An old friend calls...
I got a call on my cell phone today from an old friend. Somebody I haven't talked to for years. He sounded ... different. He couldn't talk long, but asked if he could call me back in five minutes.
"No problem..." I said.
Thirty minutes later, my phone rang. It was him. Immediately, he began talking my ear off. The guy didn't slow down. He jumped from one story to the next and then back again. He wasn't making any sense. I mean, he was speaking clearly and everything, but where was he going with these stories? Why would he just take off in to such detail after not talking to me for years?
Then, I thought to myself, "Drugs. He must be using again."
Read more...I let my friend talk for over fifteen minutes. I said nothing more than, "Uh, huh."... "Really?" ... "MmmmHmmm." as he jumped in and out of all sorts of stories. He talked about a recent four month stay in prison, the FBI taking his computer, and an assasination plot that he had made privy to. The FBI was somehow investigating him... or somebody close to him. But wait, don't rush to judgement just yet! He had conversations recorded that could proove everything.
Then he started in on stories of betrayal. His wife, his family, his friends... nobody believed him. They all that he was crazy. But no, wait! He had proof he wasn't! He had undergone no less than four seperate psychological evaluations and all of them came back "negative". And his probation reports were all clean. He hadn't been in violation once. Oh, and that time in prison? Well, they never officially arrested him. His record had no evidence of it. There was a typo on the paperwork so its not on his criminal record.
I'm not an expert by any means, but this was too obvious.
"Dude, let me interrupt you for a minute here. Are you using?"
"I haven't violated my probation once." he said.
"You didn't answer my question." I snapped back.
"Man, listen. People have been saying too much." ... I saw that he was completely ignoring what I had just asked but I let him go on, "I'm serious... if you F*** with the FBI, people end up dead. Middle of the night slit your throat sort of stuff. I was right the other two times. Just look at the headlines in the paper! Thats ..."
"Hey!" I said loudly to cut him off. He was getting worse as the conversation went on. "I'm sorry to interrupt you again but I want to get back to my question. Are you using or aren't you?"
"Why does everybody ask that?! I am not in violation of my probation. Didn't I tell you that already? I piss in a cup every week and they haven't found one thing in there. Why don't you believe me?" ... He then launched in to yet another angle on one his elaborate stories.
"Listen man" I said, interrupting for the third time. "You called me for help. I don't know if you want money or food or a place to stay or advice or what but..."
"...Yeah...," he interrupted, "whatever help you can give would be great. My wife kicked me out and wouldn't even leave me money for the phone bill..."
"Ok, well listen. I can't help you with anything until you give me a straight answer to this simple question. And realize that I'm not asking you so that I can turn around and judge you. But I'm not going to let you get away with a political BS answer here. Just answer the question straight up. Are you using or aren't you?"
Anyhow, back and forth we went for about 45 minutes. I figured that was the least I could do for this old friend of mine. He is man with a good heart who has been sadly overtaken by some pretty hardcore drugs. Its a horrible thing to see. In the past, I've prayed and cried with this man. We wrestled through some pretty serious life stuff together. And now, he is on the brink of destruction.
Eventually I had to bring the conversation to an end. "Listen my man. You know I love you. Thats why you called me, right?"
"Yeah, I didn't know who else to turn to."
"Well, I'm glad you called me. First off, you know that drugs really F*** your brain up right?"
"Uh-huh..."
"Well listen. Either you are living a real life version of the X-Files where everybody in the world is out to get you including your wife and kids, extended family, me, your friends, the FBI, and the police. OR. You have some serious issues around you that likely need attention but the drugs in your system are not allowing you to see them clearly. ... Do you get that? Thats whats happening here man. You gotta get away from that stuff."
There was silence on the phone.
He blurted out ... "No... there could be a third possibility... where um...maybe... Hey, I have to go. I'll try to call you later, k?" And then hung up on me.
Argh. I collapsed; my heart filled with sadness.
I hate that you can't help people who don't want to be.
