarily a result of one thing... I'm bored. Just utterly and completely uninterested in all of it. "Blah blah insurance, blah blah money, blah blah bonus, blah blah bills."
2) I have a much shorter fuse with just about everything. The F-bomb has made several appearances. (Well, 'several' is a pretty conservative word if I'm being honest...). But don't make too much of that. The foul language is not really the issue that I've taken notice of. Its more than that ... you see, my heart has really just been more angry, much more frequently then ever before.
I think that these are related to my resolution, but maybe not. I am under a lot of stress at work with a new move, a changing marketplace, a new plateau in my business. And I suppose the whole Dark Night of the Soul is bearing in on me too. But still, I'm not sure why I have such a lack of interest in work. Its very weird. Maybe some sort of denial type of coping mechanism kicking in? Since I don't have my usual coping devices to turn to, maybe I'm adapting a new one of subconsciously losing interest in this vitally important part of my life? ...
posted by Miroslav at 6:59 PM
3 comments
Thursday, February 16, 2006
The battle of my bulge...
In October of '05 I was stunned to find that I had reached my heaviest weight ever: 209lbs.
Tell me more about your TurkeyNeck!I had been treating my body horribly for years and it finally caught up with me. I rarely exercised, ate buttered microwave popcorn with an extra topping of 1/5 of a stick real butter and extra salt four nights per week, and started virtually every day with a croissant from La Bou. ... oh ... and anywhere from three to four sodas per day. Not good to say the least.
I figured that the first place to start was to stop eating so poorly. I cut out all buttered popcorn, La Bou stops, and sodas. I also increased the amount of water that I drank. Within thirty days, I had lost ten pounds. And sixty days after that, another ten had dropped! I had reached 189lbs... SWEET! Best weight in a long time. I looked better and felt better. And so, I figured I could have a little treat... I started eating popcorn again. And of course, you can't have popcorn without soda. And hey, what is one croissant going to hurt? .... hehe...
Yesterday, a good friend of mine called me TurkeyNeck. (What sort of friend is that?!", you are surely asking yourself. I know, I know... what a jerk.). Anyhow, with that insult still in mind, today I stepped on the scale and found that my weight is creeping up again. Up to 195lbs.
And so, tomorrow begins my next push. I am going to shoot for another 20lbs dropped. If I can get to 175lbs (my high school weight) ... I am going to be psyched.
Tell me more about your TurkeyNeck!I had been treating my body horribly for years and it finally caught up with me. I rarely exercised, ate buttered microwave popcorn with an extra topping of 1/5 of a stick real butter and extra salt four nights per week, and started virtually every day with a croissant from La Bou. ... oh ... and anywhere from three to four sodas per day. Not good to say the least.
I figured that the first place to start was to stop eating so poorly. I cut out all buttered popcorn, La Bou stops, and sodas. I also increased the amount of water that I drank. Within thirty days, I had lost ten pounds. And sixty days after that, another ten had dropped! I had reached 189lbs... SWEET! Best weight in a long time. I looked better and felt better. And so, I figured I could have a little treat... I started eating popcorn again. And of course, you can't have popcorn without soda. And hey, what is one croissant going to hurt? .... hehe...
Yesterday, a good friend of mine called me TurkeyNeck. (What sort of friend is that?!", you are surely asking yourself. I know, I know... what a jerk.). Anyhow, with that insult still in mind, today I stepped on the scale and found that my weight is creeping up again. Up to 195lbs.
And so, tomorrow begins my next push. I am going to shoot for another 20lbs dropped. If I can get to 175lbs (my high school weight) ... I am going to be psyched.
THE PLAN
No popcorn at home. No La Bou.
Very limited sodas. Lots of water.
Pushups are definately in order ... and some jogging and bike riding now that the weather is improving.
I might even start going to the gym. Today my wife told me that she thinks it would be sexy if I did so... and anytime she says something like that,
I pretty much do it.
I pretty much do it.
posted by Miroslav at 3:10 PM
5 comments
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
"The depends on what your definition of IS is."
~ President Bill Clinton
Does Christianity teach that homosexuality is a sin? It depends who you ask.
Wait a minute... I thought we were talking about ISLAM! Read more!In the minority, you have the folks who take the Bible and, well... I suppose they take the Bible's teaching on the subject to be their personal marching orders to fight homosexuality. Apparently they think it is good to well... you can see for yourself if you are so inclined: www.godhatesfags.com.
On the complete other end of the spectrum you find the Metropolitan Community Church. These folks have spelled out very clearly their interpretation of what the Bible says about homosexuality. They believe that the Bible's teachings against homosexual practices are commonly twisted and misunderstood and that they are ultimately on par with the Bible's legal teachings found in Leviticus and Deuteronomy... not at all relavent in today's day and age.
The vast majority of those who call themselves Christians, however, would agree that homosexuality, to one degree or another, is a serious sin. Very short essay on the topic here.
How about the issue of abortion ... take that up a notch to the cold blooded murder of a doctor who performed abortions by a former minister. (Story here.)
What are we to make of the huge amount of varience between those who call themselves Christians? And how then do we define what Christianity itself is? How can we attempt to discuss such a large force in our world (the Christian faith) with this lack of agreement?
I suggest that the only way to do so is to speak about such a thing as it is evidenced. That is to say that Christianity is defined, for the sake of practical discussion, by the actions of it devotees as a whole. And when conflicting actions arise between said devotees, you must not work too hard to ignore the unavoidable weight that the actions of the large majority carries. Between the actions of the majority and an even more reliable resource, history... we can come to a reasonable definition of such things for practical discussion.
Unfortunately, we have no crystal ball that will shows us the final definition of things, and so our definitions will always paint with too broad of a brush, but such a thing is completely unavoidable without going in circles trying to account for all exceptions to the general rule.
And all of this is to get to the point of the entry... a response to Heather Ann's comment in an earlier post that warns that we should not "judge Islam on the merits of the radicals, unless we're also going to judge Christianity and America on the merits of its radicals. That ain't a pretty picture."
I agree that judging a group by the actions of a few is a very dangerous thing to do. And I use the word dangerous because I think that doing so leaves far too much room for manipulation and twisting to form a definition that strengthens one's own world view.
Instead, how about we define a thing by what it is evidenced to be. We should judge America based on the actions of most (or the lack of action). We are a self-obsorbed nation. We are obsessed with sex, unrealistic body images, and money. And we have the best thing going in terms of safety, education, opportunity, and freedom in the entire world. That is a good way to define us. The generalities that I've useda are not ALWAYS true... but it is a good place to start from.
Heather Ann wrote, "Do you think that every Christian in the world is up for bombing abortion clinics? Most aren't, and most Muslims aren't happy about the suicide bombings either."
My answer: No. Not every Christian in the world supports the bombing of abortion clinics. For further clarification, let me say that neither do I believe most Christians support such actions. I can even go a step further and say with confidence that very very few Christians do. And how would I make such claims? I would look at the evidence. I look at the actions (including physical and verbal statements and underlying belief systems held) of the large majority. In so doing, any reasonable person can see that no... Christianity, as a whole ... and as it stands today, is not a religion that is a proponant of the murder of people who disagree with important tenants of their faith, including but not limited to doctors who carry out abortions. That is not a difficult call to make. Open your eyes and its obvious. (and all this from a guy who is not a huge fan of Christiandom!)
Heather Ann, did you read the second article that you listed in your previous comment? Do you really think that Salim Mansur ("an associate professor of political science at the University of Western Ontario"), Shadi Hamid ("a master's candidate in Arab studies at Georgetown University; he spent the past year as a Fulbright fellow in Amman, Jordan"), and Asra Nomani [female] ("a former Wall Street Journal reporter") are a good sampling of mainstream Islam? What planet are you living on? The vast majority of Muslims are poor and uneducated. They are very prone to manipulation and brain-washing by leaders in the Muslim faith. Read between the lines of the other guest in the article Shaker Elsayed ("the imam of Dar al Hijrah in Northern Virginia, one of the largest mosques on the East Coast") .... don't you find it interesting how he tiptoes around the subject of suicide bombing in Israel? Ugh... makes me want to puke! His sort is representative of most of Islam.
