A letter arrived...

Is an email'd document ever called a letter? Or does it automatically become an email? Well... either way, I received this not too long ago. I read it, pondered it, and sent back a response. Thought it to be good blog material.

Read 'em both here!
Without further delay... here it is (slightly edited of course):

During the war, Lincoln overheard someone remark that he hoped "the Lord was on the Union's side." Lincoln responded with this sharp rebuke:
I am not at all concerned about that, for I know that the Lord is always on the side of the right. But it is my constant anxiety and prayer that I and this nation should be on the Lord's side.

Hello Dear Saints, Brothers and Sisters in the Family of God!

Our hearts have been lately stirred up for you all, feeling for you the anguish of misunderstandings, persecutions, and trials you have each had to endure (or watch your loved ones endure).

Our hope and prayer for you during this tough time is multi-fold: that your hearts would rise above any trivialities, that your minds would be delivered from any erroneous lines of thought, that you would be given hearts of compassion and grace, that you would feel deep and unmistakably-given-by-the-Lord LOVE for those who hurt you, that you would be endowed with wisdom to know the right ways to act and react, and that you would seek not for the Lord to be on your side - but to be on the side of our Lord.

The way *Miroslav's father* is being treated currently by many NHers - this has brought so much back my mind of what we went through when we left NH. Now we suffered a mild case of the NH Blues, compared to the sufferings others have experienced for years and years before us and compared with what *Miroslav's father* and family are currently suffering. NH has a long, long history - back into the 1970’s with the Local Church, as far as we know, maybe farther back? -- of painting people who disagreed with leadership on one issue or another (or those who left the church) with The Ugly Brush - making them appear to have had “problems with authority,” or like they have walked away from the Lord, or worse.

Understandably, many of you ex-NHers are in an uproar over the way *Miroslav's father* has been cut off. Obviously, his situation is much more black-and-white than ours was and it seems he will go down in the books as one of the all-time “biggies” in NH History. However, we know that it is easy to miss the forest for the trees. Our fear is that the current “trees” of this situation (lies being told about him, an unreasonable excommunication, dirt you recently heard about actions or words of so-and-so or what’s-his-name, and whatever sufferings you are personally experiencing) will keep you from seeing what we see as at least one big portion of The Forest -- a rigid ideology stemming from the Local Church, full of isolationism, exclusivism, and the thought that it is good and right to cut off those who are acting in a way you deem as wrong.

This part of the Forest is a must-see. You must see it, first so that you can realize what part you have taken in it….if you can see this, you will be filled with grace and forgiveness for those hurting you right now. He who has been forgiven much loves much! He who knows how easy it is to be caught in a dangerous way of thinking can have mercy on others caught in that way. My hope is that you will be given a heart of compassion for those that are still bearing the yoke of misguided “social” theology. Some of our brothers and sisters at NH have been taught erroneous ways of dealing with differences of opinion, mistakes, and even outright sin. Just as I myself could see more and more clearly the farther I got from NH, I feel sadly for the dear folks whose eyes are clouded with misguided information and advice. I am sure you can also attest to the clearer thinking that distance brings.

The other important reason not to miss this part of the forest for the trees is so that you may guard yourself from taking this ideology with you. It would be so easy right now to hang on tightly to this dangerous way of treating other believers by simply turning it around back on those still at NH - painting anyone who is thinking wrongly with that same old Ugly Brush, making people who are wrong (or have been misinformed) out to be the bad guys instead of seeing them as fellow believers who are wrong and misguided.

Abraham Lincoln once suggested that the important question was not who’s side God was on, but who would be on God’s side. May you each personally fight to be as fully on His side in all things possible. Certainly, each of you will have different issues of right and wrong to which the Lord has quickened your heart; these are battles you must face in the human realm. Yet you mustn’t fight only battles of men, for they matter not in the end. You must realize that some of the men on the other side of your battle line - even if you are convinced they are in the wrong - are still on the Lord’s side. Don’t allow the old ways of thinking to give you an excuse to treat your Christian brothers and sisters badly, even if they have done this very thing to you.

