I have a sick sense of humor.

See?

Crossing my fingers...

How would you like to be a tax guy? I thought insurance was a tough business, but man... when I think about it... tax work has got to be worse.

Tonight I meet with my tax advisor. Not too excited about it. Ever since I've gone in to business for myself, tax time has a whole new feel to it compared to when I was an W-2 Employee. Gone are the days of nice little mysterious tax refund checks. Nowadays I nearly break in to tears after I finish my annual tax appointment.

On a lighter note, Janice and I are going to start playing Volleyball together every Wednesday (starting tonight) at an open gym event held by a local church. They say there is a good number of people that play and that it is pretty competative. We are psyched. Back in the 'good ol' days' we used to play Volleyball together every summer. Looking forward to doing something fun together besides raising kids, sneaking out for a movie, or going out to eat... Can't wait! (but I am a bit nervous about getting embarassed out on the court. Its been years since I've played!)

MJB, MJB... what have you done?

My father tried. In-laws tried. An old friend of a million years tried. None succeeded. And then MJB, under the guise of a guys night out, did it.

Miroslav = the newest fan of 24.

I have some serious catching up to do.

Tonight's Offering

Ok... I stayed awake an extra fifteen minutes tonight since I promised myself I would start writing this stuff down instead of letting it ramble about in my head (see #3 here). Without further ado, here is the poem that was in my head when I laid down to sleep this evening.

The Opposite of Attraction

They call me Judas ...
And Satan's servant.
What shall I say to that?

In a time of pain ...
A time of confusion.
Is it supposed to help?

I want to write it off ...
Perhaps to zeolatry.
But what about whats written in 1 Timothy?

What if all this pain we see ...
The chaos and insanity
Is in fact Reality?

The answer to these questions?
I shall stick to what I know ...
And by that I mean I don't.

Straight Talk

Second sermon in a row that I've been really impressed with from The Axeman, the pastor of our church. Both sermons ventured into difficult territory ... and avoided overlysimplistic answers. I absolutely love genuine, straight talk from the pulpit. I absolutely HATE double-talk or blah-blah-blah disengenous garbage. The sermon several weeks ago was on forgiveness, today's was on the subject of modern day signs from the Holy Spirit (speaking in tongues, prophecy, etc).

The Axeman's approach to building a church is a total about face from the church I used to be a part of. On today's topic for instance, after reviewing some verses from the Bible, The Axeman gave his opinion on the subject of spiritual giftings, but made specific efforts to keep from saying that his interpretation was the only way of interpreting things or that his way was absolutely the right way. Its nice to hear a genuine, passionate, and compelling sermon that still leaves you room to work through things yourself.

Props to you Axeman!

Memories from the 80's

Props to Eric Sweiven's Blog ... great find:

Instant 80's Memories

Getting around to it

Sheesh. Almost a whole WEEK with no posts. I suck.

Sorry. Here is my make up effort.

So you have something to say now?1) You simply cannot get more bang for your buck (when it comes to the grease department) than '2 Tacos for $1' and a side order of Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges at Jack In The Box. $3.32 worth of pure goodness. *drool* The bad news is that I have one just one block away from my new office. This discovery may not bode well for my weight loss effort.


2) There are some really stupid people in this world of ours. What else explains this warning that I read while pumping GASOLINE in to my G35 recently?

** "Never Siphon by Mouth." ** ... ??!!!!

3) I have this horrible new habit of working on poems when I don't have the ability to write them down. I'll be kickin' it in the bath, or laying in bed, or on hold on the phone and I will start working my way through a thought that I want to turn in to a poem. Each time I get some really good stuff and swear that there is no way that I could forget such a deeply meaninful phrase or thought... but of course, in the end, I do. Then I feel like I've wasted my creative juices and any ambition to sit down and write stuff is gone. BAH. Gotta' stop that. And I gotta' blog more often.

