Chapter 8 - Life Goes On . . . kinda'
And so my wife and I left the church of our youth and in so doing began a completely new chapter in our lives. Well, mostly new.
There is MORE?! Read it. Now.We did leave NH. Never went back. Tried probably... um close to twelve churches in our city. But as we tried to move on with our lives, I realized that there was a ton of emotional baggage remaining. What was I to make of all that was going on at our old church? I had witnessed and experienced betrayal, lies, and abusive leadership. Pillars of my life had fallen around me. Role models, social structure, pastoral relationships... now all lay in ruin. And I had seen my dad make the biggest mistake of his life. But despite his mistake, I knew that he was being wrongly accused as he left.
And so I lost sleep trying to reason through it all. I didn't make any progress. I prayed and heard nothing. And then, one night something popped out from the Bible that spoke clarity into my immediate dilemma. To understand this entry from here on out, would be best if you would take a minute and read Psalm 69. But with that said, i will share part of what I found that night (along with my thoughts on the verses). This Psalm gave me such a clear vision of Truth that I called my dad the very next day and shared with him my 'discovery'.
Psalm 69
1 Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck.
2 I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me.
My thoughts: Yes... this is my dad alright. Every friend he had walked with had betrayed him in his time of need. He was sinking. He was engulfed. No foothold in sight.
3 I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.
My thoughts: Yup. He had called. With no answer. No vindication. No help. No God in sight.
4 Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me. I am forced to restore what I did not steal.
My thoughts: His accusers seemed to multiply as the days went on. People out of the woodwork! "Oh yes... we always knew he was this way" sort of stuff. Ugh. But read that last part... ooh that was so powerful. Forced to restore what I did not steal. Such a great way to put it.
5 You know my folly, O God; my guilt is not hidden from you.
My thoughts: Ah. Guilt DID exist, but not in the way the accuser believes it. WOW. wow. WOW. A huge revelation from this simple verse. It dawned on me that David was guilty. He was guilty before God for many things. But that didn't change the fact that his enemy, Saul, was acting unjustly. And then another thing hit me. I remembered Israel, God's chosen people, who were actually punished by the unjust. Yes, God even USED the unjust in order to discipline his Beloved. Holy Smokes! I GOT IT! My father had failed to protect the flock as a leader in as much as he failed to lay it all on the line to fight for what he knew to be right every time. He had allowed the leadership to stray in to abusiveness and had become like them in some ways. But then, after personal pain, my dad finally realized the error of his ways. He repented and took action to course correct... and God, in His mercy, disciplined my dad for his failures. Using the unjust leadership of NH (as Babylon conquered Israel) and under a false pretense (as Israel was overtaken via military), my father was disciplined by God for his failures as a leader. WOW. I got it. It finally made sense. God was not absent. Just ... Mysterious. His work was to be found deeper than what a quick look would find. Justice would prevail. If not here, than in the hereafter for sure. And how great it was that my dad got it now... even thought it was such a terrible price to pay... surely it was grace in action. How much more terrible for those who do not repent!
6 May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me, O Lord, the LORD Almighty; may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me, O God of Israel.
My thoughts: And here an addressing of the obvious effect that all of this would have on others. And a placing of that burden at the feet of God. Just as he was doing by holding his tongue.
7 For I endure scorn for your sake, and shame covers my face.
8 I am a stranger to my brothers, an alien to my own mother's sons;
9 for zeal for your house consumes me, and the insults of those who insult you fall on me.
10 When I weep and fast, I must endure scorn;
11 when I put on sackcloth, people make sport of me.
12 Those who sit at the gate mock me, and I am the song of the drunkards.
13 But I pray to you, O LORD, in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation.
14 Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink; deliver me from those who hate me, from the deep waters.
15 Do not let the floodwaters engulf me or the depths swallow me up or the pit close its mouth over me.
16 Answer me, O LORD, out of the goodness of your love; in your great mercy turn to me.
17 Do not hide your face from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.
18 Come near and rescue me; redeem me because of my foes.
19 You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed; all my enemies are before you.
My thoughts: I couldn't figure my dad out. Why wouldn't he stand up for himself? Stand up and make things right!! Get the truth out there. Go out there and fight fight fight! I so wanted him to FIX things. He was enduring such scorn and shame, insults and mocking. But why? But when I read these verses, I thought of David. I remembered when he had the chance to kill Saul and realized it wasn't his calling... it wouldn't be right. Instead he had to trust God to do things in His timing. And so David waited. And endured hardship. So did my dad.