Asra Nomani, the type of person who is in the severe minority, is saying the same thing that I said in my entry, "Sadly, he [Osama bin Laden] speaks for a lot of people, and he represents what I think we are facing in our Muslim world, which is an ideological terrorism ... that's why it's incumbent upon us as moderate Muslims to respond to this in a nonviolent way, and challenge word for word every statement that they put out in the name of Islam." She goes on to applaud a recent stand that a moderate Muslim group took against "the rhetoric of intolerance and fundamentalism that is trying to take over our world." Yes, exactly. But her words are a bit more ... um... optimistic than I am. I don't think that the intolerant fundamentalists are trying to take over their world, the Muslim world. No, they have already done so. That is why Asra Nomani says, "we have had to stand up now and take back the faith."
Take back?
Who took it? Those now in power. Those who's followers now make up the majority (as evidenced by what the Muslim acts of terror around the globe every day).
I shared my neighborhood very peacefully with an extended family of Pakistani Muslims for over eight years. They were first generation immigrants to the United States. They were very poor. They wore traditional Pakistani garb, went to their mosque several times each week, and sent their sons back to the old country for "schooling" when they became of age. There is no doubt in my mind that their mosques hold weapons and that their members of their family would gladly give their lives to progress the Islamic agenda... namely, the destruction of Jews and Christians. These neighbors of ours had children who laughed and played in our backyard... but a larger than life painting of Osama bin Laden also hung in their living room.
I remember a conversation once with a young man who was very near to my own age. Our conversation began as we discussed the gift of food that he and his family had given to my wife and I. As our conversation continued, we talkedbout his faith and religious practices. I asked him if any of his family members had ever left Islam. His nervously laughed and looked away.
"Nobody", I asked.
"Oh no... definately not.", he replied as his face began to show some discomfort about the subject.
"Nobody, out of all your family members here in America or back home have ever left the faith or became Christians or anything like that?" I continued. I had heard of Muslims becoming Christians and I was trying to find out what sort of reaction such a convert could expect from their family.
"No... nobody. They would be killed."
I almost choked on the food he had given to me. "Wuh... huh? What did you say?"
"They would be killed."
"Really?"
"Yes. The Kohran teaches us that it would be better to kill them than let them live a blasphemous life against Allah."
I pressed him for some more info, asking if he knew anybody who had ever been killed for such a reason. He said that he hadn't had any personal friends or family killed, but that he knew it happened... not here in the states so much, but definately back in Pakistan.
.....
Wow.
.....
Unfortunately.... based on my experiences, what I see in the news every day (large scale acts of terror and large scale violent 'protests'), and what I do not see in the news every day (vast numbers of Muslims crying out at against such acts)... I believe that my conversation with my neighbor is much more representative of mainstream Islam than what people like Shadi Hamid and Asra Nomani have to say.
With all that said, there is certainly a difference between something like the Koran (or Christ's teachings) and its followers. I make no claim to be able to speak with any authority whatsoever about the teachings of the Koran. To be honest, I don't really care! The teachings of the book dont' effect me one bit. The actions of its followers, however, do. I feel complete liberty to question the actions of others. Yes, even Muslims... just as one would do well to question deplorable actions of those claiming to be Christians (or any other religion for that matter).
And when the actions of the majority begin to become so clear and pervasive as the acts of the Muslim population, it is not too far a leap in logic to begin to ask with sincerity... what sort of religion is that?
Wait a minute... I thought we were talking about ISLAM! Read more!In the minority, you have the folks who take the Bible and, well... I suppose they take the Bible's teaching on the subject to be their personal marching orders to fight homosexuality. Apparently they think it is good to well... you can see for yourself if you are so inclined: www.godhatesfags.com.
On the complete other end of the spectrum you find the Metropolitan Community Church. These folks have spelled out very clearly their interpretation of what the Bible says about homosexuality. They believe that the Bible's teachings against homosexual practices are commonly twisted and misunderstood and that they are ultimately on par with the Bible's legal teachings found in Leviticus and Deuteronomy... not at all relavent in today's day and age.
The vast majority of those who call themselves Christians, however, would agree that homosexuality, to one degree or another, is a serious sin. Very short essay on the topic here.
How about the issue of abortion ... take that up a notch to the cold blooded murder of a doctor who performed abortions by a former minister. (Story here.)
What are we to make of the huge amount of varience between those who call themselves Christians? And how then do we define what Christianity itself is? How can we attempt to discuss such a large force in our world (the Christian faith) with this lack of agreement?
I suggest that the only way to do so is to speak about such a thing as it is evidenced. That is to say that Christianity is defined, for the sake of practical discussion, by the actions of it devotees as a whole. And when conflicting actions arise between said devotees, you must not work too hard to ignore the unavoidable weight that the actions of the large majority carries. Between the actions of the majority and an even more reliable resource, history... we can come to a reasonable definition of such things for practical discussion.
Unfortunately, we have no crystal ball that will shows us the final definition of things, and so our definitions will always paint with too broad of a brush, but such a thing is completely unavoidable without going in circles trying to account for all exceptions to the general rule.
And all of this is to get to the point of the entry... a response to Heather Ann's comment in an earlier post that warns that we should not "judge Islam on the merits of the radicals, unless we're also going to judge Christianity and America on the merits of its radicals. That ain't a pretty picture."
I agree that judging a group by the actions of a few is a very dangerous thing to do. And I use the word dangerous because I think that doing so leaves far too much room for manipulation and twisting to form a definition that strengthens one's own world view.
Instead, how about we define a thing by what it is evidenced to be. We should judge America based on the actions of most (or the lack of action). We are a self-obsorbed nation. We are obsessed with sex, unrealistic body images, and money. And we have the best thing going in terms of safety, education, opportunity, and freedom in the entire world. That is a good way to define us. The generalities that I've useda are not ALWAYS true... but it is a good place to start from.
Heather Ann wrote, "Do you think that every Christian in the world is up for bombing abortion clinics? Most aren't, and most Muslims aren't happy about the suicide bombings either."
My answer: No. Not every Christian in the world supports the bombing of abortion clinics. For further clarification, let me say that neither do I believe most Christians support such actions. I can even go a step further and say with confidence that very very few Christians do. And how would I make such claims? I would look at the evidence. I look at the actions (including physical and verbal statements and underlying belief systems held) of the large majority. In so doing, any reasonable person can see that no... Christianity, as a whole ... and as it stands today, is not a religion that is a proponant of the murder of people who disagree with important tenants of their faith, including but not limited to doctors who carry out abortions. That is not a difficult call to make. Open your eyes and its obvious. (and all this from a guy who is not a huge fan of Christiandom!)
Heather Ann, did you read the second article that you listed in your previous comment? Do you really think that Salim Mansur ("an associate professor of political science at the University of Western Ontario"), Shadi Hamid ("a master's candidate in Arab studies at Georgetown University; he spent the past year as a Fulbright fellow in Amman, Jordan"), and Asra Nomani [female] ("a former Wall Street Journal reporter") are a good sampling of mainstream Islam? What planet are you living on? The vast majority of Muslims are poor and uneducated. They are very prone to manipulation and brain-washing by leaders in the Muslim faith. Read between the lines of the other guest in the article Shaker Elsayed ("the imam of Dar al Hijrah in Northern Virginia, one of the largest mosques on the East Coast") .... don't you find it interesting how he tiptoes around the subject of suicide bombing in Israel? Ugh... makes me want to puke! His sort is representative of most of Islam.
Asra Nomani, the type of person who is in the severe minority, is saying the same thing that I said in my entry, "Sadly, he [Osama bin Laden] speaks for a lot of people, and he represents what I think we are facing in our Muslim world, which is an ideological terrorism ... that's why it's incumbent upon us as moderate Muslims to respond to this in a nonviolent way, and challenge word for word every statement that they put out in the name of Islam." She goes on to applaud a recent stand that a moderate Muslim group took against "the rhetoric of intolerance and fundamentalism that is trying to take over our world." Yes, exactly. But her words are a bit more ... um... optimistic than I am. I don't think that the intolerant fundamentalists are trying to take over their world, the Muslim world. No, they have already done so. That is why Asra Nomani says, "we have had to stand up now and take back the faith."
