New year's changes!
spoiled
* having the disposition harmed by over indulgence
Yup. Thats me.
I like where this is going. Let me read more...I think it all started about three years ago when my income began to increase substantially. I went from a small business owner struggling to keep the thing alive to making really good money with very little work required. For some people, a situation like that might not be a problem. But for me, I think that it has had a negative effect on me because my financial success removed the hurdles keeping me from excess... from over indulgence.
Its not so much that I have changed, its just that now I have the means to be able to do what I have always wanted to. I've always wanted the cool techno gadgets, now I can have any of them that I want to. I've always wanted to eat anything my tummy desired (steak, lobster, whatever), now I can for a nominal $5.50 delivery charge. I've always wanted a cool sports car, now I've got one. I'm like a kid who has been let loose in a candy store, allowed to eat all the sweets that I can lay my eyes on. At first it was fun; guzzling down as much soda while I kicked all the wrappers on the ground from all the candy I had eaten. But after the first couple of hours, it all began to taste the same. Soon, I began to realize that I was chasing.... chasing after anything close to that first little buzz I got from my first bite's of candy. But with every piece that I shoved in my face, the buzz got harder to find. A single Skittle used to do it. Now it took a handful of JellyBellies. Soon, I'm was eating more than ever at a faster rate than ever just to find that new little thing that will give me a shot, a boost of excitement, a little buzz.
You know what I mean, right? Gotta go see that new movie... gotta eat at the new restaurant... gotta buy the new gadget... gotta find something to buy, to waste my money on, anything to consume, to try to get that buzz again. Always running. Chasing.
But I'm tired of chasing. Its so selfish. But there is more to it than just than. If you look at that definition of spoiled, it mentions "having the disposition harmed." What in the world does that look like? Well, in my case, I think its taken form in several different ways:
1) "The Law of Diminishing Returns" - How can I put this as succinctly as possible? I used to get psyched if I won $20 in a night playing cards. Now, it takes an extra zero to make me smile. Thats just lame. Its pure foolishness. And thats probably the most extreme example, but the same idea applies in the other areas of materialism that I've referred to. A nice dinner out with my wife used to be a special occasion... once per week sort of thing. We'd go to a place that cost us $12/plate and if I was lucky I could convince her to splurge on an appetizer and maybe a soda for us to share. I would leave the place happy as a lark. But recently, I end up with more complaints than compliments when leaving a dining establishment. Unless I spend an ungodly amount of money on food (as if $12/plate isn't bad enough!)..., I tend to qualify the experience as "Eh." (which is Miroslav for "so-so") What used to be a great experience has become common. Until now that is.
2) Rarely in the moment - Have you ever met somebody, even briefly, and you found them to be so amazingly present in the conversation that it stirred something inside of you? There is no cell phone ringing on their hip, no plans they are looking forward to that keep their mind preoccupied, and no idle talk of silly things like sports teams. I love those types of people. ... Well, up to this point, I've been sort of the exact opposite of that I guess. Maybe not ALL the time, but more often than I'd like to be. Most of the time, I've been 'looking forward to' something else, something bigger and better than you, or now, or here. Its a really lame way to live. Its demeaning to those around me, its selfish, and curiously ineffective at achieving any sort of pleasure or happiness! So enough of it already!
3) The Journey - And to what end am I chasing? Do I think I'll find some sort of eternal state of bliss? (Oh yeah... all those wonderfully happy millionaires. Its so obvious that money = peace of mind and joy. Bah.) No, from this point on I will remember some friends of mine who lived in a small trailer home with three children, on an income that was less than twenty percent of my own. The father worked all day (but not more than fourty hours per week) and the mom stayed at home tending to the kids. These friends are my age. In a very real way, their happiness and contentment with life far exceeded mine. And thats not to suggest that I'm never happy or that they are never sad... but I do need to remember that money is not what makes the difference. I want to learn to be content HERE, NOW, on THIS LEG of the journey. Even in this place of doubt and lack of faith that I am in. I am learning to embrace it. (evidence? well, Miroslav got his groove back on New Year's Eve... but more about that in another post)
When you bring those three things together, you find what I have been, but will no longer be: A man who is rarely satisfied with what he has. A man who is always looking away from the here and now hoping that whatever lies on the horizon will bring the next buzz because obviously this ain't cuttin' it. A man who is missing the joy of the journey because of his focus on some imaginary destination.