20 Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.
21 They put gall in my food and gave me vinegar for my thirst.
My thoughts: Oh man did this ring true. Scorn has broken my heart. Powerful. Accurate. Painful. True. Looked for sympathy but found none. No comforters.
Verses 22 - 36
My thoughts: A call for justice and a statement of faith that God will deliver.
***********************
I can't remember exactly how or when... but at a certain point I shared this revelation with both my dad and my step-mom. They were both strangely quiet. At first, I thought I had offended them. But then, as I looked in to their eyes, I realizedthat what I spoke had struck them deep in their hearts. Perhaps they had already known to be true what I shared. Maybe it was nothing new to them. I've never asked. But they both agreed. They both nodded and said, "Yes. That is so true. We are so lucky to have experienced all of this and we even the painful part is by the grace of God." ... They owned up to the failure part. Like David, my dad is not too proud to admit that he sinned. Greatly even. But just as Israel's lack of faith did not justify Babylon's pillaging of Israel's land and people, neither did my father's failures justify the eldership of NH attacking him.
And this new vision of things gave even more clarity what my dad's fog may have been. Why did he give in to the pressure and take responsibility for everything, knowing what he knew? He isn't that type of guy. He is a strong man. Willing to live and die for the RightThing. Anybody that knows him knows that much. But now... with a little more vision of things... I began to see that perhaps it was God Himself who weakened my father's resolve in order that he might be lead to walk through a crucible similar to the one he, as an elder at NH, had made others walk through. Perhaps only by walking through the betrayal and abuse would my father fully come to understand the severity of his mistakes and learn from them, and in so doing would be forgiven and come to know God in a whole new way.
After all, sometimes you have to kill Uriah... ;)
Days turned in to weeks.... then months... then years. As time has gone by, more and more people at NH have begun to discover the same things that my father had discovered. Hundreds have left the church.
And my fathers friends who had falsely accused him? Well, they came and asked for forgiveness. That Tommy character? Well, not only did he come back asking for forgiveness, he also played an instrumental role in helping many of my father's family to see the light. He did the best he could to clear up what had become so muddied, partly by his own mistakes. Thank you for that Tommy. 'Twas and IS appreciated.
Not everything is roses with my dad's drama though. There is a small handful of people who have left the church that never took the time to investigate further my father's claims, were never able to put two and two together, or were told straight out lies about the situation giving them a false sense of clarity. They still think pretty poorly of him. And then, of course, there are the even smaller number of people that remain at NH who hold to the elder's version of the events and have been convinced that my father is dangerous to even speak with for fear that they would be manipulated. You think I'm kidding don't you. Sadly, I'm not.
In 2005, yet another meeting was held about my father at NH, several years after his departure. They decided he was worthy of "a marking". He is now a marked man. Dangerous. Excommunicated. (?) ... There is so much confusion amongst this 'disciplinary action' that even leaders in the church don't know what is going on. I've spoken with some congregants and some lay leaders who claim unflinching support for their eldership and the disciplinary actions they deem necessary, while at the same time admitting they don't understand the claims, the biblical grounds for the discipline, nor the disciplinary action itself. Go figure.
**************************
So that is the kinda part of how life went on for us.
It was a strange thing discovering that Psalm 69 as I did. That same very night I also found Psalm 73. This Psalm was also critically important to me at the time. You see, at that time I was having a struggle with my understanding of God. Things didn't make sense. Where was the power in the promises in the Bible? The Holy Spirit was supposed to bring unity and clarity of vision right? Why so much conflict between Christians? I was being overtaken with grief and the injustice in the world. I hated how the wicked seem to prosper at every turn and the righteous seem to be left without help. World Issues here... not referring to my dad's drama. The poor stay poor at the hands of the rich, ya know? And Christians can't agree on SQUAT and yet they all claim to be inspired by God! Anyhow, before that particular night, I don't think I ever really knew that Psalm 73 existed. But as I studied the Word, BAM! It popped right out to me. It rescued me from the doubts and struggles I was having with God. One small snippet:
16 When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me.
Ultimately, this is a Psalm that directs the believer struggling with the injustice of this world to turn his eyes to eternity, for it is only there that true justice will be found. What a relief! What a life giving passage that was to me at the time. I remember tears raining down from my eyes the very next time I was in the "sanctuary of God" during worship with Him in my car. The Psalm was written by a man who confesses "[his] feet had almost slipped. [He] had nearly lost [his] foothold." Yes, that is where I was, thats for sure.