Take back?
Who took it? Those now in power. Those who's followers now make up the majority (as evidenced by what the Muslim acts of terror around the globe every day).
I shared my neighborhood very peacefully with an extended family of Pakistani Muslims for over eight years. They were first generation immigrants to the United States. They were very poor. They wore traditional Pakistani garb, went to their mosque several times each week, and sent their sons back to the old country for "schooling" when they became of age. There is no doubt in my mind that their mosques hold weapons and that their members of their family would gladly give their lives to progress the Islamic agenda... namely, the destruction of Jews and Christians. These neighbors of ours had children who laughed and played in our backyard... but a larger than life painting of Osama bin Laden also hung in their living room.
I remember a conversation once with a young man who was very near to my own age. Our conversation began as we discussed the gift of food that he and his family had given to my wife and I. As our conversation continued, we talkedbout his faith and religious practices. I asked him if any of his family members had ever left Islam. His nervously laughed and looked away.
"Nobody", I asked.
"Oh no... definately not.", he replied as his face began to show some discomfort about the subject.
"Nobody, out of all your family members here in America or back home have ever left the faith or became Christians or anything like that?" I continued. I had heard of Muslims becoming Christians and I was trying to find out what sort of reaction such a convert could expect from their family.
"No... nobody. They would be killed."
I almost choked on the food he had given to me. "Wuh... huh? What did you say?"
"They would be killed."
"Really?"
"Yes. The Kohran teaches us that it would be better to kill them than let them live a blasphemous life against Allah."
I pressed him for some more info, asking if he knew anybody who had ever been killed for such a reason. He said that he hadn't had any personal friends or family killed, but that he knew it happened... not here in the states so much, but definately back in Pakistan.
.....
Wow.
.....
Unfortunately.... based on my experiences, what I see in the news every day (large scale acts of terror and large scale violent 'protests'), and what I do not see in the news every day (vast numbers of Muslims crying out at against such acts)... I believe that my conversation with my neighbor is much more representative of mainstream Islam than what people like Shadi Hamid and Asra Nomani have to say.
With all that said, there is certainly a difference between something like the Koran (or Christ's teachings) and its followers. I make no claim to be able to speak with any authority whatsoever about the teachings of the Koran. To be honest, I don't really care! The teachings of the book dont' effect me one bit. The actions of its followers, however, do. I feel complete liberty to question the actions of others. Yes, even Muslims... just as one would do well to question deplorable actions of those claiming to be Christians (or any other religion for that matter).
And when the actions of the majority begin to become so clear and pervasive as the acts of the Muslim population, it is not too far a leap in logic to begin to ask with sincerity... what sort of religion is that?
posted by Miroslav at 6:18 PM
17 comments
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Great little post...
On a friend of a friend's blog, in a similar vein as my earlier post on the violent Muslims across the globe:
How Dare You Call Me Violent! For That, I Shall Kill You!
How Dare You Call Me Violent! For That, I Shall Kill You!
posted by Miroslav at 2:36 PM
Monday, February 13, 2006
Electrical Contractors ... Just Messing Around?
The answer is NO.
When they tell you that you should shut off all the power before messing with the electrical switches in your house, they are totally being serious.
Just ask me.
Three freakin' times.
(Totally worth it though 'cause now we have dimmer switches installed. Instant romance baby!)
When they tell you that you should shut off all the power before messing with the electrical switches in your house, they are totally being serious.
Just ask me.
Three freakin' times.
(Totally worth it though 'cause now we have dimmer switches installed. Instant romance baby!)
posted by Miroslav at 7:29 PM
4 comments
Sunday, February 12, 2006
A love affair
A poem for you to read if you like...There are these horrible moments that I endure...
When I watch you enjoy your love affair.
You wave it around so publicly,
like a banner for all to see.
You are defined, almost entirely,
by this love that's captured
your heart,
your body,
your very soul.
The smile on your face, so deep and true.
Your voice is oddly, calmly, boldly confident.
"Ain't no mountain too high, ain't no valley too low"
And all that goes along with it.
Circumstance? Ha!
How could mere circumstance stand up to this?
TrueLove trumps, ya know. Always.
I know.
I had it.
Once.
I watch you. The love so obvious in all you do.
My stomach turns in knots.
Its like I'm bleeding inside.
Like I'm dying.
Again.
I feel faint.
My legs are weak.
But its not only painful.
Its not that simple.
I wish it were.
Its like I'm being seduced...
Like being pulled back to a memory of an old lover.
It was real what we had, wasn't it?
It was so good.
But now, it is ... it is ... impossible.
And its so damn painful.
I want to get it back:
What I used to have; the thing you still do.
That which drives you, keeps you, owns you.
I too want to be owned, to be kept, to be driven.
Something inside of me screams out to me that I have a choice in this.
"I'll risk again. Its worth it!" I say to myself.
For a minute I pause and ponder what I'm about to do.
I hesitate.
I feel as though I'm worshiping only a memory.
Only a fond, wonderful memory of what I once had.
Or thought I had.
Who knows anymore.
Nevertheless, I pull my foot up off the ground.
I wobble, a little scared of what is to come.
I press on. This love... it was everything to me.
With the goal in mind and sight, I lean forward.
That love. I need it so very desperately.
As my weight shifts and builds in to momentum...
Hopes and dreams build.
Perhaps I have found the path once again!
Tears of joy begin to stream down my face.
And then, as I fall into the utter darkness of silence,
I remember.
Its not me that stopped returning the calls.
When I watch you enjoy your love affair.
You wave it around so publicly,
like a banner for all to see.
You are defined, almost entirely,
by this love that's captured
your heart,
your body,
your very soul.
The smile on your face, so deep and true.
Your voice is oddly, calmly, boldly confident.
"Ain't no mountain too high, ain't no valley too low"
And all that goes along with it.
Circumstance? Ha!
How could mere circumstance stand up to this?
TrueLove trumps, ya know. Always.
I know.
I had it.
Once.
I watch you. The love so obvious in all you do.
My stomach turns in knots.
Its like I'm bleeding inside.
Like I'm dying.
Again.
I feel faint.
My legs are weak.
But its not only painful.
Its not that simple.
I wish it were.
Its like I'm being seduced...
Like being pulled back to a memory of an old lover.
It was real what we had, wasn't it?
It was so good.
But now, it is ... it is ... impossible.
And its so damn painful.
I want to get it back:
What I used to have; the thing you still do.
That which drives you, keeps you, owns you.
I too want to be owned, to be kept, to be driven.
Something inside of me screams out to me that I have a choice in this.
"I'll risk again. Its worth it!" I say to myself.
For a minute I pause and ponder what I'm about to do.
I hesitate.
I feel as though I'm worshiping only a memory.
Only a fond, wonderful memory of what I once had.
Or thought I had.
Who knows anymore.
Nevertheless, I pull my foot up off the ground.
I wobble, a little scared of what is to come.
I press on. This love... it was everything to me.
With the goal in mind and sight, I lean forward.
That love. I need it so very desperately.
As my weight shifts and builds in to momentum...
Hopes and dreams build.
Perhaps I have found the path once again!
Tears of joy begin to stream down my face.
And then, as I fall into the utter darkness of silence,
I remember.
Its not me that stopped returning the calls.
posted by Miroslav at 6:39 PM
2 comments
Cartoon Prompts Muslim Violence
Other than the obvious (the death of innocents), what bothers me most about all of these violent protests is this:
How is it that there are these HUGE demonstrations across the globe over such a small incident as a political cartoon created by a 'infadel', while cold blooded murder by fellow Muslims in the name of Allah receive only surface-level, political statements in protest? I mean really, ... which is more deplorable?
SUPPOSEDLY, the majority of Muslims believe 9-11 and other terrorist activity to be a violation of the spirit and commandments in the Qur'an. Again and again we are told that Islam is a religion of peace. I'm not so sure. The actions of some of those who claim to be it's followers does not support that claim. (I thought about listing the actions that I'm referring to, but as I began the list... I realized it could go on for pages and pages... from suicide bombers in Israel, to the president of Iran stating he wants to wipe out the nation of Israel and the US, to the scores of violent Muslim protests that occur every year, to the terrorist attacks that are attempted in virtually every country ... and on and on and on...)