There is something else to all of this as well. Something less self centered. As I consider world tragedy and ponder what my role is to be in it, I have been hit right upside the head with the enormous amount of responsibility that my wealth brings with it. Surely more is to be expected from the "have's" than the "have-not's." As I consider the attrocities that are commited around the globe, even at the hour I write this silly blog... my mind goes back to the Holocaust. When I first learned about that part of history, I wondered, "Where was everybody? Where were all the good people?" They at least had the excuse of being ignorant. And then there were those that knew, but were unable to do anything to fight it... wether through poverty, or sickness, or physical distance. But what about me? Its a serious question that I don't have the answer for yet. But I do know what my first step is.
res·o·lu·tion* A course of action determined or decided on
I have determined from this point on to:
* Stop chasing.
* Live in the HERE and NOW.
* Enjoy the Journey.
To help me learn to do this:
* For the first three months of 2006 I will spend nothing on myself. No new video games. No new toys. No fancy lunches. No gambling. Nadda. Zilch.
Hmmm... I just re-read this and all this typing just to say I'm not going to spend money on myself seems like such a weak resolution. But man, just know its a huge step. It will be difficult... but I'm excited about the change that I expect it to bring in me. Just to give an idea... just TODAY, the first day of the year, I already wanted to order out for dinner, buy something online, and play online poker. Could have easily thrown away close to $100 chasing the buzz. Up until now,I've been spending money like its nothing. And thats just crazy! There are people DYING for lack of what I have an abundance of....
posted by Miroslav at 3:56 PM
21 Comments:
Miroslav,
It sounds to me like you are getting a huge dose of wisdom. And you are pursuing understanding. I am sure you have thought about it, but if you have more aren't you responsible to be using it to bring about mercy and good?
I do remember a lot of your laments for the awfulness of the world around us. Why not take the challenge one step further and use the resources you have been given to alleviate some of that awfulness?
Just a thought
Pat
Eireann,
You got it chick. The check is in the mail. Look for it. ;)
Mr. D,
Yes, the issue of responsibility has been meditated upon. I mentioned that briefly in my entry.
My answer to your second questions is this: one step at a time. If you take a look at my ramblings here it is PRIMARILY self centered. I mean, really it is. Its an effort on my part to increase MY experience with life. I'm reducing my immediate gratification in an effort to grow it over the long run. With that said, there IS another part to it... the part about responsbility and helping others. That desire does exist inside of me. But I know myself well enough to to say that I'm so stinking spoiled at the moment that any effort to "alleviate some of the awfulness" around us would be very short lived if my materialistic appetite remains. I've got to get a handle on that first. And the first step (though not the last) is to stop spending. To stop digging, if you will.
I'm imagining it will go something like this: 3 month break from frivilous spending, then taking in to account all my resources (finances, talents, etc.), and finally apply them to some sort of humanitarian effort.
And for what its worth, please keep in mind take these harsh words that I use to accuse myself are... well... a bit unbalanced. If I wanted to give a FULL picture of my use of everything I have, there is definately more to the story. But thats not the point to this entry, ya know?
My point is that I've been spending money in such a way that it has made me spoiled. Money has lost its value in many ways. I need to return its relative value. To do so, I'm going to increase the demand for it in my own life by decreasing the supply. Economics 101. :)
Miroslav wrote:
“When you bring those three things together, you find what I have been, but will no longer be: A man who is rarely satisfied with what he has. A man who is always looking away from the here and now hoping that whatever lies on the horizon will bring the next buzz because obviously this ain't cuttin' it. A man who is missing the joy of the journey because of his focus on some imaginary destination.”