Life did go on. Like I said at the beginning of this entry, I'd say we tried twelve churches or so. I really believe we saw a very good side of the greater body of Christ. But we saw some more of the dark side of things too.
The good:
On more than one occasion, we were encouraged by the sincerity of worship and the depth of teaching that we found at other churches. One of the churches we went to had a wonderfully free session of worship that went on for two hours straight. Dancing in the aisles. Hands in the air. Men hugging. It was awesome. Not weird, or cheesy, or forced. Just awesome. And some of the fellowship we found was great too. One church we stayed at for about six months was doing its best to kick down the walls between races when it comes to Sunday services. The pastor's goal was a multi-denominational church. He was making great progress and it was great to be a part of.
One of the most wonderful things that we found at the two churches that we 'plugged in to' and subsequently left was that they were completely gracious and respectful as we left. After our experience at NH (both as the 'faithful' congregant and as the 'unfaithful' abandoners), we were absolutely shocked at the grace that was exhibited. We felt loved and honored as we left. Both pastors gave us their full blessing and supported us by trusting that God's work was not limited to their church.
The bad:
One of the churches we picked to get involved in was a fairly new church that was experiencing a good amount of growth. Unfortunately, we came to discover over time that we joined up with the church at precisely the worst time possible... major problems were surfacing in the leadership. For the sake of brevity, let me summarize by saying that these problems ultimately lead to actual physical violence, the pastor being removed for discipline by the governing denomination, and the eldership board being dismantled by the same. Deep, painful, confusing, and ugly. Somehow, I ended up ministering to many of the people who were hurt by the leadership. I was right in the middle of them. As a matter of fact, at the point we left the church we looked back and realized that we had 'invested' in to three specific relationships with people/couples we had met at church and each of the three ended up leaving under much duress! We had felt that there was the best opportunity for friendship with each of these people and lo' and behold... they are the first one who got screwed by the leadership. ... The good news is that I did meet a couple of good friends at this church, some of which I'm still close with to this day.
At the end of two years, we had visited loads of churches, but only put down roots in three of them. And then, Mr. Pastor started his church. My father migrated there (a very surprising turn of events given that many of those who had accused him and betrayed him while at NH were now in attendance there!). My wife and I figured we'd check it out too. We had some good relationships with people there... and thought it would be nice to have our children grow up going to church with family.
And then, well, ... not long after is when this here blog got started!
Want to catch up? Head on back to my very first post.
There is MORE?! Read it. Now.We did leave NH. Never went back. Tried probably... um close to twelve churches in our city. But as we tried to move on with our lives, I realized that there was a ton of emotional baggage remaining. What was I to make of all that was going on at our old church? I had witnessed and experienced betrayal, lies, and abusive leadership. Pillars of my life had fallen around me. Role models, social structure, pastoral relationships... now all lay in ruin. And I had seen my dad make the biggest mistake of his life. But despite his mistake, I knew that he was being wrongly accused as he left.
And so I lost sleep trying to reason through it all. I didn't make any progress. I prayed and heard nothing. And then, one night something popped out from the Bible that spoke clarity into my immediate dilemma. To understand this entry from here on out, would be best if you would take a minute and read Psalm 69. But with that said, i will share part of what I found that night (along with my thoughts on the verses). This Psalm gave me such a clear vision of Truth that I called my dad the very next day and shared with him my 'discovery'.
Psalm 69
1 Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck.
2 I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me.
My thoughts: Yes... this is my dad alright. Every friend he had walked with had betrayed him in his time of need. He was sinking. He was engulfed. No foothold in sight.
3 I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.
My thoughts: Yup. He had called. With no answer. No vindication. No help. No God in sight.