If you are a peace-loving, devout Muslim... why not protest the obviously outrageous and evil acts commited in the name of Allah?
The really scary part is this... "The second-largest religion in the world after Christianity, Islam is also the fastest-growing religion."
How is it that there are these HUGE demonstrations across the globe over such a small incident as a political cartoon created by a 'infadel', while cold blooded murder by fellow Muslims in the name of Allah receive only surface-level, political statements in protest? I mean really, ... which is more deplorable?
SUPPOSEDLY, the majority of Muslims believe 9-11 and other terrorist activity to be a violation of the spirit and commandments in the Qur'an. Again and again we are told that Islam is a religion of peace. I'm not so sure. The actions of some of those who claim to be it's followers does not support that claim. (I thought about listing the actions that I'm referring to, but as I began the list... I realized it could go on for pages and pages... from suicide bombers in Israel, to the president of Iran stating he wants to wipe out the nation of Israel and the US, to the scores of violent Muslim protests that occur every year, to the terrorist attacks that are attempted in virtually every country ... and on and on and on...)
If you are a peace-loving, devout Muslim... why not protest the obviously outrageous and evil acts commited in the name of Allah?
The really scary part is this... "The second-largest religion in the world after Christianity, Islam is also the fastest-growing religion."
posted by Miroslav at 1:14 PM
8 comments
Sick
Ugh. My butt feels KICKED today. Hard.
Been fighting off sickness for a couple of weeks. First a swollen throat / cough sort of thing. And now its a sort of head cold that my son and daughter had this week. It feels like everything is way too bright and my body is aching.
So I'm sitting around the house and MyPrecious is calling out to me for some quality time. But I say no. I'm not going to shell out the dough and the subsequent three hours a day in to that stupid addictive game. I'm on a diet, remember?! And quit inviting me to play poker all of you! You aren't making it any easier. Hmmm. How about an update on that resolution of mine?
I've been doing great in some areas and only so-so in others. The most solid performance has come in the gambling arena, which is obviously the most irresponsible use of money. I've done Absolutely ZERO gambling since 1-1-06. WoOt! Next, is the video games. I used eBay to sell five or six games that I had sitting around the house (brought me in $175!). I did buy one used game though... and I renewed my Xbox Live subscription for a year. The worst area has been in the dining out department. I'm still spending way too much dough on food. Need to work on that.
Ok. Thats all for now. I'm off to play some Civ4.
Been fighting off sickness for a couple of weeks. First a swollen throat / cough sort of thing. And now its a sort of head cold that my son and daughter had this week. It feels like everything is way too bright and my body is aching.
So I'm sitting around the house and MyPrecious is calling out to me for some quality time. But I say no. I'm not going to shell out the dough and the subsequent three hours a day in to that stupid addictive game. I'm on a diet, remember?! And quit inviting me to play poker all of you! You aren't making it any easier. Hmmm. How about an update on that resolution of mine?
I've been doing great in some areas and only so-so in others. The most solid performance has come in the gambling arena, which is obviously the most irresponsible use of money. I've done Absolutely ZERO gambling since 1-1-06. WoOt! Next, is the video games. I used eBay to sell five or six games that I had sitting around the house (brought me in $175!). I did buy one used game though... and I renewed my Xbox Live subscription for a year. The worst area has been in the dining out department. I'm still spending way too much dough on food. Need to work on that.
Ok. Thats all for now. I'm off to play some Civ4.
posted by Miroslav at 11:23 AM
0 comments
Saturday, February 11, 2006
I love it when...
... I discover new, groovy tunes that make me want to dance. I mean great music that gets me jiggin' in the car when I drive.
The two newest discoveries?
"How High" - Madonna, from Confessions on a Dance Floor
"Just Lose It" - Eminem, from Curtain Call
Ohhhh yeah. One other thing. You know that super-kewl-secret-G35-club that I'm starting? Well. I got a wave last week. I was psyched. Here's how it went down...
I was stopped at a four stop sign intersection right around the corner from my office and I watched this dude in a dark grey G35 begin to make an illegal U-Turn using the entire intersection to flip it. Well, as he was right in front of me, I honked three times. I think I scared the hell out of him. His head whipped around so freakin' quick ... and then he waved. It might have been completely out of embarassment. But he did wave. Thats what counts.
Club membership on the rise, baby.
The two newest discoveries?
"How High" - Madonna, from Confessions on a Dance Floor
"Just Lose It" - Eminem, from Curtain Call
Ohhhh yeah. One other thing. You know that super-kewl-secret-G35-club that I'm starting? Well. I got a wave last week. I was psyched. Here's how it went down...
I was stopped at a four stop sign intersection right around the corner from my office and I watched this dude in a dark grey G35 begin to make an illegal U-Turn using the entire intersection to flip it. Well, as he was right in front of me, I honked three times. I think I scared the hell out of him. His head whipped around so freakin' quick ... and then he waved. It might have been completely out of embarassment. But he did wave. Thats what counts.
Club membership on the rise, baby.
posted by Miroslav at 11:59 PM
2 comments
Friday, February 10, 2006
Totally not HIS point but...
While definately not the point of Thomas Moore, Wikipedia provides an interesting take on the original meaning behind the Dark Night of the Soul:
A term used to describe a specific phase in a Christian's prayer life. During the Dark Night, one who has developed a strong prayer life and consistent devotion to God suddenly finds traditional prayer extremely difficult and unrewarding for an extended period of time. The individual may feel as though God has suddenly abandoned them, or that their prayer life has collapsed. These feelings are generally exclusive to the prayer life, and the individual is otherwise content with his or her day to day life.
Rather than being a negative event, the Dark Night is believed by Christian mystics to be a gift from God where the individual is trained to grow from vocal and mental prayer, to a deeper contemplative prayer of the soul. The Dark Night comes in two phases: a first "Night of the Senses," and a second "Night of the Spirit."
Which reminds me, I have a voicemail saved on my cell phone ... in it there is a phone number for a Christian mystic that I know and respect. I need to have coffee with him soon. Maybe I'll call him this weekend and set something up for next week.
A term used to describe a specific phase in a Christian's prayer life. During the Dark Night, one who has developed a strong prayer life and consistent devotion to God suddenly finds traditional prayer extremely difficult and unrewarding for an extended period of time. The individual may feel as though God has suddenly abandoned them, or that their prayer life has collapsed. These feelings are generally exclusive to the prayer life, and the individual is otherwise content with his or her day to day life.
Rather than being a negative event, the Dark Night is believed by Christian mystics to be a gift from God where the individual is trained to grow from vocal and mental prayer, to a deeper contemplative prayer of the soul. The Dark Night comes in two phases: a first "Night of the Senses," and a second "Night of the Spirit."
Which reminds me, I have a voicemail saved on my cell phone ... in it there is a phone number for a Christian mystic that I know and respect. I need to have coffee with him soon. Maybe I'll call him this weekend and set something up for next week.
posted by Miroslav at 11:16 PM
2 comments
A Dark Night Explored
I just finished "Dark Nights of the Soul" - 'A guide to find your way through life's ordeals' by Thomas Moore. What a book. I received it as a gift from my dear wife this past Christmas. She is such a great woman. She had watched me struggle through the second half of 2005 and thought of me immediately when she saw the book online. I have LOVED reading this book. It is one of the most bizarre, thought provoking, and challenging things I've ever read. And the timing of my reading of it was perfect.
From Beliefnet.com ... "Moore lived as a monk in a Catholic religious order for thirteen years. A former professor of psychology, he has a Ph.D. in religious studies, an M.A. in theology, and an M.A. in musicology."
In this book Moore explores the concept of the Dark Night of the Soul... something that is deeper and more mysterious than depression and as scary as anything one could possibly imagine.
From the book's jacket ... "Every human journey is filled with emotional tunnels... Society tends to view these "dark nights" in clinical terms as obstacles to be overcome as quickly as possible. But Thomas Moore's [professional experience] has taught him that honoring these periods as incubation and opportunities to delve into the soul's deepest needs can provide healing and a new understanding of life's meaning."