I do not think it is BAD that you are desiring satisfaction out of your reach. And, actually, it is very GOOD that you are NOT feeling satisified. In fact, I'd even say your motivation -- "this is an effort on my part to increase MY experience with life" -- is a valid motivation, if you don't stop short of fulfilling it.
C.S. Lewis once said, “"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition (you could add in here eating whatever delicacies your tummy's desire, buying things on the net, winning at poker, yada yada yada) when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
It is WONDERFUL that you are aware of your deep longings for fulfillment. It is BETTER that nothing you have tried just yet has quite met your needs (at least on a permanent, lasting basis).
When Ron and I first read Wild at Heart years ago, we thought of you the whole way through it. I don’t agree with all of Eldredge’s theology, but his main point is that Living in Christ is an Adventure. It’s Wild. It’s full of Story. It’s the Ultimate in Satisfaction. And men are geared to desire the utmost of all these things – men are geared for God. We thought of you, because even back then, we saw you struggling for satisfaction. And we thought, this guy will NEVER be happy until he finds THIS kind of edge-of-your-seat, life-giving relationship with Christ.
Being a Christian is nothing like hiding under the covers and being “terrified that this is all there is.” Christianity is freedom. Christianity is whole. Christianity is running, hand-in-hand with your lover, through soft beach sand and crystal clear water and “wishing that this is all there is!” Christianity is jumping from an airplane with your adrenaline pounding through your brain. Christianity is feeling completely loved, completely cherished, completely needed. Christianity is going to war, a dangerous but exciting war – where you know you are on the winning side. Christianity makes The Way for a person to suffer the worst kind of torture (like being burned at the stake) while calling out love for his enemies and undying loyalty to his Lord. Christianity pulls you away from the here and now to Eternity while allowing you to completely live in the here and now with all senses working full-steam. Christianity is the biggest buzz, and the only buzz that lasts. Christianity – knowing Jesus Christ (or not knowing Jesus Christ) -- is the only true destination there is.
John Piper says he will instruct others “how to glut their soul-hunger on the grace of God. We will paint God's glory in lavish reds and yellows and blues; and hell we will paint with smoky shadows of gray and charcoal. We will labor to wean them off the milk of the world onto the rich fare of God's grace and glory.”
Mama2TSA,
I'm on my third draft here of a respone. Deleted the other two.
I've always loved that CS Lewis quote. Thanks for the encouragement toward *complete* fulfillment.
RE: A 'permenant, lasting buzz'- It was, until now. Up to this point, there has always been a direct correlation between my relationship with God and the amount of satisfaction I found in life.
One part of your comment that I'm sure was intended to encourage... came across condescending to me:
If you guys thought that I "would NEVER be happy" unless something changed in my life... in my book, thats worthy of a phone call or lunch date or something. Bringing it now is a bit like kicking a guy when he is down and saying, 'I just knew this was going to happen.' Its too easy. Kind of cheap. Ya know? If you are going to say something like that, better to have the tough conversation on the front end I say. To repeat, I know its well intentioned, just comes across now as ... um, ... rough.
RE: the postcard from PostSecret.
That card can be interpreted many different ways. I can think of at least three.
When I read it, I interpret it to say, "I'm terrified that this [WHAT I CAN SEE IN FRONT CLEARLY IN THE HERE AND NOW WITH MY OWN TWO EYES... PAIN, DEATH, AGONY, ETC.] is all there really is [THERE IS NO GOD, NO FUTURE JUSTICE AND NO AFTERLIFE TO PUT ALL MY HOPE IN]." Maybe you can relate to that thought, maybe not. I think that all believers in Christ, a purposefully mysterioius God, must surely face this thought from time to time. ... But I could be wrong.
**********
RE: My reading parts of your comment to be condescending:
I wish all the TrueBelievers out there reading my blog could imagine for one second the tremendous heartache, fear, and guilt that would come with a lost confidence in God. Take YOUR faith for example, whoever it might be that is reading this latest entry,... imagine that as strongly as you cling to it, as much as you are SURE of it, as often as you rely on it in good times and bad... imagine for a moment that it was gone. ... And then imagine the questions that come from those around you.
