Inescapable Burden

Wrote this little blurb on September 8th, 2005 during a really boring sales meeting and the day after a fairly good sized argument with my wife. Actually didn't even show her this until about three days later once we were all lovey-dovey again. (And thats sayin' something, because I share just about EVERYTHING with my wife.)

Re-reading this poem for the first time since then shows me just how far I've come in my thinking about God. There was definately a time when I depended on Him for everything and this writing reflects that fact. Even in the darkest hour and midst of my turmoil... I was clinging to hope, trusting that He was right there waiting if I could just stick with it a little longer... if my faith persisted a bit more, He would rescue me.

And now I find myself completely stuck in a "I-just-don't-know" phase. What a trip life is.

Inescapable Burden

A walk alone down an empty street.
The burden of thought haunts me.

Walking, running… faster, still faster
Yet my mind’s turmoil persists. It is relentless. It cannot be escaped.
All of these: Quieted, distracted, numbed, exhausted…
But never escaped.

Oh that I would be saved from this troubled state!
What is to be learned from the torturous limits of my understanding?
What am I to do as my foundational truths crumble before me?

Take me to a higher plane of understanding, my God! Rescue me!
Its not the answers that I seek… but restored faith in you.
Desperately, I search for what I’ve lost. I search for the rest and peace I’ve found in you in days gone by.

I am crushed, and lost, and my hope fades with each passing day.

And yet, I wait.

I am as a cripple, waiting for my caretaker.
Helpless, I call out for you…
I do not have the power to help myself.
I call and you do not answer. You are nowhere to be seen.

Though you be right before me, my eyes are sealed shut. They fail me.
Please God.. restore my vision of you.

I don’t need to understand all of your ways…
I am not so proud to imagine that my finite mind and body could comprehend the depths of your purposes.
But I need to know that you are.
I need to know I can trust you, my God.

Let me see that you are my creator; that you love me; that you guide my path.
Allow me to see your love dispite all of man’s betrayal and pain that surrounds me.

Keep the day from me when my heart loses hope! May it never be…
Rescue me, my God, for my heart cannot bear the weight of shattered dreams forever.