My rating? 5 Thumbs Up! (out of 5, in case you are wondering)
Read more about the book...See, here is the thing. This very odd time of life that I'm in... when I share my heart on it with people, they do what comes naturally. They try to provide answers. They want to give solutions to the problem. They want to help me GET THROUGH IT. I don't blame them. I think that I've done the same thing in the past when I've seen people in a time of hurt. But this book gave me something new to consider:
"You do a disservice to yourself when you treat your feelings of despair and emptiness as deviations from the normal and healthy life you idealize. The dark times, too, like enlightenments and achievements, leave their mark and make you a person of insight and compassion."
I've always been a child of the light, to use metaphorical language. I've been the type who runs to good things... church, the bible, noble things, and the like. Have you read my poem Choose This? Well, I'm like the girl who goes off and gets married to find comfort. Its just how I've always been. Avoid the dark. At all costs. The light is good. And safe. And so when I entered in to this desperately Dark Night of the Soul I was so very scared. Scared of the unfamiliar darkness of it all. I felt guilty. I thought that I needed to get OUT of the darkness... the quicker the better. Another excerpt from the book:
"When people approve only of major tonalities, they become simplistic, not only in their thinking but in their very being. ... A mature person is complicated and has complex ideas and values. The minor tonality of a dark night adds a significant and valuable complexity to your personality and way of life."
So many of the folks I have talked with about my faith situation have offered my their best wishes, promises of prayer, and encouraging words. And I appreciate their intentions. But there is such an irrelevance in assurances of 'better days'. Particularly when set amongst ... well... here, let me just share with you what Moore says on the subject:
"Religion ... often avoids the dark by hiding behind platitudes and false assurances. Nothing is more irrelevant than feeble religious piousness in the face of stark, life-threatening darkness. Religion tends to sentimentalize the light and demonize the darkness. Religion easily becomes a defense and avoidance. Of course, this is not the real purpose of religion, and the religious traditions of the world, full of beautifully stated wisdom, are your best source of guidance in the dark. But there is real religion and there is the empty shell of religion. Know the difference. Your life is at stake."
And back on the topic of RUNNING AWAY FROM THE DARKNESS:
"Flight from the dark infantilizes your spirituality, because the dark nights of the sould are supposed to initiate you into spiritual adulthood."
Back to those well intentioned friends of mine.
"Your dark night is liminal, an in-between place, and that explains in part why it is so uncomfortable. It is neither here nor there. It seems to take you out of life rather than further into it. It becomes difficult to find words for your experience, and you may hesitate to describe it to friends because people usually want good news. They don't know what to do with a person in the dark." (and I might add... other than to pull and tug that person back in to the light.)
Moore is serious about his appreciation of the dark side of life. As a matter of fact he really provides a very odd take on the whole light and dark thing. Unlike the typical demonizing of the dark that occurs in most presentations of life ... he sentimentalizes it. At first, in ways that are fairly easily palatable, like this:
"... the point of staying in the dark is not to trick it into making you brilliant and germ-free, but to make you a more interesting person and to give you a more fascinating life. ... these goals may seem odd. But they are ultimately more humane. Rather than giving you a spotless, well-adjusted personality, they give you substance. You become a person worth knowing, worth listening to, and worth loving, in all of your dimensions."
A spotless, well-adjusted personality... yes, about those. I'm not sure they exist. But people of substance... I've met quite a few. They are rare, make no mistake about it. In this world of ours it is far more common to find people so anxious to hide their real selves because of the fact that who they are is entirely UN-germ-free, full of spots, and not very well-adjusted at all. And I don't mean all of YOU. I'm talking about myself here too. Instead of walking openly in our darkness... we hide it, somehow convincing ourselves that if it isn't shown in public, it doesn't exist. And then, we wonder why we hide it! Could it be that this false image of success, happiness, well-adjustedness that we put on display for all to see only strengthens the cycle of denial and fraudulent living?
Let me tell you something. There have been times that I have envied men dying of cancer. I've seen families endure horrible tragedies, and there has, on certain occasions, arisen in me a longing for what they have. People who have these dramatic, often painful life experiences upon them often gain such enormous clarity on life. Do you know what I'm talking about? Moore comments on the subject from another, less dramatic angle:
"Kearney ... says that catharsis 'stops us in our tracks, throws us off kilter, deworlds us.' To a person intent on getting somewhere, these are not appealing developments, but to the human soul it is important to get out of the busy life, to be dissuaded from familiar activities, and to step outside the paradigm that has become habitual and taken for granted. To be 'deworlded' means to have a rare opportunity to consider a different way of life. You can't renew life without stepping out of the pattern that is in place."
Thats what I'm talking about. There is something very desirous about the sort of thing that completely destroys your world in that it allows you, no... forces you, to look at things anew.
So far so good. You with us (me and Moore) so far? Well... this was the easy part. For at this point Moore begins to explain how in his practice as a therapist, he fights the typical expectation of clients for him "to be nurturing and supportive, and interested in their growth." Instead, he seeks "to represent the underworld mother faithfully" by honoring "the emptiness and the loss". Ok, I figured, he is just saying to allow yourself to experience the depths... to not run from them. He suggests experiencing, exploring, and even embracing the darkness. I can go with that.
Moore writes a great paragraph explaining where the dark night of the soul is found:
"At first there may be many complaints about the loss of meaning and the fear of being disconnected from life. But then we see stages in the descent. Fear turns to emptiness. There is nothing to talk about, nothing to understand. Silence becomes more familiar. Even dreams lose their liveliness. We discover that there is a place deeper than depression."
And though it is not the goal, Moore hints that there may indeed be a light at the end of the tunnel, while making it clear that there are no promises that you will come out smelling like a rose:
"The most precious gift of your dark night might be the sheer edge and heft of your soul, your presence as a person of real substance."
Back to the idea of living honestly, which had become a method of mine even before reading this book, Moore writes on the importance of it:
"To be in the dark and yet capable and forthright is itself rather ironical. The alternative is to pretend to be bright and carefree, when you know yourself to be solidly in the dark. What is needed is not pretense but complexity. You don't hide your suffering, you weave it tightly into the whole fabric of your life and personality."
And then Moore takes his appreciation of the dark further and further. He goes so far to say that he does not "want to be a solar hero battling mosters and racking up mighty accomplishments." And then he says, "I don't want to convince you that my way is best. I don't think it is." ??!?! What the hell does that mean? How on earth can you spend the most precious thing you have (your life) in a way that you admit that you don't even think is best? Here is where Moore and I part ways.
There are plenty of other points of his that I'm not able to accept. For when Moore encourages living honestly, exploring the darkness that life throws at you, and growing your soul... he applauds actions that I'm not comfortable with. He cites one a man turned woman by way of a sex changes as a modern day hero, somebody who was willing to buck the pressures of the world to follow his soul's calling. Moore values "worth being listened to" and heftiness of soul. He has great distain for any sort of "simple moralistic" evaluations or goals.
The problem when anybody begins to reason through that sort of thinking is that inevitably a line is drawn SOMEWHERE. And wherever that line is drawn, moralism is at play... creating a real, yet often time deeply hidden, contradiction. For example, Moore gives more than one hint that he believes sexual exploration, and even deviancy, is healthy for the soul. He gives a good, deep explanation of the how's and why's that I can track with ... but the problem is that his train of logic hits a brick wall when we come to his line in the sand. He seems to hint that being true to yourself is all important so long as it doesn't enter in to his definition of evil. Cross-dressing? Homosexuality? Sex change? S&M? Beastiality? No problem. But certainly Moore is against sex with children. And he doesn't encourage adultery. I just can't follow with this sort of pick and choose moral code. It is so subjective, ya know? How then do you tell the tribesmen who mutilate their thirteen year old girls as a rite of passage that what they are doing is wrong? You may say it hurts the girl... but how about when she WANTS it done? Its the whole relative truth thing. Just does not work for me.
I could go on and on. (As if I haven't already. hehe...) Great book. If you are ever in a dark night of the soul (or want to know what its like) and want your brain tweaked hard... pick this one up. You'll enjoy it.