...
Consider the depth of the question, wether stated boldly or subtly, "Perhaps you never really knew God to begin with?"
...
It hurts.
Hi Miroslav,
I wholeheartedly concur with my colleague, Eireann. I've always liked that Eireann!! Oh, and like Eireann, I would like to "check my mail" sometime VERY soon.
Ahem.
My hope for you Miroslav, is that wherever you go, whatever you find yourself studying or reading or pursuing in your quest for "Will the REAL God please stand up", that you will consistently bump into Him. Whether it be His Ways, His standards, His laws, His morality, or His thoughts on the subject of man and how he is hard-wired, my hope and certainty, is that you will find Him again. When I read your posts, so often I find myself gravitating towards verses in the Word which speak to the very subject you are writing about. Even now I hesitate to write them for fear that they may seem trite to you or...boring even.
All this to say that my heart goes out to you. God puts you on my heart at different times and when I am paying attention, I do send up a heartfelt prayer for you. My bent is to get mad at God, so half of my prayer is usually accusing God of tarrying with you or just not being fair. And then, I remember that His ways are WITHOUT fault (which vexes me greatly-haha), so from 51%-on to the end of the prayer, I tell him I am sorry and then I get on with my best thought for you at the moment.
The verse that came to my mind when I was reading this was this one (specifically the 2nd half):
Luke 12
15Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.
For me, I just love how God knows us. He made us. He sees us. he sees me. He sees you.
So, wherever you go, my friend:
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Okay, I would have just TOTALLY not included verses 19 on to the end. But I figured, what the heck? God is not just all about LOVEY-DOVEY, is He? Even He will open a Can when He sees fit.
Crap.
I meant to hit 'Preview'. Oh well, I'm not sure what else I woulda said anyway.
I look forward to hearing how you got your groove back and what that means exactly.
Your bud,
Dashboard
Well, just to clarify, we read the book back back when you were struggling with your addiction to pornography, and we (Ron) did talk to you about that.
And, when we bought you the set of books, we did say we we thought this kind of adventure was just what you needed. We also said that the books TOTALLY made us think of you!
What we talked about behind closed doors, which maybe we should have said more to you, is what a powerful leader you are naturally, and how if that ambition and fervor were turned toward God at 150% -- you would no doubt CHANGE THE WORLD. That is what I mean by "being happy." That's being happy!!
For more clarification, we read in Wild at Heart that pornography is a man's way to seek excitement and to be satisfied.
Thus the correlation.
I'm NOT saying, "We knew this was going to happen." I am referring to the past when "this" (pornography) was happening.
Now that you mention poker, money, etc., it all fits in to the idea as well and seems to fit the same bill -- you need MORE to satisfy you than you have found.
Dashboard,
Ok... I just sent YOU a check in the mail too. Look for it. Hold your breath if you like. 8^x
Thanks for the kind thoughts.
Oooh... you said crap. I'm soooo telling.
Mama2TSA,
Thank you for the clarification regarding with what you intended to say. Like I said in my comment, I am confident your heart's intention was encouragement. There were just a couple of subtle things in the writing style that made it come across as something different (in my own reading of it at least).
Yes, your husband (my good friend) and I have talked on numerous occasions regarding faith, porn, God, and the adventure of faith. That is certainly true.
I do remember very well you guys giving me that set of books. I happen to remember that it was before at least one of you read them though b/c I swear that you asked to borrow them back after I read 'em. I do remember you saying when I opened the books that you thought of me with them, but can't imagine that you said it was 'just what I needed' (which is a completely different type of thing to say) right there on Christmas day. But either way, its cool.
And what are you talking about not telling me I'm a natural leader and ambitious and all that? You guys have told me that plenty of time!
You mention a belief that if my efforts were turned toward God 150% that the world would be changed and I would find hapiness. I did, it didn't, and I didn't. But that doesn't prove there isn't a God. Nor does the world not changing or me not finding hapiness prove that I did not seek Him and trust Him '150%'. That last sentence is super important to me... the thing that I would would be kept in mind. Somehow, it seems that my current lack of faith has somehow morphed in to proof enough to some that I never knew God well to begin with, or perhaps not at all.