4) Medium length story of an event that was a lot funnier than I will be able to communicate here, but who cares... I'm telling the story anyways:

So... a while back, Janice and I were treated to a trip to Napa by my District Manager for hitting some sales goals. Joining us on the trip was a friend of mine(another insurance agent) whom I shall call Kingsley (for his short stature and um, baldness) and his wife. Kingsley and I have just started getting to know one another over the past year or so and we tend to gravitate towards one another at all the company events. On this trip we found ourselves in the beautiful wine country that is the Napa Valley. Funny thing ... as we talked, we discovered that neither Kingsley or myself, or our wives, cared for wine. As a matter of fact, we all hated it! But with that said, we were all still very much looking forward to cashing in on a coupon for a "Complimentary bottle of wine" from XYZ local vinyard that was given to us upon checking in to our hotel.

Kingsley had a map of the area and took great pride in letting us all know that he had located the winery on the map. We jumped in my car and headed out. As we got closer, he spoke up, "Here! Here! Turn in to this driveway..." ... I followed his instructions as he was the navigator, but something about our destination looked odd. Why did this winery have a dirt road for an entrance? And why were there ZERO cars in its small parking lot? We figured that they were simply a smaller establishment and that their lack of customers was part of the reason they were giving away bottles of wine... and with that idea in mind, we headed in.

Being the only people in the place, we were spotted right away by the sales person who invited us to take a look around. Kingsley and his wife started looking at each of the bottles of wine displayed with "MmmHmmmm"s and "AhhhHaaa"s acting as though they knew about what they were looking at, or were at least INTERESTED. My wife stayed near the entrance and also tried to make herself look occupied. It dawned on me that all of us felt a bit awkward walking in to this winery having no interest in their product beyond the FREE bottle we had been promised. Plus, who likes using coupons? I hate it. I always feel like such a cheapskate when I go to present it, ya know? Even when I PAY for the coupon with those Entertainment Books I always feel a bit awkward.

So... in an effort to cut to the chase and free my friends from having to pretend to be interested in the wine, I blurted out, "Well... I'll just come out and say it. We've come for the free bottle of wine!" ... I proudly (as best as I could fake it) pulled the coupon from my pocket and slammed it on the counter, shoving it towards the salesperson with a big fake smile on my face. "Hmmm...." she said as she picked up the coupon to study it more carefully.

It was at this point that I got that nauseous feeling in my stomach. Have you ever presented a coupon only to hear that it isn't valid on the sixth Thursday following an eclipse or something stupid like that...? That dang fine print will kill you. Yeah, well... thats what this was feeling like, but worse.

"I am sorry to tell you sir, but this coupon is not for our winery."

It was then that I heard the words in my head, "Kingsley must die."

Out of my mouth... "Uh huh. Well then.... that is a bit embarassing isn't it? ... Um... I guess I should thank my NAVIGATOR at this point for leading us here and um... " I turned around to find a look of utter shock and embarassment on everybody else's face too, so at least I didn't feel alone. But I was the lead guy, so I think it hurt a little worse.

Anyhow, the salesperson was nice enough about it... even gave each of us a free sampling. Being that we all HATE wine, were not too happy about drinking the stuff, but at that point we had to grin and bare it just to try to save face. We ended up buying two bottles each. It was a charity purchase. Bah. And all of this was BEFORE we started drinking.

Lesson learned: don't let Kingsley navigate.

Gotta post this.

Ok, I have like a million things that I want to post, but I've been busy and sick and lazy and just BLAH lately. ... but there is something that just can't wait.

My older brother is engaged! He asked his fiance to marry him on St. Patrick's Day (the day that they met several years ago). On Wednesday night my wife and I joined my bro and his fiance and my dad and step-mom for a night on the town to celebrate and we got the scoop on how it all went down. What a stud my brother was when he proposed! He did it up right! Got a nice ring, asked his future father-in-law ahead of time, and got down on his knees and everything!

Anyhow, we are all totally psyched for him and his bride-to-be. She is an awesome woman and they seem to be a great fit for one another.

Here is to you broham! Much love...

Mr. Mom's List

1) Diapers ... CHECK!
2) Snacks ... CHECK!
3) Juice ... CHECK!
4) Make sure my 3yr old boy is not filling his mouth and spitting juice on to the floor of electronics superstore ... OOPS. (Missed that one.)

Ah, the joys of parenting.

Tear-jerker Alert

Don't say I didn't warn you!


Confused? See previous posts #1 and #2.