From Beliefnet.com ... "Moore lived as a monk in a Catholic religious order for thirteen years. A former professor of psychology, he has a Ph.D. in religious studies, an M.A. in theology, and an M.A. in musicology."
In this book Moore explores the concept of the Dark Night of the Soul... something that is deeper and more mysterious than depression and as scary as anything one could possibly imagine.
From the book's jacket ... "Every human journey is filled with emotional tunnels... Society tends to view these "dark nights" in clinical terms as obstacles to be overcome as quickly as possible. But Thomas Moore's [professional experience] has taught him that honoring these periods as incubation and opportunities to delve into the soul's deepest needs can provide healing and a new understanding of life's meaning."
My rating? 5 Thumbs Up! (out of 5, in case you are wondering)
Read more about the book...See, here is the thing. This very odd time of life that I'm in... when I share my heart on it with people, they do what comes naturally. They try to provide answers. They want to give solutions to the problem. They want to help me GET THROUGH IT. I don't blame them. I think that I've done the same thing in the past when I've seen people in a time of hurt. But this book gave me something new to consider:
"You do a disservice to yourself when you treat your feelings of despair and emptiness as deviations from the normal and healthy life you idealize. The dark times, too, like enlightenments and achievements, leave their mark and make you a person of insight and compassion."
I've always been a child of the light, to use metaphorical language. I've been the type who runs to good things... church, the bible, noble things, and the like. Have you read my poem Choose This? Well, I'm like the girl who goes off and gets married to find comfort. Its just how I've always been. Avoid the dark. At all costs. The light is good. And safe. And so when I entered in to this desperately Dark Night of the Soul I was so very scared. Scared of the unfamiliar darkness of it all. I felt guilty. I thought that I needed to get OUT of the darkness... the quicker the better. Another excerpt from the book:
"When people approve only of major tonalities, they become simplistic, not only in their thinking but in their very being. ... A mature person is complicated and has complex ideas and values. The minor tonality of a dark night adds a significant and valuable complexity to your personality and way of life."
So many of the folks I have talked with about my faith situation have offered my their best wishes, promises of prayer, and encouraging words. And I appreciate their intentions. But there is such an irrelevance in assurances of 'better days'. Particularly when set amongst ... well... here, let me just share with you what Moore says on the subject:
"Religion ... often avoids the dark by hiding behind platitudes and false assurances. Nothing is more irrelevant than feeble religious piousness in the face of stark, life-threatening darkness. Religion tends to sentimentalize the light and demonize the darkness. Religion easily becomes a defense and avoidance. Of course, this is not the real purpose of religion, and the religious traditions of the world, full of beautifully stated wisdom, are your best source of guidance in the dark. But there is real religion and there is the empty shell of religion. Know the difference. Your life is at stake."
And back on the topic of RUNNING AWAY FROM THE DARKNESS:
"Flight from the dark infantilizes your spirituality, because the dark nights of the sould are supposed to initiate you into spiritual adulthood."
Back to those well intentioned friends of mine.
"Your dark night is liminal, an in-between place, and that explains in part why it is so uncomfortable. It is neither here nor there. It seems to take you out of life rather than further into it. It becomes difficult to find words for your experience, and you may hesitate to describe it to friends because people usually want good news. They don't know what to do with a person in the dark." (and I might add... other than to pull and tug that person back in to the light.)
Moore is serious about his appreciation of the dark side of life. As a matter of fact he really provides a very odd take on the whole light and dark thing. Unlike the typical demonizing of the dark that occurs in most presentations of life ... he sentimentalizes it. At first, in ways that are fairly easily palatable, like this:
"... the point of staying in the dark is not to trick it into making you brilliant and germ-free, but to make you a more interesting person and to give you a more fascinating life. ... these goals may seem odd. But they are ultimately more humane. Rather than giving you a spotless, well-adjusted personality, they give you substance. You become a person worth knowing, worth listening to, and worth loving, in all of your dimensions."
A spotless, well-adjusted personality... yes, about those. I'm not sure they exist. But people of substance... I've met quite a few. They are rare, make no mistake about it. In this world of ours it is far more common to find people so anxious to hide their real selves because of the fact that who they are is entirely UN-germ-free, full of spots, and not very well-adjusted at all. And I don't mean all of YOU. I'm talking about myself here too. Instead of walking openly in our darkness... we hide it, somehow convincing ourselves that if it isn't shown in public, it doesn't exist. And then, we wonder why we hide it! Could it be that this false image of success, happiness, well-adjustedness that we put on display for all to see only strengthens the cycle of denial and fraudulent living?
Let me tell you something. There have been times that I have envied men dying of cancer. I've seen families endure horrible tragedies, and there has, on certain occasions, arisen in me a longing for what they have. People who have these dramatic, often painful life experiences upon them often gain such enormous clarity on life. Do you know what I'm talking about? Moore comments on the subject from another, less dramatic angle:
"Kearney ... says that catharsis 'stops us in our tracks, throws us off kilter, deworlds us.' To a person intent on getting somewhere, these are not appealing developments, but to the human soul it is important to get out of the busy life, to be dissuaded from familiar activities, and to step outside the paradigm that has become habitual and taken for granted. To be 'deworlded' means to have a rare opportunity to consider a different way of life. You can't renew life without stepping out of the pattern that is in place."
Thats what I'm talking about. There is something very desirous about the sort of thing that completely destroys your world in that it allows you, no... forces you, to look at things anew.
So far so good. You with us (me and Moore) so far? Well... this was the easy part. For at this point Moore begins to explain how in his practice as a therapist, he fights the typical expectation of clients for him "to be nurturing and supportive, and interested in their growth." Instead, he seeks "to represent the underworld mother faithfully" by honoring "the emptiness and the loss". Ok, I figured, he is just saying to allow yourself to experience the depths... to not run from them. He suggests experiencing, exploring, and even embracing the darkness. I can go with that.
Moore writes a great paragraph explaining where the dark night of the soul is found:
"At first there may be many complaints about the loss of meaning and the fear of being disconnected from life. But then we see stages in the descent. Fear turns to emptiness. There is nothing to talk about, nothing to understand. Silence becomes more familiar. Even dreams lose their liveliness. We discover that there is a place deeper than depression."
And though it is not the goal, Moore hints that there may indeed be a light at the end of the tunnel, while making it clear that there are no promises that you will come out smelling like a rose:
"The most precious gift of your dark night might be the sheer edge and heft of your soul, your presence as a person of real substance."
Back to the idea of living honestly, which had become a method of mine even before reading this book, Moore writes on the importance of it:
"To be in the dark and yet capable and forthright is itself rather ironical. The alternative is to pretend to be bright and carefree, when you know yourself to be solidly in the dark. What is needed is not pretense but complexity. You don't hide your suffering, you weave it tightly into the whole fabric of your life and personality."
And then Moore takes his appreciation of the dark further and further. He goes so far to say that he does not "want to be a solar hero battling mosters and racking up mighty accomplishments." And then he says, "I don't want to convince you that my way is best. I don't think it is." ??!?! What the hell does that mean? How on earth can you spend the most precious thing you have (your life) in a way that you admit that you don't even think is best? Here is where Moore and I part ways.
There are plenty of other points of his that I'm not able to accept. For when Moore encourages living honestly, exploring the darkness that life throws at you, and growing your soul... he applauds actions that I'm not comfortable with. He cites one a man turned woman by way of a sex changes as a modern day hero, somebody who was willing to buck the pressures of the world to follow his soul's calling. Moore values "worth being listened to" and heftiness of soul. He has great distain for any sort of "simple moralistic" evaluations or goals.