All that said, your input and prayers are appreciated M2TSA. Thank you for them!
I only have a few minutes, but wanted to chime in on the point that “Somehow, it seems that my current lack of faith has somehow morphed in to proof enough to some that I never knew God well to begin with, or perhaps not at all.”
I’m going to try an analogy. I know that most analogies break down at some point, but this was my first reaction to your statement. I’m sitting on a chair in my office right now looking at my monitor. I cannot see the chair, but I have absolute faith that this chair will hold me. This faith is based on the fact that I “know chairs” (and the fact that this one cost $800)! So if someone comes to me and says “I currently have a lack of faith in chairs”, then my reaction is to say why? Do you not think it will hold you as it has in the past? Do you not trust it to be true? My ultimate conclusion is that you must not know chairs (at least not the way I do).
I have tasted the sweetness and goodness of God. I see the sorrow and despair in the world. I know that there are things about Him that I will never understand. That’s why He’s God and I am not! I agree with dashboard “His ways are WITHOUT fault”. You know Christianity is about relationship not religion. To quote Darth Vader “I find your lack of faith disturbing”. I know only you know your heart, but I would find it very hard to have a lack of faith in something I had known to be true. Man, I gotta run Tuesday is Chinese food, and my rides leaving! Later Bro.
Lack of faith in something you never believed in...
"Father, why have you forsaken me?"
Jesus
I don't get how folks don't get you and your current suffering. It was promised to us all. We will share in "His" sufferings, one of them being...questioning the ways of God our Father. Of course you have believed, and now you are suffering, as promised.
Your father and brother
Ron,
You made me LOL bustin' out with the Darth Vader quote. NICE.
I like analogies, but I can't do much with the chair one (though I think it illustrates your point just fine). Instead, I'll use one of the parables Jesus used... the building of a house. Until now, I've believed that the only way to build a house was on 'the Rock'. The only reason I've done so is based on the promise that the house will stand after the wind and rain. Given what I see in the world (that Christians experience no better quality of life than non-Christians...), I interpret this parable to hold ETERNAL significance. So like you, I've built my house in a certain manner. But why do we do so? Because we BELIEVE the words in the Bible to be true. We don't build because we see results immediately. We build on faith on a promise of future things, now not visible to us. (This is the part that I couldn't work with in your analogy b/c 'faith' in a chair is a very testable, real, tangible sort of thing.) The faith required by Christ is one that is in our hearts. It isn't because of some crazy miracle we've seen or experienced, it isn't based on some scientific fact, and it isn't based on simple emotion (at least it was none of these in MY case). No, ... there is something deeper, more profound. Something mysterious. Something more than intellectual assent, and something strangely out of reach of moral alignment.
Through this experience of lack of faith, I am learning several things. One of which is that if the God of the Bible exists, I am learning that HE has a lot more to do with my faith than I ever did.
I hold to this statement:
I cannot choose to believe in God any more than you can choose to believe the sky is red.
A quick quote from Duet. with absolutely no research as to the context:
"3 With your own eyes you saw those great trials, those miraculous signs and great wonders. 4 But to this day the LORD has not given you a mind that understands or eyes that see or ears that hear."
I wish that my faith lead life was testament enough for those that know me to show that my faith in Christ as God was real. I lived to the best of my ability to live by faith, trusting my ways to Him. If my earlier faith would be accepted, then Darth Vader's quote would not be direct at me.
Understand what I'm saying here:
BE DISTURBED!
But direct your frustration elsewhere... Perhaps a bit more vertical? Or maybe at the way in which you understand God? Maybe He doesn't work just the way we like to think He does.