The grace of God works mightily through us even when we are misguided, wrong, and yes, even sinful. Although sometimes the consequences fit the crime, other times it rains on the righteous and the unrighteous. God doesn’t ask us to figure it all out, but he does ask us to react certain ways. I pray that as you stand up for truth you will still be a person who is loving, kind, humble, gentle, patient, forgiving, with a heart of compassion (Colossians 3:8-14)

I just hope and pray that the group of ex-NHers that is currently feeling the pain for the mistreatment *Miroslav's father* and his family are undergoing - that they will be given gracious hearts, hearts that can remember they were not-so-long-ago caught under the same spell, hearts full of love and compassion and patience!

Love, Anonymous

I responded with this:

Anonymous,

As I read this letter, a couple of things jumped out at me...

1) Promptly after Lincoln made the quote that you've referenced, he did his best to help the Union go out and KILL those who disagreed with them, the confederates. Though his very real "anxiety and prayer" to God was something with which he wrestled, he was also forced in to action here in the realm of flesh and blood by his convictions and the actions of others. In light of these things, I believe Lincoln's quote speaks much more to how we interact with God than how we interact with one another. In other words, the man who hopes the Lord [is on their] side" hopes in error... he should instead hope, and pray that he finds the Lord's side. That is an internal struggle.

2) Another quote came to mind from something I had read that suggested a human tendency to over-correct after a mistake has been made. For the life of me, I can't remember who wrote it or where I read it... but I'll try to paraphrase here with a warning that I may butcher the specific wording (if anybody recognizes the quote, please chime in!): "History has shown us again and again that mankind will in deed fall off the horse of reason from time to time. The most disconcerting thing about it, however, is not simply that we fall off the horse to the left, but that we get promptly get right back on the horse only to fall off to the RIGHT!" ... I bring that up in response to this letter because it seems to me that we fell off the horse to the left in mistakes in allowing the cult like mentality at NH ("isolationism and exclusivism") and I would suggest you are falling off the right with your suggestion that cutting off intimate fellowship with specific people for specific reasons equates to using the "same old Ugly Brush." For though I do not deny that it is possible to fall in to the same trap of arrogant spirituality that caused us to fall to the left and that we must in fact be alert against such a mistake, we are not doomed to repeat our past if we remain guarded against doing so. Furthermore, we must not allow our past mistakes to prevent us from making intelligent decisions in the future. Otherwise, we will make the same mistakes that we witness occurring in our country today... where a very real history of racism leads to ridiculous political correctness, a history of sexism leads to leaving our boys behind in the educational system, a history of classism leads taxing the hard working to give to the lazy, and past failures by way of heartless nationalism leads to unenforcable borders. My point being, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater... thats what I think you are doing here.

Your letter encourages empathy, love, and patience... reminding those that have left the church to remember that the mistakes being made by those still there are done without malice. You also encourage those that left to remember there own shortcomings and to act, therefore, with humility. All of the admonitions listed above are heart issues. Just as Lincoln's conscience sought to find the Lord's will for his life with fear and trembling, so too should those who have left pursue our course of action if they are to be in line with the Bible. Anybody who would ignore such advice is certainly making a horrendous mistake.

I think you go too far, however, in suggesting that it is always unethical or un-Biblical to "cut off those who are acting in a way you deem as wrong." If you are willing to make that broad of a statement, I think a believer will lose the power of their own conviction to stand against what they believe to be wrong. It is here that reason and the conscience of each individual is to be honored and valued else both are at risk of being lost. Of course, we have seen the opposite to pose an equal threat to an individual believer's own convictions. When people are coerced and manipulated, whether socially or in the name of authority, to abandon their own heart felt convictions, they are left as pawns fighting the coercer's or manipulator's war of consious.
Too vague? Let me try to bring it to a point...

The Bible clearly says that the church should not divide itself because of "doubtful disputations." And by context we find that the verse is referring to issues of the faith such as diet and tradition. The Bible also outlines times that demand nothing less than formal church discipline (and said discipline does include commandments to "not break bread" with those under discipline). That which is found in the middle of these two clear commandments is the gray area that we are left to navigate ourselves.