4 Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me. I am forced to restore what I did not steal.
My thoughts: His accusers seemed to multiply as the days went on. People out of the woodwork! "Oh yes... we always knew he was this way" sort of stuff. Ugh. But read that last part... ooh that was so powerful. Forced to restore what I did not steal. Such a great way to put it.
5 You know my folly, O God; my guilt is not hidden from you.
My thoughts: Ah. Guilt DID exist, but not in the way the accuser believes it. WOW. wow. WOW. A huge revelation from this simple verse. It dawned on me that David was guilty. He was guilty before God for many things. But that didn't change the fact that his enemy, Saul, was acting unjustly. And then another thing hit me. I remembered Israel, God's chosen people, who were actually punished by the unjust. Yes, God even USED the unjust in order to discipline his Beloved. Holy Smokes! I GOT IT! My father had failed to protect the flock as a leader in as much as he failed to lay it all on the line to fight for what he knew to be right every time. He had allowed the leadership to stray in to abusiveness and had become like them in some ways. But then, after personal pain, my dad finally realized the error of his ways. He repented and took action to course correct... and God, in His mercy, disciplined my dad for his failures. Using the unjust leadership of NH (as Babylon conquered Israel) and under a false pretense (as Israel was overtaken via military), my father was disciplined by God for his failures as a leader. WOW. I got it. It finally made sense. God was not absent. Just ... Mysterious. His work was to be found deeper than what a quick look would find. Justice would prevail. If not here, than in the hereafter for sure. And how great it was that my dad got it now... even thought it was such a terrible price to pay... surely it was grace in action. How much more terrible for those who do not repent!
6 May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me, O Lord, the LORD Almighty; may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me, O God of Israel.
My thoughts: And here an addressing of the obvious effect that all of this would have on others. And a placing of that burden at the feet of God. Just as he was doing by holding his tongue.
7 For I endure scorn for your sake, and shame covers my face.
8 I am a stranger to my brothers, an alien to my own mother's sons;
9 for zeal for your house consumes me, and the insults of those who insult you fall on me.
10 When I weep and fast, I must endure scorn;
11 when I put on sackcloth, people make sport of me.
12 Those who sit at the gate mock me, and I am the song of the drunkards.
13 But I pray to you, O LORD, in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation.
14 Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink; deliver me from those who hate me, from the deep waters.
15 Do not let the floodwaters engulf me or the depths swallow me up or the pit close its mouth over me.
16 Answer me, O LORD, out of the goodness of your love; in your great mercy turn to me.
17 Do not hide your face from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.
18 Come near and rescue me; redeem me because of my foes.
19 You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed; all my enemies are before you.
My thoughts: I couldn't figure my dad out. Why wouldn't he stand up for himself? Stand up and make things right!! Get the truth out there. Go out there and fight fight fight! I so wanted him to FIX things. He was enduring such scorn and shame, insults and mocking. But why? But when I read these verses, I thought of David. I remembered when he had the chance to kill Saul and realized it wasn't his calling... it wouldn't be right. Instead he had to trust God to do things in His timing. And so David waited. And endured hardship. So did my dad.
20 Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.
21 They put gall in my food and gave me vinegar for my thirst.
My thoughts: Oh man did this ring true. Scorn has broken my heart. Powerful. Accurate. Painful. True. Looked for sympathy but found none. No comforters.
Verses 22 - 36
My thoughts: A call for justice and a statement of faith that God will deliver.
***********************
I can't remember exactly how or when... but at a certain point I shared this revelation with both my dad and my step-mom. They were both strangely quiet. At first, I thought I had offended them. But then, as I looked in to their eyes, I realizedthat what I spoke had struck them deep in their hearts. Perhaps they had already known to be true what I shared. Maybe it was nothing new to them. I've never asked. But they both agreed. They both nodded and said, "Yes. That is so true. We are so lucky to have experienced all of this and we even the painful part is by the grace of God." ... They owned up to the failure part. Like David, my dad is not too proud to admit that he sinned. Greatly even. But just as Israel's lack of faith did not justify Babylon's pillaging of Israel's land and people, neither did my father's failures justify the eldership of NH attacking him.