Back from lunch and feeling stuffed!!! Hey anonymous, are you saying that Jesus had “lack of faith”, are you saying that we all must have a “lack of faith”? I see no problem with questioning the ways of God our Father, but to me that doesn’t equate to a “lack of faith”. “Father, why have you forsaken me?” I always interpreted as Jesus being the ultimate sacrifice for sin, and therefore for the first time being separated from the Father. In no way would I say Jesus was questioning the ways of God the Father. Gotta run to a meeting… more to come…
Hey good discussion here!
Miroslav,
I do agree with Ron on what Jesus was saying. He definitely did not all of a sudden lose his faith in His Father. He did feel forsaken though. And I believe he WAS forsaken because he bore our sin:
Isaiah 53
5But He was [a]pierced through for (A)our transgressions,
He was crushed for (B)our iniquities;
The (C)chastening for our well-being fell upon Him,
And by (D)His scourging we are healed.
and from the same chapter:
10But the LORD was pleased
To (A)crush Him, (B)putting Him to grief...
He was chastened, crushed by God. Holy Moly. I don't think we will EVER quite appreciate this moment.
It seems to me that Miroslav needs a reason(s) to believe. Which is fine. Which is normal. This is what helps me (and all of us) to believe.
1 Peter 3:15
But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear…
I need a reason to hope…a reason to believe.
Miroslav says:
"I hold to this statement:
I cannot choose to believe in God any more than you can choose to believe the sky is red.
"
I'm going to go out on a limb here and disagree. I do wrestle with this though.
First off, I am not disagreeing that somebody can choose to believe the sky is red. It ain't. Only the part about choosing to believe.
I believe Scripture supports that we can choose God or reject Him. These are choices. To reject Him is to choose to not believe.
There is a point where the Lord states: “men are without excuse”. So does this not mean that God knows the exact threshold of light (mercy) to be shown to us in order for us to believe?
On choosing to believe:
John 3
9Nicodemus said to Him, "How can these things be?"
10Jesus answered and said to him, "Are you (L)the teacher of Israel and do not understand these things?
11"Truly, truly, I say to you, (M)we speak of what we know and (N)testify of what we have seen, and (O)you do not accept our testimony.
12"If I told you earthly things and you do not believe, how will you believe if I tell you heavenly things?
See that? Jesus is telling Nicodemus that "you do not accept our testimony".
I know the Romans passages about who God chooses to have mercy on. But I believe He does and has had Infinite (meaning 'more than enough') mercy on ALL of us. It's just that this mercy is rejectable by us.
On God's very desire for our salvation:
1 Timothy 2:4
...who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.
INCREDIBLE!!
What about these:
John 10:38
But if I do it, even though you do not believe me, believe the miracles, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father."
and
John 14:11
Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves.
I believe that God DOES knows the exact threshold of light (mercy) to be shown to us in order for us to believe. He knows the point at which we become culpable for rejecting this light. This is where we either become saved or "without excuse".
On whether this Mercy extends to everyone or just the select few and also on accepting or rejecting this Mercy:
John3
16"For God so (W)loved the world, that He (X)gave His (Y)only begotten Son, that whoever (Z)believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
All this to say though that I DO believe that Miroslav is already saved, sealed, and delivered! This is just a fog-moment of sorts. Since I know you like C.S. Lewis:
Once a king, always a king.
That's you, baby.
Well, it wasn't exactly a vote of confidence.
"My God, my God...why have you forsaken me?"
Why have you left me?
That's Miroslav's plight right now...is it not?
One of the sufferings of Christ I say. For you young warriors, one day you will taste of it. I pray it is brief, as I pray for my dear son.
-Victor
OK, so back from my meeting…
First, my analogy was a stretch (was going to use the wind), but I hope you got the point I was trying to make.
Second,
“Given what I see in the world (that Christians experience no better quality of life than non-Christians...)”.
What? No better quality of life? When Paul is praising God in prison after being beaten doesn’t he have a better quality of life than a miserable millionaire? To me “quality of life” is a state of mind. It’s thanking God for the good and bad, it’s having nothing and being so grateful; it’s having everything and being so grateful. It’s having a hope that this world cannot. When the wind blows on house without this hope it’s destroyed, but with this hope it stands. It not only stands for the here and now, but also for eternity. Yes, we have this hope because we believe the words of the Bible to be true.
