PAUSE
One full year ago this day,
words poured forth. So much to say,
I was compelled to start this blog
to help find my way through the fog.
Tortured nights, chaotic thoughts,
and enumerable 'shoulds' and 'oughts'
pushed me towards insanity ...
exposed my unescapable humanity.
Days went by, and then several weeks.
I received encouragement and tough critiques.
Months then passed, and now a year
and that Saving Faith still just ain't here.
So obviously not much has changed,
'cept that I'm not nearly as harangued
by the concept that I must know the Truth.
(Sheesh, writing that feels so uncouth.)
But its the facts, ya know?
"I just don't know!"
I want to,
try to,
but at the end of the day,
"I don't know." is the best I can say.
**
And now this poem sort of died. Just like my desire to blog much any more. No 'oomph' inside to write anything. No impetus to get anything off my chest. No internal wrestlings that I think will be solved by public debate.
So, I guess this is "Adios" for a while. I'm sure I'll be on to post some random news blip or short story or pics of the kids. But all the public soul searching has gotten to be sort of tired and ... I don't know ... for the time being, I'm just sort of done with it. ** To all my faithful readers, might I suggest that you subscribe to my blog via email? (You can do this in the right hand side of the screen down toward the bottom of the blog page.) Then, if and when I decide to start posting again, you will be notified.
Thanks to all of you who have joined me on this journey. My hope is that the public sharing of my life has encouraged you in some way.
I'll end with a quote from one of the all-time best films ever made,
The Naked Gun:
QUOTE
Lt. Frank Drebin: [narrating] The attempt on Nordberg's life left me shaken and disturbed, and all the questions kept coming up over and over again, like bubbles in a case of club soda. Who was this character in the hospital? And why was he trying to kill Nordberg? And for whom? Did Ludwig lie to me? I didn't have any proof, but, somehow, I didn't entirely trust him, either. Why was the I Luv You not listed in Ludwig's records? And if it was, did he know about it? And if he didn't, who did? And [looking around trying to figure out where he had just walked to] ... where the hell was I?
ENDQUOTE
Yeah, thats just what I've been asking: "WHERE AM I?"
My answer ... on a journey.
But, for the forseeable future, I'll be truckin' along sans bloggin'.
Miro, out.
words poured forth. So much to say,
I was compelled to start this blog
to help find my way through the fog.
Tortured nights, chaotic thoughts,
and enumerable 'shoulds' and 'oughts'
pushed me towards insanity ...
exposed my unescapable humanity.
Days went by, and then several weeks.
I received encouragement and tough critiques.
Months then passed, and now a year
and that Saving Faith still just ain't here.
So obviously not much has changed,
'cept that I'm not nearly as harangued
by the concept that I must know the Truth.
(Sheesh, writing that feels so uncouth.)
But its the facts, ya know?
"I just don't know!"
I want to,
try to,
but at the end of the day,
"I don't know." is the best I can say.
**
And now this poem sort of died. Just like my desire to blog much any more. No 'oomph' inside to write anything. No impetus to get anything off my chest. No internal wrestlings that I think will be solved by public debate.
So, I guess this is "Adios" for a while. I'm sure I'll be on to post some random news blip or short story or pics of the kids. But all the public soul searching has gotten to be sort of tired and ... I don't know ... for the time being, I'm just sort of done with it. ** To all my faithful readers, might I suggest that you subscribe to my blog via email? (You can do this in the right hand side of the screen down toward the bottom of the blog page.) Then, if and when I decide to start posting again, you will be notified.
Thanks to all of you who have joined me on this journey. My hope is that the public sharing of my life has encouraged you in some way.
I'll end with a quote from one of the all-time best films ever made,
The Naked Gun:
QUOTE
Lt. Frank Drebin: [narrating] The attempt on Nordberg's life left me shaken and disturbed, and all the questions kept coming up over and over again, like bubbles in a case of club soda. Who was this character in the hospital? And why was he trying to kill Nordberg? And for whom? Did Ludwig lie to me? I didn't have any proof, but, somehow, I didn't entirely trust him, either. Why was the I Luv You not listed in Ludwig's records? And if it was, did he know about it? And if he didn't, who did? And [looking around trying to figure out where he had just walked to] ... where the hell was I?
ENDQUOTE
Yeah, thats just what I've been asking: "WHERE AM I?"
My answer ... on a journey.