And this new vision of things gave even more clarity what my dad's fog may have been. Why did he give in to the pressure and take responsibility for everything, knowing what he knew? He isn't that type of guy. He is a strong man. Willing to live and die for the RightThing. Anybody that knows him knows that much. But now... with a little more vision of things... I began to see that perhaps it was God Himself who weakened my father's resolve in order that he might be lead to walk through a crucible similar to the one he, as an elder at NH, had made others walk through. Perhaps only by walking through the betrayal and abuse would my father fully come to understand the severity of his mistakes and learn from them, and in so doing would be forgiven and come to know God in a whole new way.
After all, sometimes you have to kill Uriah... ;)
Days turned in to weeks.... then months... then years. As time has gone by, more and more people at NH have begun to discover the same things that my father had discovered. Hundreds have left the church.
And my fathers friends who had falsely accused him? Well, they came and asked for forgiveness. That Tommy character? Well, not only did he come back asking for forgiveness, he also played an instrumental role in helping many of my father's family to see the light. He did the best he could to clear up what had become so muddied, partly by his own mistakes. Thank you for that Tommy. 'Twas and IS appreciated.
Not everything is roses with my dad's drama though. There is a small handful of people who have left the church that never took the time to investigate further my father's claims, were never able to put two and two together, or were told straight out lies about the situation giving them a false sense of clarity. They still think pretty poorly of him. And then, of course, there are the even smaller number of people that remain at NH who hold to the elder's version of the events and have been convinced that my father is dangerous to even speak with for fear that they would be manipulated. You think I'm kidding don't you. Sadly, I'm not.
In 2005, yet another meeting was held about my father at NH, several years after his departure. They decided he was worthy of "a marking". He is now a marked man. Dangerous. Excommunicated. (?) ... There is so much confusion amongst this 'disciplinary action' that even leaders in the church don't know what is going on. I've spoken with some congregants and some lay leaders who claim unflinching support for their eldership and the disciplinary actions they deem necessary, while at the same time admitting they don't understand the claims, the biblical grounds for the discipline, nor the disciplinary action itself. Go figure.
**************************
So that is the kinda part of how life went on for us.
It was a strange thing discovering that Psalm 69 as I did. That same very night I also found Psalm 73. This Psalm was also critically important to me at the time. You see, at that time I was having a struggle with my understanding of God. Things didn't make sense. Where was the power in the promises in the Bible? The Holy Spirit was supposed to bring unity and clarity of vision right? Why so much conflict between Christians? I was being overtaken with grief and the injustice in the world. I hated how the wicked seem to prosper at every turn and the righteous seem to be left without help. World Issues here... not referring to my dad's drama. The poor stay poor at the hands of the rich, ya know? And Christians can't agree on SQUAT and yet they all claim to be inspired by God! Anyhow, before that particular night, I don't think I ever really knew that Psalm 73 existed. But as I studied the Word, BAM! It popped right out to me. It rescued me from the doubts and struggles I was having with God. One small snippet:
16 When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me.
Ultimately, this is a Psalm that directs the believer struggling with the injustice of this world to turn his eyes to eternity, for it is only there that true justice will be found. What a relief! What a life giving passage that was to me at the time. I remember tears raining down from my eyes the very next time I was in the "sanctuary of God" during worship with Him in my car. The Psalm was written by a man who confesses "[his] feet had almost slipped. [He] had nearly lost [his] foothold." Yes, that is where I was, thats for sure.
Life did go on. Like I said at the beginning of this entry, I'd say we tried twelve churches or so. I really believe we saw a very good side of the greater body of Christ. But we saw some more of the dark side of things too.
The good:
On more than one occasion, we were encouraged by the sincerity of worship and the depth of teaching that we found at other churches. One of the churches we went to had a wonderfully free session of worship that went on for two hours straight. Dancing in the aisles. Hands in the air. Men hugging. It was awesome. Not weird, or cheesy, or forced. Just awesome. And some of the fellowship we found was great too. One church we stayed at for about six months was doing its best to kick down the walls between races when it comes to Sunday services. The pastor's goal was a multi-denominational church. He was making great progress and it was great to be a part of.