Third,
I’m glad that you realize that HE has a lot more to do with my faith than I ever did. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith." Hebrews 12:2
Fourth,
“I cannot choose to believe in God any more than you can choose to believe the sky is red.”
True, but you could also not choose to believe in gravity and walk off a cliff. There are consequences for belief and unbelief. Judas was a witness to the miraculous life of Jesus Christ himself (or at least a few years of it), and still chose not to believe.
Fifth,
“I wish that my faith lead life was testament enough for those that know me to show that my faith in Christ as God was real”
Again we get back to the relationship thing. I cannot know your true relationship with God, just as you cannot know mine. From an outward appearance I would have said you were a Christian, and I have no reason to say otherwise. Would I say you had a sold-out, no holds bar, edge-of-your seat life-giving kind of relationship. I don’t know. I gotta tell you I’ve noticed recently that the more I get “comfortable” with money, friends, and family the harder I have found it is to have that kind of relationship with God. Something I’m hoping to change in 2006. My prayer is that when your faith returns, which I guarantee it will (here or at the judgment seat of Christ), it will be a sold-out, no holds bar, edge-of-your seat life-giving faith.
Sixth,
Thank God He doesn’t work just the way we like to think He does, our He wouldn’t be God. That said, He did give us an instruction manual. The Sword of the Spirit. To relate to a fellow Warcraft aficionado I suggest you take that sword and start fighting, you will really need to since you have no shield! You wouldn’t send your hero into battle without the proper equipment. Remember Ephesians 6:16 says “above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.” The shield a defensive weapon, and when fiery darts are fired we need to duck under it’s protection.
I gotta run and get some real work done, but to quote another movie (or our governor) “I’ll Be Back!
From Miroslav: "I wish all the TrueBelievers out there reading my blog could imagine for one second the tremendous heartache, fear, and guilt that would come with a lost confidence in God."
Really. I've guessed at what the pain level is like--misery, terror in my mind, the deepest and darkest night of the soul-- and it presses me daily to press God to answer your cries. I've been a bit lackluster in my daily relations with Him the past couple months, but more than anything, I'm moved to read your name into the Psalms in praying for you.
I'll pray for your resolve to follow through on your 3-month goal. As Mr. d said, "wisdom." You go--under the mercy.
I'll leave the discussion about 'Why have you forsaken me?' and God's sovereignty to another day. Those are pretty deep topics and pretty far off the immediate topic of this post... but good stuff everbody.
Dashboard,
King Miroslav. I like that.
ron,
re: 2nd - Yes, I know the *benefits* of faith. But they are not limited to those who believe in Christ. Many men and women all over the globe are able to endure horrible events by holding to a faith that is not in Christ, they trust in Allah, for instance. They too find strength in their beliefs, are comforted when the chips are down, and push forward despite what they see. But real faith, as I'm sure you will also point out, does not equal Real Truth.
re: 4th - What you say is true. However, the difference again with your analogy of faith in gravity is that it is a demonstratable force. God is not. But again, we are straying in to much deeper waters than my original post intended. Now, again, we are heading towards the topic of God's Sovereignty.
re: 5th - hard words from a friend: Was it sold-out, life-giving faith? "I don't know". Ouch. Glad you ain't on the jury! hehe...(Survivor reference here).
Auntie Lamb,
Kind words from you. Thank you for your prayers and thinking of me. I'm doin' well with my resolution through day four! Bought a Chinese Lunch out today b/c my dear wife is a bit sick so she didn't pack me a lunch and I took the kids for her this AM... and Ron tempted me with his talking of Chinese food... but other than that small, necessary expense (hey, a guy's gotta eat SOMETHING right?) ... no spending. One day at a time. :)
King Miroslav,
I foreknew you were going to say that.
Dashboard,
And yet you still wrote what you did. And you call that Love?!
...then...well...I...uh...LOVINGLY foreknew you were going to say that...?
No?
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