Obviously, the real victims here are his wife, his kids, his family... It wasn't their choice to smoke or shoot up or sniff something. They are the pure victims. But my buddy is a victim too.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to make him out to be completely innocent or anything. I'm sure he made some stupid decisions along the way that got him where he is at now. But I've never walked a day in his shoes, ya know? And what I do know of his past isn't pleasant. And so somehow this friend of mine is a victim of some sort. A victim of life. Of pain. Of fears. Of himself. Of fate?
Bah. Sad stuff.
"No problem..." I said.
Thirty minutes later, my phone rang. It was him. Immediately, he began talking my ear off. The guy didn't slow down. He jumped from one story to the next and then back again. He wasn't making any sense. I mean, he was speaking clearly and everything, but where was he going with these stories? Why would he just take off in to such detail after not talking to me for years?
Then, I thought to myself, "Drugs. He must be using again."
Read more...I let my friend talk for over fifteen minutes. I said nothing more than, "Uh, huh."... "Really?" ... "MmmmHmmm." as he jumped in and out of all sorts of stories. He talked about a recent four month stay in prison, the FBI taking his computer, and an assasination plot that he had made privy to. The FBI was somehow investigating him... or somebody close to him. But wait, don't rush to judgement just yet! He had conversations recorded that could proove everything.
Then he started in on stories of betrayal. His wife, his family, his friends... nobody believed him. They all that he was crazy. But no, wait! He had proof he wasn't! He had undergone no less than four seperate psychological evaluations and all of them came back "negative". And his probation reports were all clean. He hadn't been in violation once. Oh, and that time in prison? Well, they never officially arrested him. His record had no evidence of it. There was a typo on the paperwork so its not on his criminal record.
I'm not an expert by any means, but this was too obvious.
"Dude, let me interrupt you for a minute here. Are you using?"
"I haven't violated my probation once." he said.
"You didn't answer my question." I snapped back.
"Man, listen. People have been saying too much." ... I saw that he was completely ignoring what I had just asked but I let him go on, "I'm serious... if you F*** with the FBI, people end up dead. Middle of the night slit your throat sort of stuff. I was right the other two times. Just look at the headlines in the paper! Thats ..."
"Hey!" I said loudly to cut him off. He was getting worse as the conversation went on. "I'm sorry to interrupt you again but I want to get back to my question. Are you using or aren't you?"
"Why does everybody ask that?! I am not in violation of my probation. Didn't I tell you that already? I piss in a cup every week and they haven't found one thing in there. Why don't you believe me?" ... He then launched in to yet another angle on one his elaborate stories.
"Listen man" I said, interrupting for the third time. "You called me for help. I don't know if you want money or food or a place to stay or advice or what but..."
"...Yeah...," he interrupted, "whatever help you can give would be great. My wife kicked me out and wouldn't even leave me money for the phone bill..."
"Ok, well listen. I can't help you with anything until you give me a straight answer to this simple question. And realize that I'm not asking you so that I can turn around and judge you. But I'm not going to let you get away with a political BS answer here. Just answer the question straight up. Are you using or aren't you?"
Anyhow, back and forth we went for about 45 minutes. I figured that was the least I could do for this old friend of mine. He is man with a good heart who has been sadly overtaken by some pretty hardcore drugs. Its a horrible thing to see. In the past, I've prayed and cried with this man. We wrestled through some pretty serious life stuff together. And now, he is on the brink of destruction.
Eventually I had to bring the conversation to an end. "Listen my man. You know I love you. Thats why you called me, right?"
"Yeah, I didn't know who else to turn to."
"Well, I'm glad you called me. First off, you know that drugs really F*** your brain up right?"
"Uh-huh..."
"Well listen. Either you are living a real life version of the X-Files where everybody in the world is out to get you including your wife and kids, extended family, me, your friends, the FBI, and the police. OR. You have some serious issues around you that likely need attention but the drugs in your system are not allowing you to see them clearly. ... Do you get that? Thats whats happening here man. You gotta get away from that stuff."
There was silence on the phone.
He blurted out ... "No... there could be a third possibility... where um...maybe... Hey, I have to go. I'll try to call you later, k?" And then hung up on me.
