The trouble with me... and them.
Why do some Christians feel that way about me? Well, I can't say for sure, but I just finished Os Guinness' book, "Unspeakable: Facing Up To Evil In An Age of Genocide and Terror"... and he had a great comment that I think speaks to the issue.
Because of their faith in Jesus...
"Christians do not say to God, "I do not understand you at all, but I trust you anyway." That would be suicidal. Rather, they say, "Father, I do not understand you, but I trust you" -- or more accurately, "I do not understand you in this situation, but I understand why I trust you anyway."
Now THAT makes sense, does it not?! And isn't a great thing to rest in uncertaintity when you have unshakeable faith that the Great One Behind It All is good and kind and pure and just?
But what happens when the "evidence" of life begins to mount suggesting that the one you have placed your faith in is not so good. No, that does not quite capture my point here (for couldn't it be that God's definition of good is happens to be unfathomable by my puny brain?). So, let me try again...
What happens when the "evidence" of life begins to mount suggesting that what I would call good ... He does not? What happens when after studying the Scriptures, the very definitions of sin, grace, mercy, and purpose come in to question, and I'm left unable to even grasp what the message of Jesus IS? What happens when I begin to realize that I cannot logically put my "trust" in the God of the Bible because our definitions of what is good, noble, and true are apparently so different from one another? It would by hypocrisy to say that I trust in Him at that point! (getting deeper and deeper here, better stop)...
It is at this point that Os Guinneses concludes that it would be "suicidal" claim to that type of faith. And it is where I find myself now. (don't get all worried and call the NorSac counseling hotline, I'm not saying I'm suicidal... I'm pointing to the fact that I must either "kill" my intellectual and rational self, or allow the faith that I've held for so long to "die").
And so ultimately, the trouble with ME is that I cannot say I believe the story of Jesus because the "evidence" of life and study of Scripture (particularly the study of God's awesome power and sovereignty) has so troubled my definitions that the very nature of the gospel message is blurry to me. THAT is my problem.
And THEM? Well, their problem is that they just don't understand my problem.
Lord help us all.
posted by Miroslav at 8:43 PM
7 Comments:
Me again!
I want to clarify that I'm not the one who will address your struggle of disbelief in a loving God or that He's given us a message of truth in the Bible...I'll let others tackle those philosophical issues. However, from my perspective of unwavering faith in a God who created us, loves us and has a beautiful plan for our lives in spite of the fact that we're proud sinners who resist Him at every turn, I want to challenge your doubts by the evidence I've encountered in my experience.
When I get discouraged by the evidences of sin in my world, I remember what God has promised...One day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, those of all nations will surround the throne of God in worship and adoration, Satan is a defeated foe, Jesus personally will wipe away every tear from our face, and my hope for today is that Jesus is the Victor!
There's a verse that states "now we see through a glass darkly but then we'll see Him face to face". I believe that hints at the fact that we will have cloudy days...when we question what God's doing, things won't make sense to us. But we can believe that when we see Him the puzzle pieces will all fit together. In the meantime, we can trust His character that He's good, kind, faithful and true.
Returning to the story of Corrie Ten Boom (a Christian who suffered in a concentration camp for harboring Jews during the Nazi Regime)...Her sister Betsy, who died in the camps, encouraged many that God is the architect of our lives and that part of His blueprint for each of them was 'Ravensbruck', the concentration camp. Why the suffering? Some discovered part of the reason... like Corrie, who survived and through her testimony and books was able to lead many souls to trust in her Savior.
No...I don't believe our finite minds and hearts can truly grasp the depth of God's love for us nor the depth of our sinful natures, but when we surrender our lives to obey His commands to "love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, with ALL your mind and with ALL your strength" and "love your neighbor as yourself", He empowers us to humbly accept His Word as truth.
We can't truly understand one another's wrestlings with our Creator God but we can pray for one another as we walk this journey. My prayer for you is that you won't base your responses to God on the human failings of sinful men (and women), but interact with Him personally about your heartaches and doubts (not to suggest that you haven't done this). Keep the communication open, my experience testifies that at the right time He will answer you when you seek Him with all your heart.
You need to write and define three things:
1. What was and is now your definition of the Gospel?
2. What is this "evidence" of life that convinces you that God is not good?
3. What study of Scripture confuses your definition of God and the Gospel?
Aaron,
Great idea. Will do. I will do a new blog sometime in the near future answering those exact questions.
Curly,
All of your thoughts and encouragements are apprecited... thank you!
I have to point you again to what my faith struggle is rooted in. It is NOT rooted in other people's failures, or my own. It is not rooted in disappointment with pain in the world. Instead... :
"The trouble with ME is that I cannot say I believe the story of Jesus because the "evidence" of life and study of Scripture (particularly the study of God's awesome power and sovereignty) has so troubled my definitions that the very nature of the gospel message is blurry to me. THAT is my problem."
One thing that strikes me in all of your writing is, as you put it, "unwavering faith in a God who created us, loves us and has a beautiful plan for our lives..." I do find the first two parts of that statement to be supported by scripture (our creation and God's love), but the third I'm not so sure (a "beautiful plan" for our lives). And is my misgivings about the third point that cause me to doubt that the first two points can be logically true, let alone worthy of "faith."