One of the most wonderful things that we found at the two churches that we 'plugged in to' and subsequently left was that they were completely gracious and respectful as we left. After our experience at NH (both as the 'faithful' congregant and as the 'unfaithful' abandoners), we were absolutely shocked at the grace that was exhibited. We felt loved and honored as we left. Both pastors gave us their full blessing and supported us by trusting that God's work was not limited to their church.
The bad:
One of the churches we picked to get involved in was a fairly new church that was experiencing a good amount of growth. Unfortunately, we came to discover over time that we joined up with the church at precisely the worst time possible... major problems were surfacing in the leadership. For the sake of brevity, let me summarize by saying that these problems ultimately lead to actual physical violence, the pastor being removed for discipline by the governing denomination, and the eldership board being dismantled by the same. Deep, painful, confusing, and ugly. Somehow, I ended up ministering to many of the people who were hurt by the leadership. I was right in the middle of them. As a matter of fact, at the point we left the church we looked back and realized that we had 'invested' in to three specific relationships with people/couples we had met at church and each of the three ended up leaving under much duress! We had felt that there was the best opportunity for friendship with each of these people and lo' and behold... they are the first one who got screwed by the leadership. ... The good news is that I did meet a couple of good friends at this church, some of which I'm still close with to this day.
At the end of two years, we had visited loads of churches, but only put down roots in three of them. And then, Mr. Pastor started his church. My father migrated there (a very surprising turn of events given that many of those who had accused him and betrayed him while at NH were now in attendance there!). My wife and I figured we'd check it out too. We had some good relationships with people there... and thought it would be nice to have our children grow up going to church with family.
And then, well, ... not long after is when this here blog got started!
Want to catch up? Head on back to my very first post.
posted by Miroslav at 10:42 PM
11 Comments:
King Miroslav,
So many thoughts running through my head on this subject. We've spoken at length about all/most of this and just reading Chapter 8 really just reminds of how sad this whole situation is and was. What a journey! Thank you for the Psalms. I read them both and remember you sharing the first one with me a long time ago. I think it's neat that you go to the church that you go to. I can't help but wonder if this is what Mr. Pastor has inherited:
Jeremiah 23
The Righteous Branch
1 "Woe to the shepherds who are destroying and scattering the sheep of my pasture!" declares the LORD. 2 Therefore this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says to the shepherds who tend my people: "Because you have scattered my flock and driven them away and have not bestowed care on them, I will bestow punishment on you for the evil you have done," declares the LORD. 3 "I myself will gather the remnant of my flock out of all the countries where I have driven them and will bring them back to their pasture, where they will be fruitful and increase in number. 4 I will place shepherds over them who will tend them, and they will no longer be afraid or terrified, nor will any be missing," declares the LORD.
These verses were shown to me a long time ago by a trooper of a man (who was conveniently labeled as a 'young believer') who was so dedicated to seeing this NH mess fixed from the time your father left to the time when this precious man finally left himself.
Matthew 5:9
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
I don't wonder. I think this really IS what happened. And yes, I know that you can't just take a verse out of Scripture, hold it up side-by-side next to something going on in my life, and say: "Well, this is exactly what this verse means". But you know, the Bible is a book of principles. So, IN PRINCIPLE, I believe this is what happened.
God bless you.
But not kinda.
Hecka.
Miroslav,
You are extremely precious to us!
I remember when you brought the WORD to us. It was so powerful,stunning. My spirit bore witness immediately. I remember that you were one of the few people we could trust not to crush our "rawness" at the time. Though what you brought was hard, it was right.
"Through many dangers, toils and snares, we have already come..."
God has been so kind. He cared enough to pry our hands free. It hurt like the dickens but, it was the best thing that ever happened to us.
Through that trial so many good things have come our way. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed. Sometimes I feel almost embarrassed about the blessings heaped upon us He's been so good!
It took a while for my mind to get "screwed in right". (at least pretty right;)And I don't ever want to sit in that particular classroom again!
Ooooooh Nooo.
It is odd that we are in a church family with a lot of old NH people but it's just God's way of saying "Hello, heart. Whatcha got in there? Here, let me yank that outta there! :/ :0 ;)
Jehovah Sneaky.
The journey YOU are on has challenged me and inspired me to walk more thoughtfully.
You are quite the package!
Good times my boy...