Pastor Miroslav

Three times now entries from my blog have been either quoted or referenced from a pulpit! Believe THAT!

(oddly enough, Janice and I have noticed an interesting thing... it is quite remarkable to find that my faith struggles seem to have encouraged people in their faith in a very real way. also, despite my being very up front about my lack of faith, I have had numerous opportunities to encourage other people in their life struggles... cool, yeah?)

ill with confusion

(wrote this on the airplane ride home from D.C. ... just got around to posting it now)

During the past several years, my awareness of the pains of life (primarily that experienced by others) have sunk so deep in to my heart that they seem to have destroyed any sort of practical or tangible faith in a good and loving God. Gone too is my trust in mankind (myself included).

Read more about my sick mind here.Today I spent nearly three hours exploring the Holocaust Monument in Washington, D.C. It was horribly painful. Some of the things I saw and read made my knees weak. And more than once I felt sick to my stomach. Such terrible and evil things were done to so many people. On the third floor I spent some time in a portion of the Monument dedicated to educating people about the current genocide occurring in Darfur.

As I left the building, I remembered that last night I watched the CNN reports of the young gal who was raped, murdered, and left mummified by tape and plastic. Who could do such a thing?

Then I thought of all the pains of my friends and loved ones. I pondered their deep disappointments and the tragic turns that life forces upon each of us from time to time. I thought of a friend who was molested by her grandfather. Of another who watched her father's mind and body destroyed by a drug addiction.

One cannot ignore the very real and obvious Evil that exists in our world. But what do I make of it? What do I make of Hitler's infamous writings, "My Struggle" ? I heard several times at the conference, "Children must be taught to hate.", which I agree with completely. But Wasn't Hitler an innocent child at one time also? What was it that happened to him that shaped him in to the man he became? How about the rapist and murderers in the world or the drug addicts? Yes, like many, part of me leaps quickly to condemn the actions of these people... but perhaps they too are victims of something far darker than anything we can understand. Or perhaps they are victims of Life. Or perhaps Life, and everything we know about it, is in fact Death... or at least a painful, slow, unavoidable Death march.

I find myself bouncing back and forth between four paradigms that stand in stark contrast to one another (two Christian and two secular).

My Reformed mindset tells me that every man should live according to his heart's convictions and understand that God will sort it all out both in the here and now and in eternity. In some ways its almost a medieval sort of thinking. There is Good. There is Evil. And there is a lot less FreeWill than what we might otherwise think. Knights and Noble Kings are born. So are Drunkards, Rapists and Torturers. I wish I could leave my mind here. I really do. But it is collapsed when I see Jesus command people to repent. What a cruel commandment if it is neither in their power or their destiny. Or perhaps cruel is not the best word. Maybe it is in fact Love. But not the sort of love that I can even remotely relate to. Its the sort of Love that is only called such a thing because, "who are you, O man, to talk back to God?"

My North American Evangelical Christian perspective tells me that all can be saved. "Raise your voice and your hand and come to the front. Believe and you will be saved. God loves YOU." Those that believe and confess... they are in. Those that "harden their hearts" or "reject Christ"... they are out. But what of those that don't hear to begin with? What of those who the Bible tells us had their hearts hardened by God? What to do with the clear teachings regarding predestination? How does one even believe in Christ to begin with? "Believe in your heart and confess with your mouth", right? But the Bible tells us clearly that faith itself is a gift! So in the end, we are judged for all eternity by what God chooses to give us (or not). And all this, we are told, is a love like a father has for his children.
"HUH?" says Miroslav.

And so, I turn to my own understanding. I try to make judgment calls on all the issues of life. I create my own moral compass. I find meaning and purpose where I can. The World According to Miroslav, as it were.

But my post-modern thought eats at me with vicious questions. Questions with disturbing answers. Can I judge Hitler to be any more of a criminal than some of the Jewish leaders of the Old Testament who followed the voice of God? Didn't they too take the battlefield with instructions to annihilate entire people groups? And what about the good old USA? Our country rests on the grave of its original owners. How can I justify a moral code that is based on nothing other than the whims of my own heart and mind? It sounds good until we are on the brink of WWIII and some absolutes must be formed. Its not difficult to live in the good old air-conditioned USA and talk about peace, love, and prosperity for all men. But this sort of approach leaves me feeling very uncomfortable when I consider the complex issues of life like sexuality. How do I train up my children with no standard other than what I feel is acceptable? And there is really no power in my convictions when they are not subject to anything higher than myself. And so I feel helpless to reckon with the conflicting desires in my heart, or the man down the street who is a know child molester, or the nutcase in Iran who wants to nuke the Jews.