The problem when anybody begins to reason through that sort of thinking is that inevitably a line is drawn SOMEWHERE. And wherever that line is drawn, moralism is at play... creating a real, yet often time deeply hidden, contradiction. For example, Moore gives more than one hint that he believes sexual exploration, and even deviancy, is healthy for the soul. He gives a good, deep explanation of the how's and why's that I can track with ... but the problem is that his train of logic hits a brick wall when we come to his line in the sand. He seems to hint that being true to yourself is all important so long as it doesn't enter in to his definition of evil. Cross-dressing? Homosexuality? Sex change? S&M? Beastiality? No problem. But certainly Moore is against sex with children. And he doesn't encourage adultery. I just can't follow with this sort of pick and choose moral code. It is so subjective, ya know? How then do you tell the tribesmen who mutilate their thirteen year old girls as a rite of passage that what they are doing is wrong? You may say it hurts the girl... but how about when she WANTS it done? Its the whole relative truth thing. Just does not work for me.
I could go on and on. (As if I haven't already. hehe...) Great book. If you are ever in a dark night of the soul (or want to know what its like) and want your brain tweaked hard... pick this one up. You'll enjoy it.
posted by Miroslav at 8:37 PM
1 comments
Back to the shelf for C.S. Lewis
I've made my way through many of the short stories and essays written by C.S. Lewis that were collected and put in to the volumous 1024 page "Essay Collection & Other Short Pieces". He has a deep mind and an artist's touch with words.
It is time for a rest... but when I pick up Lewis again I plan to read through "The Chronicles of Narnia".
It is time for a rest... but when I pick up Lewis again I plan to read through "The Chronicles of Narnia".
posted by Miroslav at 8:10 PM
2 comments
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Blockage
A sort of writer's block has hit me. Or ... blogger's block as it may be. Just as many crazy thoughts are screwing my brain over, but less passion to write them all down. I think its primarily a result of the enormous energy deficit that I'm running on. Ever have times where you just feel beat for several days on end?
posted by Miroslav at 7:32 PM
0 comments
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
A new poem in the works
The disgustingly average weights of life are breaking my back today. Not quite depression really... something different than that.
Anyhow, on my way out of HomeDepot a thought came to mind for a poem. I only have the last line so far... something along the lines of:
What if chaos and insanity
Are in fact reality?
Anyhow, on my way out of HomeDepot a thought came to mind for a poem. I only have the last line so far... something along the lines of:
What if chaos and insanity
Are in fact reality?
posted by Miroslav at 6:44 PM
2 comments
Friday, February 03, 2006
i-Tunes Tip
I was just making some CD's for our little trip in the car to Napa. After years of illegal music downloading, I use i-Tunes do do all my music now...
Anyhow, while I was making these CD's it it dawned on me to share with you all a little secret a friend of mine shared with me a long time ago. When I first got Janice her i-Pod, my buddy told me about these i-Tunes gift certificates you can get online via eBay. Basically, you buy a Gift Certificate that buys you 100 songs, but instead of paying $100.00 you can get it for around $50 or $60. In essence, you end up getting music at the price of only $0.50 per song instead of the standard $1.00 that i-Tunes charges. Cool yeah? Go to eBay and type in i-Tunes gift certificate (or gift card) and check it out!
Anyhow, while I was making these CD's it it dawned on me to share with you all a little secret a friend of mine shared with me a long time ago. When I first got Janice her i-Pod, my buddy told me about these i-Tunes gift certificates you can get online via eBay. Basically, you buy a Gift Certificate that buys you 100 songs, but instead of paying $100.00 you can get it for around $50 or $60. In essence, you end up getting music at the price of only $0.50 per song instead of the standard $1.00 that i-Tunes charges. Cool yeah? Go to eBay and type in i-Tunes gift certificate (or gift card) and check it out!
posted by Miroslav at 10:36 AM
2 comments
Thursday, February 02, 2006
We are off to Napa!
In the fourth quarter of 2005, I hit some sales goals qualifying me for a free trip to Napa. The payoff is this weekend. The timing could not be any better! I am so beat. Emotionally. Spiritually. Physically. Intellectually. Basically... anything that ends in -lly.
I need some rest.
Tomorrow afternoon my beloved wife and I head for wine country. I am so so so so looking forward to a nice massage, some wonderful food, drinks with friends, and some quality alone time with my woman.
Goodbye cruel world... until we meet again (on Sunday).
I need some rest.
Tomorrow afternoon my beloved wife and I head for wine country. I am so so so so looking forward to a nice massage, some wonderful food, drinks with friends, and some quality alone time with my woman.
Goodbye cruel world... until we meet again (on Sunday).
posted by Miroslav at 8:45 PM
3 comments
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Choose This. I dare you.
My drug taking friend got me to thinking about things. And then I thought about other things. Before you know it, I lost my mind... by choice of course.
But just before I did, this came out.
(I've just realized that pain fuels my poetry... yes, always painful poems.)
But just before I did, this came out.
Choose This.
See the woman on the street
She works so hard upon her feet.
Back and forth and back again
As only a desperate hooker can.
Her sister rests far ‘cross town
Atop a bed clothed with down.
She gives her man a long deep kiss
Then explores their wedded bliss.
Both these women… beat and raped
Ten to eighteen and then escaped.
Extricated from their plight
One runs to darkness, the other light.
What makes you act the way you do?
You hate string cheese but love fondue.
Hide from the sun, welcome the rain.
You keep your mind. I’ll go insane.
(I've just realized that pain fuels my poetry... yes, always painful poems.)
posted by Miroslav at 11:33 PM
3 comments
An old friend calls...
I got a call on my cell phone today from an old friend. Somebody I haven't talked to for years. He sounded ... different. He couldn't talk long, but asked if he could call me back in five minutes.
"No problem..." I said.
Thirty minutes later, my phone rang. It was him. Immediately, he began talking my ear off. The guy didn't slow down. He jumped from one story to the next and then back again. He wasn't making any sense. I mean, he was speaking clearly and everything, but where was he going with these stories? Why would he just take off in to such detail after not talking to me for years?
Then, I thought to myself, "Drugs. He must be using again."
Read more...I let my friend talk for over fifteen minutes. I said nothing more than, "Uh, huh."... "Really?" ... "MmmmHmmm." as he jumped in and out of all sorts of stories. He talked about a recent four month stay in prison, the FBI taking his computer, and an assasination plot that he had made privy to. The FBI was somehow investigating him... or somebody close to him. But wait, don't rush to judgement just yet! He had conversations recorded that could proove everything.
Then he started in on stories of betrayal. His wife, his family, his friends... nobody believed him. They all that he was crazy. But no, wait! He had proof he wasn't! He had undergone no less than four seperate psychological evaluations and all of them came back "negative". And his probation reports were all clean. He hadn't been in violation once. Oh, and that time in prison? Well, they never officially arrested him. His record had no evidence of it. There was a typo on the paperwork so its not on his criminal record.
I'm not an expert by any means, but this was too obvious.
"Dude, let me interrupt you for a minute here. Are you using?"
"I haven't violated my probation once." he said.
"You didn't answer my question." I snapped back.
"Man, listen. People have been saying too much." ... I saw that he was completely ignoring what I had just asked but I let him go on, "I'm serious... if you F*** with the FBI, people end up dead. Middle of the night slit your throat sort of stuff. I was right the other two times. Just look at the headlines in the paper! Thats ..."
"Hey!" I said loudly to cut him off. He was getting worse as the conversation went on. "I'm sorry to interrupt you again but I want to get back to my question. Are you using or aren't you?"
"Why does everybody ask that?! I am not in violation of my probation. Didn't I tell you that already? I piss in a cup every week and they haven't found one thing in there. Why don't you believe me?" ... He then launched in to yet another angle on one his elaborate stories.
"Listen man" I said, interrupting for the third time. "You called me for help. I don't know if you want money or food or a place to stay or advice or what but..."
"...Yeah...," he interrupted, "whatever help you can give would be great. My wife kicked me out and wouldn't even leave me money for the phone bill..."
"Ok, well listen. I can't help you with anything until you give me a straight answer to this simple question. And realize that I'm not asking you so that I can turn around and judge you. But I'm not going to let you get away with a political BS answer here. Just answer the question straight up. Are you using or aren't you?"
Anyhow, back and forth we went for about 45 minutes. I figured that was the least I could do for this old friend of mine. He is man with a good heart who has been sadly overtaken by some pretty hardcore drugs. Its a horrible thing to see. In the past, I've prayed and cried with this man. We wrestled through some pretty serious life stuff together. And now, he is on the brink of destruction.