Allow me to explain. The idea of a "beautiful plan for our lives" is a great and comforting thought. But the Bible outlines that the beautiful plan part actually applies to a few while the rest head down the more common path of unbelief and subsequent eternal damnation, which is the PURPOSED PLAN FOR THEIR LIFE!(Romans 9) For the unbeliever, their fate is just as secure as the salvation of the elect. And what determines which path you will travel? Your faith of course! But, where does the Bible tell us that saving faith comes from? It is a gift of God and a result of His mercy, right? All of a sudden you have a God who is calling the shots on everything, and our "Free Will" is reduced to a product of His willingness to grant us mercy or grace. But somehow, we are told we will be punished for not having that faith which is impossible for us to receive apart from His choosing.
It seems to me like the burdon of responsbility should lay on God HImself, shouldn't it?
And THAT is where I scratch my head and say, "I don't know."
One final response to this issue of God's sovereignty versus man's free will as related to the idea that God has a wonderful plan for our lives. I just accept that God has chosen me (His drawing me to Himself since my youth and evidence of His touch on my life in spite of my sinfulness and unworthiness convinces my heart of this). However, I also believe that my daily choices (my free will) impact the direction of my life. I don't understand how His sovereignty and my free will all work together but by faith I accept His love and His Word as truth.
The wonderful plan I spoke of may not be what we'd expect but ultimately I believe that "all things work together for those who love God and are chosen according to His purpose". There are many examples in the Bible of those whose lives reflected sadness and struggles, yet in the end goodness prevailed as they trusted in their God not their circumstances. Abraham, Joseph, Job, Daniel, and Paul are just a few of those whose lives reflect the goodness and faithfulness of God. I think you're right in one of your comments where you suggested that maybe the problem is that your idea and God's idea of goodness differ. He has reminded us that "God's ways are high above our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts". I humbly accept that fact!
Curly,
You wrote:
"I humbly accept that fact!"
And I love and respect you for it! :) If I could also find a way to accept it, I would gladly do so... but for now, the appearance of incongruity between the two lines of logic seem to keep me from a firm faith.
Miroslav,
Just a thought to help you define better your faith-search:
You write here that:
"Curly,
...If I could also find a way to accept it, I would gladly do so... but for now, the appearance of incongruity between the two lines of logic seem to keep me from a firm faith."
and yet you also write this:
"I have to point you again to what my faith struggle is rooted in. It is NOT rooted in other people's failures, or my own. It is not rooted in disappointment with pain in the world. Instead... :
"The trouble with ME is that I cannot say I believe the story of Jesus because the "evidence" of life and study of Scripture (particularly the study of God's awesome power and sovereignty) has so troubled my definitions that the very nature of the gospel message is blurry to me. THAT is my problem.""
and then in 'INESCAPABLE BURDEN':
"Take me to a higher plane of understanding, my God! Rescue me!
Its not the answers that I seek… but restored faith in you.
"
and
"I don’t need to understand all of your ways…
I am not so proud to imagine that my finite mind and body could comprehend the depths of your purposes.
But I need to know that you are.
I need to know I can trust you, my God.
Let me see that you are my creator; that you love me; that you guide my path.
Allow me to see your love despite all of man’s betrayal and pain that surrounds me.
"
My friend (and nephew), I gotta say...I'm confused again as to what you're looking for. With a BIG smile on my face, I find myself asking you:
"Wait...what's your beef again, exactly?"
I do want you to be able to articulate the QUESTION that you NEED an answer to. And maybe you already have but I find myself getting lost in understanding what will "FLOAT YER BOAT"
As for me, I NEED to have answers (or reasons) in order to have faith:
1 Peter 3
15...Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect...
GOSH!
Napolean Dynamite
(Samuel's Daddy)
Samuel's Daddy,
yes... it is quite confusing.
If I had to boil it all down to a 2-second-version, it would go something like this: About four years ago I began having questions about my faith. Then, about three months ago I realized that my faith was gone. I didn't throw my hands up in disgust with God. I didn't get angry with him and choose to walk away. And I didn't choose to rebel. I was in the middle of wrestling with life's issues (Seemingly contradictory Biblical truths, hurt and pain in the world, and the absence of justice), which was not anything too uncommon for me. I've ALWAYS wrestled with these types of heavy things. But somehow slowly, and all of a sudden, I realized that my faith was no longer there. Yes, thats a confusing statement... but thats just how it happened! Just as mysterious as the faith of a convert is. Slowly, and all of a sudden. I realized that this season of life was different than any I had ever been in. It wasn't the first time I had faced difficult times or been wrestling with questions that my intellect could not answer... but for the first time, the underlying faith that in the past carried me through... was gone.
Anyhow, thats just an effort to try to clarify where I've come from. To address your question about "what would float my boat"... I would direct you to my blogged conversation with Mr.Pastor where he asked me a similar question. You can read the full entry there if you like; it is entitled "Comforting Words." A two second version of THAT post is that I can point to a miriad of intellectual and moral difficulties I have with the God of the Bible, but I understand that I cannot reasonably demand taht I understand all of His ways... nor can I say that because I don't understand Him that He doesn't exist. Instead, I believe that my only hope for a re-established faith is for God to reveal Himself to me in a way that is undeniable in my heart. I'm not asking for a fireball in the sky or for some sort of crazy miracle. Its more like... well (get ready to be confused)... you are asking what would restore my faith and I would answer, "A restored faith."
Post a Comment
<< Home