But, for the forseeable future, I'll be truckin' along sans bloggin'.
Miro, out.
posted by Miroslav at 10:00 AM
10 Comments:
Have a fun break! I'm sure you'll be back :)
I think I'll be posting less in the near future, mostly because I need to throw what little creative energy I have into holiday crafts and baking. I LOVE this season!! I may post photos tho, depending on how cute things turn out :)
Your readers can also put your site into Google Reader, which lets them know when you and other bloggers update. It saves me lots of time, not checking blogs that haven't changed! I think there are lots of other RSS feeders, but I haven't researched them yet.
What?!#@*&! No more Post Secret? Darn! That's the end.
Immerse yourself in the enjoyment of the freedom. I'm believing that, in the end, the blog time will result in answers you've been seeking in the days to come as you walk, not write.
PS Yo mama was so fine Sat, the beauty of humility and God's loving grace on her, to minister to others. I love her.
Faith tested, and then
a journey not complete, yet.
Movement creates life.
Deaths questions clung on me like a leach, biting and digging in for Blood.
Doom stands on the horizon of my life with hands on hips, Smirking at me with a fetid glower.
I behold no clear alternatives,
I discern no straight course.
There is no even ground on which to place my foot.
Where can I go,
what can I do,
what will be my fate .
These questions orbit me like a swarm of frantic hornets seeking entrance into a befouled nest.
And I, in response, raise my hands to my head as if to ward them off.
But within this toxic sea of reflective, questioning despair . I know from experience there is an island of hope.
And but for my prides sake, I would be there already
I would be there with shoulders reclining against shaded palms, feeling warm tickling sand between digging toes.
But I,
In the midst of my self fashioned hell, reject such awaiting joy .
Why?
What is my logic?
Is it that repentance is to much for me to face?
I see my life as a boat fashioned by my own hands.
It is not (as I had hoped) a fine and seaworthy vessel.
No, instead I see an asinine, and ridiculous scow,
fabricated with mossy, waterlogged, planks.
Lashed loosely together with scraps of soiled and rotting hemp .
And I, (with arms crossed across my chest) stand atop my absurd vessel, Head held high striving to put on a good show for all who see me.
While all the time ignoring the flood seeping in from all sides.
What is my conclusion then .
It is this....
I am a pathetic shipwright,
Life's waters are to deep, and eddied, for me to navigate.
Therefore I must with all effort make my way to that Island.
Leaving my pitiable vessel behind .
For on the sands of that Isle
there is one who Awaits me
and in His presence
my life will find safe harbor
as a castaway on the shores of my Captain.
By Pete Howard
That was a poem wrote years ago. For some reason it made me think of you.
love ya Bro.
Thank you for being honest and for putting it out there.
I wish it had a better effect on YOU but it has made a difference in other people's lives to wonder with you and attempt to answer your questions.
Our church did a series called "Larry's questions". It wasn't exactly your questions but was inspired by your search.
Best wishes!
Deborah,
Yeah... I'll definately be back from time to time with little blurbs, poems, etc. Maybe I'll even come back full time down the road. Who knows?
Anonymrs.,
From now on, you will have to get all my secrets straight from the horse's mouth. (Did I just call myself a horse?)
Auntie Lamb,
Thank you for the encouragement and support! I love that momma of mine too!
George,
Very cool. If it weren't for my absolute inability to write legibly, I might do that from time to time myself.
Eric Sweiven,
Deep Buddha words there brutha'. Thank you!
Pete Howard,
Welcome to the blog! Now that you are here... I QUIT! :) hehe...
I really enjoyed our conversation the other day. Thanks for sharing your poem here. Very powerful.
Pam D,
My blog did have a great affect on me (though agreeably not the one I was aiming for). It allowed me to keep my sanity despite the loss of my faith. And it has brought me very close to tons of people I never would have had the opportunity to speak to so intimately with one on one. It really is a great thing. Nowadays, after people have read my blog, they feel free to open up to me and have REAL and INIMATE conversations without all that lame pretense and idle chit chat getting in the way. I LOVE IT! Bring on the deep stuff!
It's been a year and a day.
***HAPPY ANNIVERSARY***
Hey thanks for the dinner and football last Sunday night.
-Marquez's
Hey Miroslav!
Read thru all of your "Chapters" last night and this morning. Wow! You are a very good writer. I gasped, laughed, and sighed all the way through. Wish I had documented my experience as you.
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