Eventually I had to bring the conversation to an end. "Listen my man. You know I love you. Thats why you called me, right?"
"Yeah, I didn't know who else to turn to."
"Well, I'm glad you called me. First off, you know that drugs really F*** your brain up right?"
"Uh-huh..."
"Well listen. Either you are living a real life version of the X-Files where everybody in the world is out to get you including your wife and kids, extended family, me, your friends, the FBI, and the police. OR. You have some serious issues around you that likely need attention but the drugs in your system are not allowing you to see them clearly. ... Do you get that? Thats whats happening here man. You gotta get away from that stuff."
There was silence on the phone.
He blurted out ... "No... there could be a third possibility... where um...maybe... Hey, I have to go. I'll try to call you later, k?" And then hung up on me.
Argh. I collapsed; my heart filled with sadness.
I hate that you can't help people who don't want to be.
Obviously, the real victims here are his wife, his kids, his family... It wasn't their choice to smoke or shoot up or sniff something. They are the pure victims. But my buddy is a victim too.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to make him out to be completely innocent or anything. I'm sure he made some stupid decisions along the way that got him where he is at now. But I've never walked a day in his shoes, ya know? And what I do know of his past isn't pleasant. And so somehow this friend of mine is a victim of some sort. A victim of life. Of pain. Of fears. Of himself. Of fate?
Bah. Sad stuff.
"No problem..." I said.
Thirty minutes later, my phone rang. It was him. Immediately, he began talking my ear off. The guy didn't slow down. He jumped from one story to the next and then back again. He wasn't making any sense. I mean, he was speaking clearly and everything, but where was he going with these stories? Why would he just take off in to such detail after not talking to me for years?
Then, I thought to myself, "Drugs. He must be using again."
Read more...I let my friend talk for over fifteen minutes. I said nothing more than, "Uh, huh."... "Really?" ... "MmmmHmmm." as he jumped in and out of all sorts of stories. He talked about a recent four month stay in prison, the FBI taking his computer, and an assasination plot that he had made privy to. The FBI was somehow investigating him... or somebody close to him. But wait, don't rush to judgement just yet! He had conversations recorded that could proove everything.
Then he started in on stories of betrayal. His wife, his family, his friends... nobody believed him. They all that he was crazy. But no, wait! He had proof he wasn't! He had undergone no less than four seperate psychological evaluations and all of them came back "negative". And his probation reports were all clean. He hadn't been in violation once. Oh, and that time in prison? Well, they never officially arrested him. His record had no evidence of it. There was a typo on the paperwork so its not on his criminal record.
I'm not an expert by any means, but this was too obvious.
"Dude, let me interrupt you for a minute here. Are you using?"
"I haven't violated my probation once." he said.
"You didn't answer my question." I snapped back.
"Man, listen. People have been saying too much." ... I saw that he was completely ignoring what I had just asked but I let him go on, "I'm serious... if you F*** with the FBI, people end up dead. Middle of the night slit your throat sort of stuff. I was right the other two times. Just look at the headlines in the paper! Thats ..."
"Hey!" I said loudly to cut him off. He was getting worse as the conversation went on. "I'm sorry to interrupt you again but I want to get back to my question. Are you using or aren't you?"
"Why does everybody ask that?! I am not in violation of my probation. Didn't I tell you that already? I piss in a cup every week and they haven't found one thing in there. Why don't you believe me?" ... He then launched in to yet another angle on one his elaborate stories.
"Listen man" I said, interrupting for the third time. "You called me for help. I don't know if you want money or food or a place to stay or advice or what but..."
"...Yeah...," he interrupted, "whatever help you can give would be great. My wife kicked me out and wouldn't even leave me money for the phone bill..."
"Ok, well listen. I can't help you with anything until you give me a straight answer to this simple question. And realize that I'm not asking you so that I can turn around and judge you. But I'm not going to let you get away with a political BS answer here. Just answer the question straight up. Are you using or aren't you?"
Anyhow, back and forth we went for about 45 minutes. I figured that was the least I could do for this old friend of mine. He is man with a good heart who has been sadly overtaken by some pretty hardcore drugs. Its a horrible thing to see. In the past, I've prayed and cried with this man. We wrestled through some pretty serious life stuff together. And now, he is on the brink of destruction.
Eventually I had to bring the conversation to an end. "Listen my man. You know I love you. Thats why you called me, right?"
"Yeah, I didn't know who else to turn to."
"Well, I'm glad you called me. First off, you know that drugs really F*** your brain up right?"
"Uh-huh..."
"Well listen. Either you are living a real life version of the X-Files where everybody in the world is out to get you including your wife and kids, extended family, me, your friends, the FBI, and the police. OR. You have some serious issues around you that likely need attention but the drugs in your system are not allowing you to see them clearly. ... Do you get that? Thats whats happening here man. You gotta get away from that stuff."
There was silence on the phone.
He blurted out ... "No... there could be a third possibility... where um...maybe... Hey, I have to go. I'll try to call you later, k?" And then hung up on me.
Argh. I collapsed; my heart filled with sadness.
I hate that you can't help people who don't want to be.
Obviously, the real victims here are his wife, his kids, his family... It wasn't their choice to smoke or shoot up or sniff something. They are the pure victims. But my buddy is a victim too.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to make him out to be completely innocent or anything. I'm sure he made some stupid decisions along the way that got him where he is at now. But I've never walked a day in his shoes, ya know? And what I do know of his past isn't pleasant. And so somehow this friend of mine is a victim of some sort. A victim of life. Of pain. Of fears. Of himself. Of fate?
Bah. Sad stuff.
posted by Miroslav at 6:18 PM
8 comments
Blogroll check!
A new blog discovery today ... Pilgrim.Not.Wanderer
Well written, thoughtful, deep blog from a Christian man not afraid of searching the depths. Worthy of being added to my blogroll any day of the week.
Well written, thoughtful, deep blog from a Christian man not afraid of searching the depths. Worthy of being added to my blogroll any day of the week.
posted by Miroslav at 3:16 PM
0 comments
About Me
- Name: Miroslav
- Location: Nor Cal
Email me at...
miroslavsmusings[AT]gmail.com
Here is what I'm listening to nowadays:
Ten Most Recent Posts
- PAUSE
- Humor ...
- Miroslav Junkies
- Just one word.
- Straight out of O
- Speaking of Kindness
- TrueLife
- T W O
- Another movie night...
- A week.
Archives
- November 2005
- December 2005
- January 2006
- February 2006
- March 2006
- April 2006
- May 2006
- June 2006
- July 2006
- August 2006
- September 2006
- October 2006
- November 2006
Riches beyond measure...
- My daughter smiles for me
- Blissful slumber with my son
- A young start with TwooWuv
- Some things keep getting better...
- Too cute dang it!
- Little pirate boy
Things that make me smile
A bit of history...
- Chapter 5 - Lies & Marriage
- Chapter 6 - Agony? nah...
- Chapter 7a - Doomed Repetition
- Chapter 7b - Pushed To Confront
- Chapter 7c - Things Get Messy
- Chapter 7d - Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
- Chapter 7e - A Fog of Confusion
- Chapter 7f - Miroslav Walks
- Chapter 8 - Life Goees On ... kinda'
A bit of poetry...
- Hopeful Heartache 7-21-03
- Inescapable Burden 9-8-05
- Tortured Vagabond 9-23-05
- For who I am... 11-15-05
- Two-Faced Man 11-24-05
- The Danger of Depth 1-11-06
- The Sword of the Unspeakable 1-15-06
- Simple Fish 1-28-06
- Choose This. 2-1-06
- A love affair 2-12-06
- The Opposite of Attraction 3-26-06
- Worth It 6-26-06
Books I'm reading
Stacked up waiting to be read
Books I read from '05 - '06
BLOG LINKAGE **
People I know.
Blogs I like.
Sometimes both.
- Woot
- PostSecret
- Thinking Out Loud
- The Mimmenblog
- One Beggar's Bread
- Micah's Blog
- Levi's Blog
- Buckhorn Road
- Eric Sweiven's Blog
- so I was like...you know
Keep up to date on my blog...