Argh. I collapsed; my heart filled with sadness.
I hate that you can't help people who don't want to be.
Obviously, the real victims here are his wife, his kids, his family... It wasn't their choice to smoke or shoot up or sniff something. They are the pure victims. But my buddy is a victim too.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to make him out to be completely innocent or anything. I'm sure he made some stupid decisions along the way that got him where he is at now. But I've never walked a day in his shoes, ya know? And what I do know of his past isn't pleasant. And so somehow this friend of mine is a victim of some sort. A victim of life. Of pain. Of fears. Of himself. Of fate?
Bah. Sad stuff.
posted by Miroslav at 6:18 PM
8 Comments:
Saw him on Sunday...Marita almost ran to him and gave him a "hero's welcome home." Probably was.
He looked clear eyed and seemed to have a sincere smile as we both chatted it up with him.
We can all only do what we can do and you are doing a lot.
dm
We are talking of different men.
But the story of the one you are talking about is equally heartbreaking. With the friend you are referring to, at least we get to see some signs of recovery... this other guy that I talked to today is still way out there.
It sounds to me like he's not using, since he pees in a cup once a week.
Abberent behavior does not necessarily mean drug abuse. Especially if the individual is being monitored.
Mental illness is something I suspect many folks prefer not to consider. It is much easier to write behavior off to drug use that doesn't exist, than not.
Porta,
Good to see you stranger. (virtually that is...)
I am somewhat familiar with mental disorders. I agree with what you are saying in principle ... but this guy has had a past with drugs, has been on them recently and put in prison for it, and ... well, just trust me. He all but admitted it over the phone to me.
Miroslav said, "Just trust me."
Absolutely. You know him.
Miroslav said, "I agree with what you are saying in principle."
Let me build on that capital with a bit if interest:
A mild case of paranoid schizophrenia encroaching on a person's mind... First he's okay, then it starts, then it grows.
Persons with mental illness sometimes self-medicate with illicit drugs to escape the growing madness. It is not always a case of black or white, drugs or mental disease. The two can blend.
Mental health professionals who deal with street addicts often find mental illness underneath the drug abuse.
Yes, let us be aware that while some mental illness is biological in origin, like schizophrenia, some is behavioral, and, as such, falls more in the arena of human fault than of affliction from a source outside of free will.
Let us also be aware that there is a subculture of political paranoia which otherwise healthy persons embrace.
It varies in degree, but is fed by conspiracy theories which are fueled by political bigotry and hatred.
E.g., Some folks cannot but express Bush-hatred with each breath they take.
Under Clinton, it was the Vince Foster assassination. No, really: Hillary murdered him, and the Secret Service covered it up.
;)
Miroslav,
This is such a sad thing to hear about our friend. I've seen many members of my family use drugs and its a very sad thing to witness. It breaks my heart that "our friend" is doing the same thing to his life and hurting the ones who love him the most (his wife and kids). The sound of paranoia in his conversation to you sounds as though even if he isnt using at this moment which ever drug he used in the past has definetly left some permanent damage to his mental state. Let me know if you hear from him again. I will keep him in my prayers.
--FC
David,
Agreed on all accounts. In fact, I don't doubt that there could be some very real psychological conditions also at play with this friend of mine. But you cannot deal with any sort of mental issues if you don't have a clear understanding of where you stand on the drug thing. If you were to go in to a psych ward, one of the first things they would do would be to test and clear your body of any junk. Unless you do that, you can't differentiate between the person, the drugs, or the mental condition.
FC,
Welcome to my blog! Thank you for your input...
I will definately keep you up to date with any additional info on this friend.
The most difficult part about all of this is the absolute helplessness I feel watching it happen, ya know? I'm sure you've felt the same thing (even more so) as you've witnessed family members become overtaken by drug addictions.
There seems to be nothing we can do to help. ARGH. The police know. His family knows. ... and yet, he unfortunately has the ability to continue down this harmful path.
Very sad.
None of us really have it all together, do we? We are all harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.
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