I remember when you spoke "the Word of the Lord" to me. We were in your office and you said to me..."Dad, I know what happened!" You went on to say that you had never done this before but you thought the Lord had spoken to you about me.
You then explanied what you have written in this blog and I wept. You quickly (thinking your words had hurt me) added, "But Dad, theres a good part in this too."
I answered you that my tears were tears of joy in that your words struck so true and sudddenly made sense of all that had happened to Marita and me. I also added that "the Lord only chastens those He loves...and man does He love me!"
I asked you to immediately call Marita and speak your vision to her. You picked up the phone and did it.
Over the years our silence would only be broken if people came to us and asked us to speak. It happened about 4 or 5 times and we would speak freely to those who asked. It was because of this "speaking against the leadership of the church" that I was "marked."
Such foolishness.
Love the verses and remember them being our hope in this time of change and chastening.As you know, the Lord has lifted us up and blessed us in unspeakable measure and we are glad. We continue to pray for those we once walked with and those who have suffered under their control, even as the Lord continues to reveal and remove the darkness from our hearts.
May the Lord have mercy on us all.
Much love and respect for you...
-Dad
Miroslav,
I just read your latest post and confess to having wet eyes. Compassion? Yes, but probably a lot more remembering my own journey. I have not told you, but I left the ministry in 1983 because of a sinful situation, not of my making or of my fixing. It was very painful to me to leave the ministry and to begin eventually my teaching career. I memorized a great bunch of Psalms during that time, and even wrote many of my own. (I have been thinking of digging them out lately.)
Hang in there. We do know who is at the end of our journey.
Mr. D
Dashboard,
Twas a sad situation fo' sho'!
Marita,
Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad to hear it was a strange sort of encouragement to hear what I had to say at the time.
It is kind of funny to be at church once again with people who at one time caused so much pain... but I think its a good thing. I'm sure you agree. I think it is helping in the process of healing. Slowly... but surely. And thats not to say everybody will be bussom buddies again, but being there every Sunday and involved in one anothers' lives will help dig out any bitterness or yuckiness in us (and 'them').
Dad,
I continue to be impressed with the genuinely loving attitude you hold toward those who have done so much wrong against you. I also love that you are unwilling to compromise your convictions on the issues at hand. Love you tons.
Mr. D,
You have shared bits and pieces of parts of your journey with me. Your tears encourage me... knowing that these types of roads have been travelled upon before by others, ya know?
Thank you for your thoughts.
Bless the LORD! Been there--did that, i.e., going through the painful mess. And yet, eventually in that time carried very deep within a miniscule seed of faith for a resurrection of a good thing out of the ash heap. What is coming to pass at Mr. Pastor's foundling church is indeed fruition of that seed. God is stitching an amazing tapestry, certainly unlike anything I would ever create!
How happy I am to see the "parental posts" that come in such of spirit of God's healing. Let's shout to the LORD!
Oh, I forgot what I was gonna mention for the benefit of post readers: "Miroslav" equals "lover, or celebrator, of peace"....doesn't it?
Miroslav,
As I read this chapter, my heart aches and my eyes are full of tears. I think I have told you before that you write like you're painting a picture. The thing that has touched me the most is the part in Psalm 69:
"I am forced to restore what I did not steal..."
I have seen King Miroslav's father do this with such grace, it just blows my mind. I'm honored to say that the Lord has allowed me to be witness to the way God has used your dad in this whole situation. Maybe God has allowed this because I used to think he was a CANCER. (I was soooooooo WRONG) Our God is Good. I thank him for restoring our relationship with your family. My prayer is that others will one day feel the same. Thanks for your writings...I could never write this whole mess like you have. But we have a kindred spirit about it all.
God Bless
p.s. And may He get the Glory over all!
Cheers to SHINY BRITE, the [converted] advocate! So glad you're on board with the truth.
Shiny Brite,
Thank you for taking the time to write and share your thoughts! I appreciate your input.
I understand completely your hope that God be glorified in all of it.
Oh my son!
God is SO faithful! I have been sitting here reading all of this and I my spirit and heart agree with it all, especially the the Wow! wow! WOW! part.
I'm breathing again! I love you so much. I can't wait to talk to you in the morning! I can't wait to hug you all. I love you.
Besos from Yo Mama
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