It is my believe that some measure of each of the above-referenced commandments be followed commenserate with the level of conviction we have concerning disagreements between one another. To give some examples:

Example One:
I find it completely reasonable to share friendship and intimate vulnerable conversation with somebody who does not share the same beliefs as I do concerning predestination. On the other hand, I would be more guarded about my heart's vulnerable issues with somebody who held the belief that all men on the earth had it within them to
become gods, even if this person claimed to be a Christian.
Another friend of mine may not draw the line in the same place, choosing to open his heart to both men. But I am no more or less expressing love, patience, or any good virtue by my decision to keep this person at arms length.
Example Two:
I have a friend who will often times come across too strongly in conversation. They are argumentative at the drop of a hat and seem unwilling to back down from a fight even when they are convinced they are wrong. With that said, I also find many other redeeming qualities in our relationship that outweigh these things and so I choose to put my whole heart on the line in our interactions with one another.
Another friend of mine is as mellow mannered as they come. They have hardly anything to say when we talk and always seem agreeable to just about anything. But I have also learned over time that this person is quite different when I'm not arround. Behind my back, they speak poorly of me and mock me. I've confronted the person on the issue, but there has been no change over the years. Unfortunately, this person is family... so I don't even have the option to completely steer clear of them. If I had that liberty, I would probably excercise it! Instead, since we are forced to see one another at family functions and such, I do my best to keep from saying much of anything of substance around the person.
My uncle has had the exact same experience with both the argumentative person and the back-stabbing person, yet he chooses to avoid conversation with the former, while continuing on in vulnerable relationship with the later. My decision to distance myself from the back-stabber does not make me any less empathetic or caring. Our battlines of conscience (mine and my uncles) are simply drawn in different places.

As a seperate point, I believe that your letter does not reflect the empathy that is suggested to be a key failure of those who feel differently on the subject. I think it is far too easy to criticize those who have been deeply betrayed and wounded from afar. Perhaps a stroll in their shoes would reveal a new level of understanding. And please, think earnestly here...

What would you have to say to the Two-Faced Man who held your spouse as "marked", publicly called him/her dangerous, and warned others to stear clear of him/her? What to say to him after all had been said on the subject and all arguments had been fleshed out to their bitter end finding nothing but differing stances on the issue? Would you so readily embrace him and call him friend? Would you be readily available to share a warm hug and "How do you do?" I do not think you would, nor should.
But neither would I think that your decision would necessarily reflect that you were being unloving, unempathetic, or painting him with the Ugly Brush. Certainly it could be all or some of those things... but who can see another's heart? Can't you love this Two-Faced Man, empathize with him, and hope all good things for him (even following Colossians 3:8-14) ... all while being unwilling to entertain him as casual company? I say YES.
I believe it to be very healthy to say to somebody, "Friend, I love you and we have enjoyed some good years of friendship... but for now, this issue drives too far a wedge between us to ignore. Lets just put it all on the table and identify what it is. Maybe sometime down the road one of us will come to another conclusion on the issue, but for now... I simply cannot be close without pretending... and I'm not willing to do that with this matter."

To summarize, I would suggest that refusing intimate friendship with one whom you have strong disagreements with and/or one who knowingly continues to hurt you (even if well-intentioned)... can be done with a heart that is still faithful to the commands in Scripture.

Additionally, I believe not doing drawing such lines can be irresponsible to your own personal well-being. Specifically (besides the obvious risk of pain that you open yourself up to), failing to do so risks sacrificing your convictions, can destroys the concept of good and honest friendship, and betrays your consious. It must take the opportunity here to say that I also believe being pursuaded to withdraw from a relationship apart from your own convictions, whether the pursuasion come from social influence or church authority, is equally dangerous for all of the same reasons.

With all of that said, and as passionately as I believe it to be a balanced and true approach...

As much as it may bother me from time to time, I must also allow others to follow their concsious on these issues even when they differ from mine, including family and loved ones! My wife may choose to ignore some issues to me that are non-negotiables. My uncle may cut his conversations short with people I choose to embrace fully. But, while not avoiding discussion about it, we must find room to allow one another to follow our convictions or risk destroying our individual ability to reason for ourselves.

Much luv, Miroslav