I'm left with the only answer I can say with any confidence today, "I don't know."But I don't know how to live this way! Sometimes I feel like I'm on the brink of insanity. And I don't say that casually. The things that I find to be most reliable in life are desire, medication, and pain. And of those I don't trust the first and don't like the second or third. Peace and happiness to me are torturously fleeting in light of the horror of Life.

Oh that I could believe in Christ ...

A peek.

A peek in to radical Islam.

And what's with calling it apartheid? I've heard several protestors of the state of Israel bring it up. Doesn't seem to fit at all to me.

So much to say, so little time.

Life has been going at a crazy speed for the past seven days or so. I have at least two more entries to throw up here regarding my D.C. trip and one entry not related. Just gotta' find some time. Maybe later tonight.

Trip to D.C. - Photos - Tuesday

A very exciting and enjoyable day today. We heard Vice President Dick Cheney in the morning session, listened to Diane Feinstein in early afternoon, and then had a private lobbying session with Congresswoman Matsui. I have never been one to enjoy politics AT ALL... but this was a really eye-opening experience.

Read a little more and see a couple of pics!So yeah... the day started out like all of the other days here: me in a half-asleep zombie like state due to poor sleep. :( When I got to the conference center to meet up with the rest of the group, it was obvious that security was a lot tighter than normal. Lines for days. I finally got in and thankfully my dad had saved me a seat. Before long, Vice President Cheney came out and was greeted by a moving standing ovation by the audience. It was pretty neat and I think that it even caught Cheney by surprise. After several minutes went by and after everybody sat down, a wide smile spread across Cheney's face and he said, "Well. You all just made my day!" It was a very neat thing. He gave a fairly dry speech, but it was still a cool experience to be participating in an event with one of the most powerful men in the world.


The view from our seats. VP Cheney at the mic.



En route to the meeting with the Congresswoman we pause for a photo-op.



After our meeting with the Congresswoman we did some walking around the city. On the steps of the capital building (where we will be touring tomorrow am), we found this large group of Hispanic people protesting a immigration reform bill which I heard through the grapevine would make it a crime to harbor illegal immigrants (I was unable to find any info online). Anybody else have any info on this? I asked some protesters but the first three I asked didn't speak English and the one that did had no details.



We ended up walking a couple of miles back to the hotel... just enjoyed the sights and sounds of this amazing city. When I got back to the hotel, I desperately wanted to sleep. I tried to for a couple of hours, but ultimately gave up and headed out for some grub. More steamed buns. Yum.

Trip to D.C. - Photo and Audio - Monday

Here are some pics of the conference center where our meetings are being held. Tonight was the gala dinner event. We were greeted by a handful of protesters. Some non-Jewish protesters held signs referring the "Jewish Apartheid" and "The Occupation of Palestine". Another small group was from the Hassidim... apparently there is a small portion of them that oppose any Jewish state that comes before the Messiah.

See and hear... here!

Tomorrow we head to the House and Senate to have lobbying sessions with our representatives. I've never done that before so it should be interesting.

 

Trip to D.C. - Photo Entry - Sat & Sun

A photo filled report.

Lets see them pics!

Day 1 - Saturday, March 4th

I've heard that waking up this early can be hazardous to your health.

I've also heard that it can cause you to become delusional...

He is no Marilyn Monroe, but he was kind enought to take us to the airport.

On our way out of the house I saw a curious stack of books:

"Night" by Elie Weisel on the one side ... "Life is So Good" on the other...
and the magazine "People" in between.

...

I don't know about you, but I just can't walk by the Cinnabon in the airport without buying something. Especially at five-freakin-a-m.

And here we are... me after my health food and some other guy after what must have been a really big cup of coffee.

"I walk a lonely road ..."

Ok. I lied.

After both flights were delayed by late employees (yes they actually told us that was the reason why!), we got to our hotel around 6pmEST. The hotel was five blocks away from the convention and two blocks from Chinatown.

We got great rates b/c the hotel is mid-remodel.
I don't think my room was done yet.
What do you think?

...

There was a very quick dessert reception on Saturday night. Just before we headed to the conference center for the reception, we looked for a place to eat. The group voted on Fudruckers. I voted for the Burmese place next to the hotel. The group went to Fudruckers. I went to the Burmese place. Hehe... The food was actually only so-so, but on the way out I saw this Chinese place that turned out to be AMAZING. I promptly stuffed my face with their food after a full Burmese meal and I plan to eat there every day I'm here. Not kidding. They have these great homemade noodles and very addictive steamy pork buns.
(Did I just say I'm addicted to "steamy pork buns"?)

Ok. So that was that.
We headed back to the hotel and hit the hay after the reception.

...

Sunday is when the convention really got kicked off. Here is us en route... and arrived. (Notice the amazing mid-step action photos. Only pro photographers can pull that technique off. You should be impressed.)

...

Here we are at breakout session where my dad had the opportunity to speak to several hundred people. It was pretty dang neat. (More on that later in a non-photo-filled entry.)

...

...

And finally, us eating some grub at the evening session.



And now... I must sleep. I am tired! I'll do another entry after the trip that will give a summary of the whole thing.

"Night" by Elie Wiesel

I just finished reading "Night" by Elie Wiesel. I didn't plan it this way, but being given this book is turning out to be pretty amazing timing given that I'm heading off to the AIPAC conference this weekend.

Elie Wiesel was a spiritually minded fourteen year old when he was taken in to the concentration camps of the Holocaust. The book tells of his horrific experiences while there which ultimately led to the demise of his faith. I don't even have words that can summarize. Instead, I'll use Elie's.
....

"Never shall I forget that night, the first night in the camp, that turned my life into one long night seven times sealed.
Never shall I forget that smoke.
Never shall I forget the small faces of the children whose bodies I saw transformed into smoke under a silent sky.
Never shall I forget those flames that consumed my faith forever.
Never shall I forget the nocturnal silence that deprived me for all eternity of the desire to live.
Never shall I forget those moments that murdered my God and my soul and turned my dreams to ashes.
Never shall I forget those things, even were I condemned to live as long as God Himself.
Never."

....

After witnessing the hanging of a child, Elie heard a man behind him ask...

"For God's sake, where is God?"
And from within me, I heard a voice answer:
"Where is He? This is where -- hanging here from this gallows."

....

And the quote that moved me the most...

"All this under a magnificent blue sky."

....

I found it curious that the foreword of this edition was written by a Christian man. He wrote of his first introduction to Elie and his story:

"And I, who believe that God is love, what answer was there to give my young interlocutor whose dark eyes still held the reflection of the angelic sadness that had appeared one day on the face of a hanged child? What did I say to him? Did I speak to him of that other Jew, this crucified brother who perhaps resembled him and whose cross conquered the world? Did I explain to him that what had been a stumbling block for his faith had become a cornerstone for mine? And that the connection between the cross and human suffering remains, in my view, the key to the unfathomable mystery in which the faith of his childhood was lost? And yet, Zion has risen up again out of the crematoria and the slaughterhouses. The Jewish nation has been resurrected from among its thousands of dead. It is they who have given it new life. We do not know the worth of one single drop of blood, one single tear. All is grace. If the Almighty is the Almighty, the last word for each of us belongs to Him. That is what I should have said to the Jewish child. But all I could do was embrace him and weep."

....

There is no way for me to say this without risking sounding like an idiot, but that has never stopped me before. So here it is... For so long I have felt tremendously alone in my angst and wrestling with the pains of our world. Somewhere in this book, I realized that I am not alone. I'm not the first lover of God who has had a rude awakening and I certainly won't be the last (though thankfully in my case, it was not caused by such horrible events as Elie's). Elie Wiesel had always been a spiritually minded man and was en route to becoming a devotee of the Kabaalah. His faith journey was shipwrecked at his witnessing of enumerable atrocities commited by mankind all 'under a magnificent blue sky'. In that regard, I feel like we share something.